If Joey B decides to throw his hat into the ring it will be a real toss up to determine who has the best arithmetic skills: Joey, for simultaneously demonstrating his command of both language and math with this:“a 3 letter word: JOBS!,” Or Hillary, doing the same, with her response to the probing inquiry on Face the Nation: J. Dickerson:"Describe yourself in 3 words.” Hillary:“I am a real person!”
And if I weren’t, would I be able to do this bobble-head impersonation?!
Furthermore, Hillary would like you all to know that she apologizes for using her private email server while serving as SOS, even though it was all “allowed.”
Why? Because she skirted administration policy and potentially exposed confidential national security communications? No, because the controversy has overshadowed her accomplishments as Secretary of State in her 2016 bid for president. – Fortune
Wait, let’s try a take 2 on that issue:
“I’m sorry that I made a choice that has raised all of these questions because I don’t like reading that people have questions about what I did and how I did it.”
Even Bill Maher came down on the side of the school saying “People at the school thought it might be a bomb … because it looks exactly like a f*cking bomb,” thusproving definitively that even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Midnight on Mackinac Island: a brawl’s about to break out
And then we had our own nerd celebration right here on MOTUS: UpNorthLurkin’s nerd tutorial on how to use simplified HTML tags to make magic in your Disqus comments:
Left arrow symbol, forward slash, i, right arrow symbol
i = italics b = bold s = strike through u = underline
For Bold, the letter is b, For Underline, it is u. Everything else (symbols) as just above
To "close" whatever you're trying to do.... use the < followed by the / then the "b", the "i", the "s" (without the quote marks) and end with the >
OK everyone? Got it? <i>text you want in italics</i> It’s really nerd magic! And for her super-nerd skill at training the MOTI in nerd magic Raj has prepared the following award which I now proudly present to UNL:
Congratulations UNL! You’re Geek of the Week - as determined by MOTUS’ head nerd and geek extraordinaire, Raj. Sorry, all decisions by the judges are final and not subject to review or recount. And here’s your medal: wear it with pride, you earned it yourself, nobody else did that for you.
And not to diminish your skills in any way, butt I should point out that there’s another nerd out there with impressive skills too: Grace Jones. She has nerd skills that have enabled her to live for 5000 years. Of course, the way things are going, some of us might consider that more of a curse than a skill.
Grace Jones: celebrating 5000 years of a deconstructed life
I am MOTUS, and I reassemble deconstructed reality in order to reflect it back to you. What’s your nerd skill?
Meanwhile, after claiming there were no documents “marked” classified in her email (deny) and weeks of strategic silence on the email scandal (delay) Hillary came out of cloister - to accuse The Donald (deflect) of being a politically incorrect hater:
“He knew or he should have known that what that man was asking was not only way out of bounds, it was untrue. And he should have, from the beginning, repudiated that kind of rhetoric, that level of hatefulness in a questioner in an audience that he was appearing before.”
So I would call on him and call on all of the candidates to stop this descent into the kind (of) hateful, mean-spirited, divisive rhetoric that we have seen too much of in the last months.”…
You tell them Hill! Give ‘em hell!
“I think it is prejudiced, I think it is discriminatory, and I think that it comes out of the unfortunate reservoir of hateful rhetoric that we have seen too much of where people are being set against one another, and that has no place in our politics.”
Yeah, well, whatever.
Anyway, I was just wondering how many times Barack Hussein Obama stopped the Reverend Wright’s “descent into the kind of hateful, mean-spirited, divisive rhetoric.” I mean, Barry did sit in his church “every Sunday” for 20 years, practicing his Christian faith, while the Rev spoutedanti-Semitic, anti-white (Black Lives Matter?) anti-American rhetoric. Surely he didn’t sleep through all of the Rev’s fiery sermons; so how many times did Barry Soetoro/Obama stop his hateful, mean-spirited, divisive rhetoric?
As for me, and I think The Donald, “I take the President at his word. He is not a muslim, as far as I know.”
It’s pretty easy to understand The Donald’s appeal: even though he’s rough around the edges, usually has the funkiest hair in the room, and often leaves much to be desired on the charm front: he’s a WINNER. And before you-know-who, America loved winners and WINNING!
Ever since you-know-who we’ve become accustomed to being taken to the cleaners, looking like schmucks and being generally relegated to the has-been rag pile. In negotiation after negotiation Big Guy, and his SOS of the moment, have ended up with the short-end of the stick. Team Obama’s negotiations can be boiled down to a simple strategy that I call “How about I give you my new Mercedes for your old shoe™?” Just in the last 2 months we’ve been slapped with two agreements (the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) and the Iran Nuke Deal) in this category.
And then, of course, the Terrorists-for-Turncoat deal that you-know-who negotiated in order to have a Rose Garden photo op with a bearded, ponytailed-Muslim guy last summer:
Now even the Army is admitting what everybody else knew from the start:Bowe was a deserter all along.I’m shocked, shocked, I tell you.
The President’s string of misjudgments on the Middle East—on the peace process, Erdogan, withdrawal from Iraq, Libya, ISIS as the “J.V. team”, and Syria—is one of the most striking examples of serial failure in the annals of American foreign policy.
Generally speaking, what the President seems worst at is estimating the direction in which events are flowing. He thought Erdogan was taking Turkey in one direction; Erdogan was going somewhere else. He thought there was a transition to democracy in Egypt; there never was a prospect of that. He has repeatedly been caught flatfooted by events in Syria. And Putin keeps running rings around him.
Understanding the intentions and estimating the capabilities of people who don’t share his worldview are not our President’s strong suits.
Again, you may not be a Donald fan, butt compare his talent and experience (considerable and extensive) to Team Obama’s (zero and none) and determine who better to negotiate with the people who wish Death to America. It’s pretty simple; do you want the Mercedes next to the shining city on a hill?
Or another old shoe?
I said, “old shoe” – if you heard “old shrew” that’s not my fault.
I was going to sum up last night’s debate for you, butt Andy Levy did it for me:
When all was finally said, and done, the night’s Academy Award went to….Carly!
Best Director goes to whoever is doing her debate prep.
And Best Makeup and Hairstyling Award (yes, my little doubting Thomases, there is one) goes to one of her little people too.
She looked very presidential, and I think a lot of people would vote for THAT face. And it didn’t hurt that she sounded presidential too, with an impressive grasp of foreign affairs. Plus she demonstrated an innate ability to go for the jugular, choosing to attack The Donald’s business acumen. It takes hutzpah to attack a successful businessman when your last two CEO gigs ended on less than, shall we say, high notes. Anyway, definitely the Best Performance of the night.
A few other random thoughts, in no particular order:
The CNN crew completely lost control of their own debate. The advertising department took over the length of the debate (oversold commercial time, so CNN extended the debate for an extra hour) and the cats took over the rest of the debate about 5 minutes in; and refused to give it back.
The few people who tried to stick to the rules and wait their turn lost. Still, I give the Best Short Film award to Ted Cruz, hands down.
Ben Carson stole the Low Energizer Bunny Award away from Jeb Bush.
Despite a strong over-all performance Marco Rubio failed his audition for Best Leading Actor with his poor explanation for his poor voting record in the Senate: he said that nothing ever gets done in the Do-Nothing Congress anyway. Maybe that’s because nobody ever shows up?
Best Documentary Short Feature: Chris Christy (Small town boy, turned U.S. government attorney, lives through the horror of 9/11 and somehow gets elected R-Governor of a D-State; now running for President.)
Best Foreign Language Film: Jeb Bush
And when the CNN crew tried to take control back they asked…a question about vaccines? Boy, that’s a burning issue these days. And what woman would you put on the $10 bill? Seriously? They do know that Muslims would not approve of that, right? And the candidates answers included Margaret Thatcher and Mother Theresa? They did hear the part about it being a U.S. $10 bill, right?
The Extras Award of Excellence: everyone else, too many to mention.
I think The Donald best summed up my reaction to the debate last night:
Hillary Clinton, Commander in Chief of the loyal opposition in the War on Women has a message for the troops:
“I want to send a message to every survivor of sexual assault.”
“Don’t let anyone silence your voice. You have a right to be heard. You have a right to be believed. We’re with you.”
Oh yeah, baby!
Wow! In an act of hubris worthy of Bubba himself, Hilz bravely stood up for all victims of sexual assault. Employing the famous Clinton power of compartmentalization (aka “psychic fragmentation”) she ignored all of the following women whose voices were silenced; those who she and Bill decided didn’t have a right to be believed:
Paula Jones - accused Clinton of exposing himself and propositioning her in a hotel room;
Juanita Broderick - accused Clinton of forcing himself on her in a hotel room;
Eileen Wellstone - accused Clinton of raping her when she was a student at Oxford;
“Drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park, you never know what you'll find.”
To which Dana Loesch responded:
How dare she, you ask? It’s easy when you’re compartmentalized, just like her husband before her; just like her last boss:
The Eternal Sunshine of the Compartmentalized Mind
In a word, Bill Clinton is the national embodiment of a neurotic symptom that has showed up as the self-description of overreachers everywhere: compartmentalization. And, boy, can he compartmentalize. Never before has American public life been witness to a man who can open and shut the many doors of his mind and soul with such chilling self-assurance. The country has watched with wonder and nausea as Bill Clinton has diffracted himself into several Bill Clintons-the adulterer, the good father, the loyal husband, the lousy husband, the liar, the truth-teller, the empath, the charmer, the politico, the policy wonk, the man who loved Yitzhak Rabin, the man who strokes Yasir Arafat, the peacemaker, the missile launcher, the liberal, the social conservative, the moral arbiter, the seducer.
Is he polymorphous? Is he perverse? He is the man about whom Toni Morrison wrote, “He’s our first black President.” And yet he’s not a black man. He’s just trained, as his generation was, to be all things to all men, and women. And not too much of anything to anyone.
So there you have it: being all things to all men (a term we can no longer use in the enlightened world of 2015), they end up being not much of anything to anyone. That pretty much sums up the world of presidential politics these days.
Which, if you think about it, may explain The Donald’s popularity. He’s not everything, butt at least he’s something.
Iran has reportedly found an unexpectedly high reserve of uranium, following assessments that the country is running low on the nuclear raw material and just days after President Obama essentially secured an international nuclear deal with the country's leaders.
“I cannot pass amnesty through executive action… I am not a dictator.” (Except, of course, when I am.)
“With Obamacare we will reduce your insurance premiums by $2,500, per family per year.” (Or maybe that was increase it by $2500; I was never that hot at math.)
“It was not my decision to pull all the troops from Iraq.” (Somebody else made that happen.)
“That would be a red line…” (And I never said I wasn’t okay with them crossing it…)
“Nixon lost 18 minutes. Obama's now lost two years of emails, and one thing that people don't remember, the second article of impeachment for Richard Nixon was the abuse of the IRS to pursue political enemies. This is a high crime; this is not a triviality.” – Charles Krauthammer
And don’t even get me started on the Trans Pacific “Partnership”lies; butt by then I guess the Republican held Congress was just too tired out from doing nothing all these years.
Anyway, with this latest bit of information regarding the Iran deal I’m beginning to suspect we have a traitor in our midst. No, not BHO; I’m thinking Jonathan Gruber.
I see his fingerprints all over this Iran-Nuke deal.
“Lack of transparency is a huge political advantage. And basically call it the stupidity of the American voter, or whatever, but basically that was really, really critical in getting the thing to pass.”
And if that’s the case, I have a message to pass on to Jonathan from The Donald:
“I’ll get you my pretty! And your little cockatoo too!”
Last night was the 2016 Miss America contest (the only beauty pageant NOT owned by Donald Trump). It was filled with the usual displays of talent, runway strutting and stupid questions to which there can only be stupid answers. And this year’s contestants did not disappoint. Just like “sort of Marge” in the Essurance commercial, each Miss America wannabe maneuvered the loaded questions with confidence, smiley faces, mixed metaphors, dangling participles and non sequiturs.
Beauty queen shares her opinion on healthcare in the America of the U.S.
Topics covered every conceivable issue crucial to the future of America: : Planned Parenthood, gun control, Donald Trump's presidential campaign and…DeflateGate!?
“I don’t think Planned Parenthood funding should be cut off. The $500 million that gets given to Planned Parenthood every single year goes to female…care. It goes for scanning for cancers, it goes for mammograms…and if we don’t give that funding to Planned Parenthood, those women will be out of healthcare for reproductive causes.”
Nicely done, you’ve been properly programmed. Miss South Carolina, Daja Dial, on the other hand failed her indoctrination test with her answer on gun control, saying she DIDN’T think military style assault weapons should be banned. Where on earth is she from? Oh right - South Carolina, where they still believe in the Second Amendment.
Daja Dial, Miss South Carolina
Next, Miss Alabama is asked about The Donald’s meteoric popularity and responds that “the GOP should be terrified” of The Donald, who’s “just and entertainer” who is sucking all the oxygen away from more qualified candidates like Jeb and Chrissy. She wraps it by saying if she were a Republican (apparently she is not) she’d be absolutely terrified of Donald Trump.
Meg McGuffin, Miss Alabama
If I were Meg, I’d be terrified of The Donald too – has she seen how he hits back?
And finally, we come to Betty Cantrell, Miss Georgia, who makes an admirable attempt at not voicing an opinion on whether Tom Brady is a cheat or not butt ultimately falls into the trap and gives them the answer they were looking for: she’d have to feel his balls to decide.
Did he cheat? Um, that's a really good question! I'm not sure. I think I'd have to be there to see the ball, and feel it to make sure it was deflated or not deflated. But if there was question there, then yes, I think he cheated. If there were any question to be had, I think that he definitely cheated, and he should've been suspended for that. That's not fair.
Where upon she was swiftly pronounced the winner. I’m not saying it’s because of her answer – she is drop-dead gorgeous and can sing a mean aria; butt since we haven’t had a winner of color since 2013 (and even she wasn’t authentic, being of Indian descent) it was the black candidate’s turn to win. If only she hadn’t screwed up that loaded AK-47 question, the crown would have been hers. Because you know…black lies matter.
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