Ebola: It Continues to Taunts Us

Is it too soon to dub this mess Ebolagate?

I note that Democrats everywhere are trying to sidestep that designation by spreading the party line that Ebola is not a threat and there’s no reason to stop flights in and out of West Africa just because it’s a horrible disease that kills 70% of it’s victims. And West Africa used to be the only place it lived.

Dr. Friedman is the keynote spokesmouth for the official position that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself:

“We remain confident that Ebola is not a significant public health threat to the United States,” he testified before the House Energy and Commerce Committee. “We know Ebola can be stopped with rapid diagnosis, appropriate triage and meticulous infection-control practices in American hospitals.” – NY Daily News

None of which occurred in the case of Duncan Thomas, butt don’t let that inconvenient fact impair your judgment.

Pizza delivery!

Dr. Friedman made his case against banning travel from West Africa in cogent testimony to Congress yesterday; arguing that if we don’t let Africans fly the friendly skies, they’ll just arrive here “over land” where it will be impossible to catch and monitor them if they are showing signs of illness:

Dr. Frieden said banning travel would mean the U.S. won’t be able to check people for fever and contacts if they arrive in the country through other means, such as over land. “We wouldn’t be able to provide all that information as we do now to state and local health officials,” he said. - WSJ

It’s probably just me butt I think I would have taken a slightly different tact, as that makes it sound like maybe we should be doing more to close our porous borders.

I think I might even start looking for a different spokesmouth altogether if I were Big Guy, whereas Dr. Friedman argued himself into a complete paradox during a press briefing just the day before his testimony.

A reporter said, "In a video message to countries in West Africa that are experiencing Ebola outbreaks, President Obama told residents in these countries in West Africa that they can't get the disease by sitting next to somebody on a bus.  Did the CDC vet that message before it was released and posted on US embassy websites, and is it true that a person runs absolutely no risk of contracting Ebola on public transportation such as a bus?"

FRIEDEN: Yes, CDC vetted the message -- and, yes, we believe it's accurate.  I think there are two different parts of that equation.  The first is, uh, "If you're a member of the traveling public and are healthy, should you be worried that you might have gotten it by sitting next to someone?" and the answer is, no.  Second, uh, "If you are sick and you may have Ebola, should you get on a bus?" and the answer to that is also, no.  You might become ill!  You might have a problem that exposes someone around you. - CNS News

So, you can’t catch Ebola on a bus…butt you might be able to infect somebody on a bus if you have Ebola? At a minimum I think we should make sure Dr. Friedman gets a little more sleep.

Anyway, I don’t know what our real assessment of the Ebola situation is, all I know is that this is the official government issued uniform I’ve been instructed to wear until further notice:

Hi! It’s me! MOTUS! I’m impermeable!

It strikes me as a bit of overkill as I’ve been slogging around in the muck here for nearly six years without any protection. And while it is cute, as you can see it takes the edge off my reflective capabilities - which could be a career-ender for a mirror. My understanding is that this suit is now considered standard operational protocol butt knowing how casual we are about following protocol around here, I don’t intend to wear it during working hours. Of course, if I’m required to fly anywhere…

Anyway, it appears we’ve successful managed the Republicans attempt at needless fear-mongering.This Pew push poll clearly indicates that we are not smart enough to be afraid of Ebola. And thank goodness! The midterms are right around the corner.

Don’t worry though: once the elections are over we’ll be able to get back to you with information regarding exactly how dangerous Ebola is. Likewise, we’ll bring you up to date on other currently non-critical phony scandals such as Fast and Furious, Benghazi, and the IRS scandal. Also, at that point we will be able to advise you exactly how much your Obamacare premiums have gone up. And how many more of your doctors you won’t be able to keep.

In the mean time, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position and your seat belt is correctly fastened. Also, we request that all mobile phones, pagers, radios and remote controlled devices be turned off for the full duration of the flight, as these items might interfere with the official messages and information your government wishes you to hear.

Thank you, and we hope you’ll enjoy your flight in this Ebola free zone.

We will be landing at an airport near your final destination soon.

 

Can I get a cleanup on runway 3!

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We be turnt up round da globe – to fight Ebola. Yo!

I’m pretty sure you’ve seen Lady M’s Vine video (note to self: redundant) by now, butt in case you just fell off a turnip truck, here it is again:

Brought to you by the DNC

How on earth, you ask, did the turnip dance “turn up?” You’ll be shocked to hear it was all preplanned as part of one of our “#askthefirstlady” social media events. The question was asked in such a way (vapid, by some accounts) as to give Lady M a lead-in to her really cool rap and turnip dance. The intent, in case it was lost on you, was to make MO, and by association her favorite purple root vegetable, appear to be really hip by “rapping” it. As the WaPo explains:

Never has a taproot lent itself so well to meme-ification, for which we can thank rappers 2 Chainz (“Turn Up”), Roscoe Dash (“All the Way Turnt Up”) and Lil Jon (“Turn Down For What”).

Thank you, gentlemen. Your contributions to society cannot be overstated.

Hmmmmm; lyrics from 2 Chainz Turn Up:

Walked In then I turnt Up
Pockets Full Of Hunnuds

I “cant show no mo” of this rap because of my own ban on the n-word and the f-word.

Then there’s this, from Roscoe All the Way Turnt Up:

Excuse me wile I turn up
All dese hoes be choosen but I'm turnt up all the way
I don't turned up on da road
I be turned up round da globe

Again, I “cant show no mo” because, well, you know.

So how cool is that!? RAPPING! For a FLOTUS I mean?

Oh yeah, I’m all that cool.

And not only that, butt she brought along the house white boy to celebrate the annual fall harvest event at the White House “kitchen garden,” aka the Organic Garden of Good and Evil.

He’s pretty cool too; in a white hot sort of way, right?

Meanwhile, on the Ebola front: Big Guy was forced to cancel two campaign/fundraising trips in order to address the spreading threat. Having been assured in the past that Big Guy can “do two things at once” and needn’t suspend his plans to address other grave issues such as Benghazi and ISIS beheadings, I just have to ask: is it time to panic now?

“I want people to understand that the dangers of you contracting Ebola, the dangers of a serious outbreak are extraordinarily low,” Obama told reporters after meeting for roughly two hours with aides in the Cabinet Room. “But we are taking this very seriously at the highest levels of government.”

No, not yet; we are in the very best of hands, and they are taking it “very seriously.”

I guess they really do think we’ve just fallen off a turnip truck. To re-quote the WaPo report:

“Thank you, gentlemen. Your contributions to society cannot be overstated.”

 

Our Turnips are Pickled Now

Today’s special report on root vegetables was brought to you by:

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What Else Are They Lying To Us About?

Well, this is a blockbuster:

A new poll from the Washington Post and ABC News shows 67 percent of people say they would support restricting entry to the United States from countries struggling with Ebola. Another 91 percent would like to see stricter screening procedures at U.S. airports in response to the disease’s spread.

I think the last time that many Americans agreed on anything was during WWII, and even then some had second thoughts later. So clearly, this poll is bogus. Allow me to restructure the poll in a way that will allow us to get a more useful, less racist answer:

 

We have retuned to the popular Chicago Rules for this poll: vote when you wish, as often as you wish

 

So if you don’t wish to be placed under surveillance your choice is simple:  racist or non-racist, yes or no. Choose wisely, weedhopper, or you may end up being surveilled anyway.

In other news today I see that we now have another Ebola victim in our country despite having been assured by Big Guy personally and his CDC spokesmouth that Ebola is very unlikely to ever hit our shores, and in the unlikely event that it does we are fully prepared to deal with it. Now we have not one, butt 2 homegrown victims - not even included in the 70 on the watch list because they had donned their hazmat suits and were following all of the CDC’s protocols. I think we may have just moved into that Iraq-era gray zone known as the “unknown unknowns.” Butt don’t worry; we’ve got our best minds working on it.

And speaking of Iraq, this just in to the New York Times : Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq have been found!  Despite having originally been reported in 2005 – 2011 the Pentagon kept this information secret for reasons we can only speculate on, butt might include the fact that the WMD weren’t handled according to protocol and caused some injuries. Over this same timeframe the Pentagon was apparently successful in thwarting all of the crack investigative reporters from the NYT and other storied media outlets who were trying to get to the bottom of the WMD issue. Of course it’s still all Bush’s fault:

What else is your government lying to you about, do you suppose?

One of these men lied to us, choose one: and remember – your answers are being monitored for racism and evidence of white privilege.

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“In The Air Tonight”

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord

In The Air Tonight: Phil Collins 

In order to distract you from the Ebola scares spreading like the plague across the country I thought we could focus on Lady M today.

For starters, remember that little brain fart she had in Iowa resulting in her mis-mispronounciation of Bruce Braley’s name?

Well, cognitive scientists, psycholinguists and cognitive neuroscientists have given her a pass:

It turns out that these kinds of slips of the tongues, or "spoonerisms," as they're called, are surprisingly common, and reveal a lot about how our brains organize and process language.

While I believe that plain vanilla old linguists would agree with me that MO’s goof-up was technically a malapropism not a spoonerism, who am I to call it a lack of pies (pack of lies)?

Some say that whenever MO opens her pie hole, there’s a lack of pies.

I’d also like to point out that the CDC has been providing us all with a lack of pies about Ebola too.

Apparently we’re safe from Ebola, what we have to worry about is the CDC itself.

“These events should never have happened,” CDC Director Thomas Frieden said Friday in a conference call with reporters. The American people “may be wondering whether we’re doing what we need to do to keep them safe and to keep our workers safe,” he said. “I’m disappointed, and frankly I’m angry about it.”

So there, don’t worry: just like Big Guy, CDC Director Frieden is mad as hell that his little people let him down.

So now if you’ll just leave him alone, he’ll get back to the job he was hired to do: sealing the hick (healing the sick).

Anyway, Lady M also published an essay for People magazine this week, explaining the words of wisdom she would have shared with her younger self. Her insight:

If I could give my younger self just one piece of advice, it would be this: Stop being so afraid! That's really what strikes me when I look back – the sheer amount of time I spent fangled up in tears (tangled up in fears) and doubts that were entirely of my own creation. I was afraid of not knowing the answer in class and looking stupid, or worried about what some toy bought (boy thought) of me, or wondering whether the other girls liked my clothes or my hair, or angsting about some offhand comment someone made to me in the lunchroom.

I would love to go back in time and tell my younger self, “Michelle, these middle and high school years are just a tiny blip in your life, and all the slights and embarrassments and heartaches, all those times you got that one question wrong on that test – none of that is important in the theme of stings (scheme of things).

So as you see, the psycholinguists were right; Lady M’s been “angsting” about her tip of the slung (slip of the tongue) her whole life.

Is it any wonder that Lady M suffers from BRF (bitchy resting face) syndrome?

She’s had to get right up there, fight in your race (right in your face), in order to get your attention and get you to eat right.

Eat your own damn peas!

I’ve got to go, I see we have little gremlins arriving soon to help us harvest what’s left of Lady M’s Organic Garden of Good and Evil. Besides, I’m killing myself here.

Feel free to sing along with Phil:

"In The Air Tonight"

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord

Well, if you told me you were drowning
I would not lend a hand
I've seen your face before my friend
But I don't know if you know who I am
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin,
I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
Well, I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord

Well I remember, I remember don't worry
How could I ever forget,
It's the first time, the last time we ever met
But I know the reason why you keep your silence up,
No you don't fool me
The hurt doesn't show
But the pain still grows
It's no stranger to mou and ye

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Viva la Vida: Homeland Version

Heads up people! It’s time to name another generation. And since there has been an ongoing fight over who falls into which generation, the White House has stepped in to resolve this controversy. Yes, none other than the White House has weighed in to determine what the next generation is to be called and in what year that designation should commence. So don’t tell me we aren’t attending to business around here.

While the chart says “Census Bureau” at the bottom remember that since the Age of Obama “Census” reports directly to the White House.

I note that the WWII generation is referred to as the “Silent Generation,” Tom Brokaw not withstanding

Previously handled by those with the most vested interest – marketers – generational naming has now joined the White House’s seemingly unlimited list of “things we can politicize to our advantage.” So in a report on the youth of today released last week, the post-Millennials have been dubbed the “Homeland” Generation. That’s right, the first generation named after a TV show:

The title is eerily reminiscent of the Showtime political thriller series Homeland which documents an unstable world of surveillance and terrorism in the wake of the 9/11 attacks.

I find the name just a bit ironic since, as something like half of this group will have entered this generational designation from a “homeland” other than ours.

Or maybe not

Of course there is still plenty of controversy surrounding this generational designation, as reported in the WaPo. Even a casual observer might wonder why the White House Census Bureau chart shows some generations that include only 15 years (Gen-X) while others cover nearly 25 years (Millennials). Could it be trouble with our number bonds again?

The marketeers, who used to have a lock on determining this sort of thing, had previously agreed on a date for the beginning of the post-millennial generation, 1995, butt not a name. They were still considering several worthy  names including my favorite, Re-Gen. Anyway, if you go with the marketers (and let’s face it, who would know better?) the earliest group of “Homelanders” are now hitting college age. No matter what you want to call these kids, I think we have cause for concern over and above the usual idealism of youth:

Brainwashing does that

Butt let’s look at the bright side, at least we have a group of mature Millennials in the White House now helping Big Guy make important decisions; like what to call their successor generation, and how to appeal to their own generation for their votes. And give them credit, they aren’t as stubborn as Gen Xers and Boomers, they’ll back down when ridiculed too much.Which is apparently what happened with their “Emoji strategy.”

The White House has apparently reconsidered its patronizing effort to attract millennials.

The much-touted “emoji strategy” was quietly removed from the administration’s “15 Economic Facts About Millennials” report over the weekend, the Washington Times reported.

The original reported was modeled after a Buzzfeed-style listicle and featured emojis sprinkled throughout.

“This is an example of what we heard about back in 2008, Obama using digital technologies to excite a new, younger demographic,” Natalia Mehlman-Petrzela, an assistant professor of history at the New School University, told The Atlantic on Friday. “In the world of Twitter and Instagram, millennials are using emojis more and more, so it makes sense to use that strategy to appeal to people.”

Rats! I had some really good emojiis I was going to use.

Guess I’ll save them for 2016 when more of our “Homelanders” will be legally able to vote.

Viva la Vida! Viva la Homeland! Viva la Hillary!

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Quantitative Uncoupling or Conscious Uneasing

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’re painfully aware of all the troubles in the world: ISIS on the march, leaving killing fields in its wake and now knocking on the door in Baghdad; Ebola is on the march, leaving killing fields in its wake and now knocking on the door in America; The stock market is “correcting” or something, leaving killing fields in its wake and knocking on the door of the Feds to ease more of that quantitative stuff faster.

And our President? He’s been busy fundraising in order to assure him a free hand for the next  2 years to complete his job. He began by bashing Republicans for being the party of billionaires at a fundraiser held at the $16 million home of Richard Richman.   That’s right, “Ri¢hie Ri¢h.”

[File under: you can’t make this sh*t up] 

This was followed by a flurry of fundraisers on the West Coast, the pinnacle being a grand soiree at Gywneth Paltrow’s Brentwood estate where the spawn of famous actors famously swooned, “you’re so handsome that I can’t speak properly” which is a huge problem whereas her livelihood depends upon her being able to read and speak properly – just like Big Guy’s does.

Alas the security associated with the party was quite burdensome, especially given that the Secret Service’s directive has recently been revised from being “more like Disneyworld” to being “more like Hollywood.” Accordingly, just like in the movies, the entire neighborhood was locked down for hours with residents instructed to shelter in place until they received the all clear. The result of being isolated and ostracized caused little children to cry and neighbors to start a petition to make Gwynnie move out. As of last report, lawyers were swarming all over the area looking for victims of PTSD.

The Hollywood fundraiser was, of course, closed to press butt Alan West summarized it pretty well in his post titled “Political savant Gwyneth Paltrow has a crush on Obama and wishes he were a dictator.” Which is something else that Gwynee has in common with Big Guy!

BO puts the “I” in Narcissist – twice

I say we can all afford to be a little more “Hollywood” these days; where people don’t just get divorced, they “consciously uncouple.”

Don’t we all  need to “heal our hearts, rediscover our joy and transform our lives?”

I’ve “Transformed” enough, already.

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Let’s Make Better Mistakes Tomorrow

As Woody Allen is credited with observing: “80% of success is just showing up” and that was pretty much the message Lady M had for her loyal subjects along the campaign trail yesterday.

There was a little trouble getting them to show up for her big Democratic rally in Detroit though. First of all it was held in a venue of very modest size, the Music Hall (currently under construction) rather than our previous arena-sized event at nearby Ford Field.

Worse yet, as of the day before the rally the The Michigan Democratic Party had to open the event to the public in order to fill up this modest hall. It’s almost as if the Democrats aren’t all that excited about their candidates, or Lady M.

Lady M towers over candidates Mark Schauer and Gary Peters

For you fashionistas out there who think you’ve previously seen the lovely paisley/polka dot frock MO wore yesterday: good spotting!

2011 National Medal of Arts and Humanities presentation

And yes, we wore it with thigh-high boots again because, why not?

Boots on the ground

Anyway, everything went well in Detroit – aside from that motorcycle accident on I-94 involving Lady M’s motorcade. (Don’t worry, the officer was okay.) Things didn’t go as smoothly in Iowa, due to Lady M being jet lagged or something. She kept mis-mispronouncing her homie’s name: Braley, Bailey; no biggie. It’s not like it’s a write-in where spelling matters.

Besides, it wasn’t the candidates names that were important, it was her message for the American people:

DETROIT, MI - First Lady Michelle Obama told a Detroit audience Friday "we are better off today than when Barack first took office," as she rallied the crowd in support of Michigan Democrats up for election in November.

Believe me, I think everyone knows that Barack and Michelle are “better off today than when Barack first took office,” it’s the rest of us that people seem to be concerned about. I mean, when you’re getting mocked by Jimmy Carter, something’s just not right.

Stop looking at me Barack!

So let’s evaluate this “are you better off” issue objectively: now that Ebola has hit our shores (due to porous borders) you’ve lost the doctor that you liked butt couldn’t keep because the insurance plan that you liked butt couldn’t keep were both replaced by Obamacare - that you can’t afford even though it has a $5000 deductible, $4000 co-insurance and $4000 co-pay – because you’re one of the 1 in 4 Americans of prime working age who are not employed. Oh, and ISIS is about to retake Baghdad. Shall I mark you down as  “undecided” then?

And remember: 80% of success is just showing up:

And not doing stupid sh*t.

Vote wisely, weedhoppers

 

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The October Surprise: Our Best Efforts Are Not Good Enough

“Some men aren’t looking for anything logical like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.” – Alfred, in "The Dark Knight”

For some reason this concept always tends to catch some people by surprise. Take the New York Times for example, their headline today reads:

WASHINGTON — Darkness is enveloping American politics.

Hard to dispute, as it turns out, butt isn’t that, uh…racist?

With four weeks to go before the midterm elections, Republicans have made questions of how safe we are — from disease, terrorism or something unspoken and perhaps more ominous — central in their attacks against Democrats. Their message is decidedly grim: President Obama and the Democratic Party run a government that is so fundamentally broken it cannot offer its people the most basic protection from harm.

If we could, we would ask Ambassador Christopher Stevens (RIP), Information Officer Sean Smith (RIP) and former Navy Seals Tyrone Woods (RIP) and Glen Doherty (RIP) how well Obama and his Democratic Party protect American citizens: “Where’s my f***ing Spectre?” 

While they mention a few of the most recent reasons fueling this sentiment – Ebola, ISIS, the Secret Service failure – they dismiss it as a Republican plot:

“I think Republicans want people to turn on the television and see that nothing is working,” said Robert Gibbs, Mr. Obama’s former spokesman.

If only that were the case the world would sleep better tonight. Alas, nothing is working and it goes much further back then our current woes. All the way from Pigford and Gun Walking to Obamacare’s failure to launch; we’ve had a dozen phony scandals that we refuse to talk about butt nevertheless keep picking away at people’s confidence in the government’s ability to do anything without political purpose. So is it any surprise then, that as the NYT notes:

A sense that the country is dangerously off track is an increasingly popular topic of conversation in conservative media.

Although there seem to be substantial reasons for this sense of doom, still they mock it:

Erick Erickson, the conservative writer and radio host, wrote: “At least this administration is consistent. It will let everyone and everything, including pestilence, cross our border.”

“I bet, if we are patient,” he added, “the administration will even place Ebola with a nice family somewhere in Middle America and give it government benefits.”

As if that makes it somehow less true .

 

Secretary of Health and Human Services Sylvia Burwell said that despite the best efforts of health officials, Americans have to prepare for the reality that there may be more cases of Ebola in the United States. – Washington Examiner

Such incompetence (at least I HOPE it’s incompetence) doesn’t matter, of course, in the age of Obama; we are judged on our intentions not our outcomes.

Combined with the very best of intentions

Nevertheless, Dems across the land are lacing up their jogging shoes and running in the opposite direction. The New York Times didn’t know which way to run with it, so they just left the whole mess laying in a pile like yesterday’s story. Here’s their wrap:

“The recurring pattern here is his unwillingness to admit things are bad,” said Stuart Stevens, a Republican strategist who was Mitt Romney’s top adviser in 2012. “It’s sort of like saying the world isn’t what it is, which is not an uncommon thing in the White House.”

Instead of refuting the darkness, they choose to curse the light:

Oh yes, we are in the very best of hands.

Well, I’ve got to run, big day in Detroit today: Lady M is pitch hitting for Big Guy. Should be a great rally. We’re really “fired up.”

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