Recycling, Obama Style

I don’t think you have to make such a big deal about Lady M wearing the same dress twice. After all, we are in the middle of a recession, that we inherited from that hateful previous administration that shall remain nameless – oh what the heck! – it’s George W. Bush’s recession!

But as I was saying, a lot of really important people are reduced to wearing the same thing twice in these difficult times. But that’s beside the point. The real reason MO sported that foxy red Michael Kors number was to show the world that there’s nothing to that baby bump rumor.

Of course, we had to practice first and I needed to attach my trans-imaging booster drive.  I think we pulled it off quite nicely though, what do you think?

Besides, here at the Big White, we’re really into recycling. Take Big Guy, for instance: he’s totally recycling everything from socialism to Marxism. And making it sound fresh and  new! We’ve even adopted a new slogan and poster to support our efforts:

 

   

I think we’re going to be putting it on all future White House correspondence and press releases. Feel free to adopt it for your own use as well.

 

Technorati Tags: Michelle Obama,recycling,White House press corp,Michael Kors

It’s Good To Be King (and Queen)

Honestly, can you believe all this blathering going on about Lady M’s staff size and payroll? All of a sudden it’s as hot a topic as the discussions about euthanizing granny down at the town hall’s.

Come on. In the scheme of things are 24 staffers at a payroll of $1.6 million a year that big of a deal? I mean, Obama-care alone is going to be trillions of dollars, this is totally going to get lost in the rounding.

Besides, there are a few things all you smarty-pants bloggers out there don’t know: first of all, these are all important administrative positions: people who deal with facts, schedules, speeches… stuff to make MO sound smart. The 24 does not include the positions that make her look sharp, overlooked but equally important jobs.

Since that’s primarily my responsibility, the buck does stop here. So to speak. Please note: I don’t get paid a dime. I was born to the noblesse oblige tradition, and feel it’s an honor to serve our first family (although I wouldn’t mind a night off every now and again.) Of course, to give Lady M a little boost before I spin my magic, she does have a 24/7 staff of hair,nail and makeup specialists. They’re not counted in the 24, as they aren’t, strictly speaking, administrative: more ministerial.

And remember, Lady M gave up a big time $350k a year “public service” job to move here with BO and the girls. And she had just gotten a 200% salary increase after Big Guy won the senate seat, so don’t tell me she didn’t sacrifice plenty to take this gig. Do you think she’d still be wearing JCrew sweaters if she had kept either that hospital job or her big time corporate law firm job? Don’t be silly, we’d be wrapped up in ZILLI vicuna cashmere, head to foot.

And besides, having been a public servant herself, Lady M knows how indispensable they can be. Take her, for example. When she left her VP of Community Relations job at the University of Chicago Hospitals to come here to do the work of the American people, they couldn’t find anyone to take her place. So they eliminated the job.

Technorati Tags: Michelle Obama's disciplinary inactive status,Michelle Obama's White House staff

Dog Days in D.C.

Well, the dog days of summer are definitely upon us, and boy, there are tell-tale signs all over the place. Not even my mighty powers of trans-imaging and refraction can change this madness.

First, there’s all the booing and jeering going on at BO’s foot soldiers’ town hall meetings.  Some smart ass even wrote a sarcastic column saying hurtful things like this:

If Obama has his way, his health care plan will be funded by his Treasury chief who did not pay his taxes, overseen by his Surgeon General who is obese, signed by a president who smokes and financed by a country that is just about broke. What possibly could go wrong?

Things were getting so hot that the big dog himself had to go off to do a “controlled” townie in New Hampshire (of all places) to smooth things over.  And by all accounts it went well. And by all accounts, I mean ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and MSNBC.  They’ve reported that BO handled the pre-selected crowd beautifully and even managed to pull off one of those loaves and fishes things he’s so good at.

Anyway, besides that whole hubbub, there’s this annoying little gnat over at the phony Examiner blog site that keeps stoking the “Lady M is pregnant” rumor mill. Now I understand he’s even whispering that John Edwards is the father. Listen, if MO was pregnant, I’d be the first to know. We’d be spending all day trying on stretchy baby-bump hot tops and bottoms. And that’s not happening. We’re still working on the bikini quantum-imaging for the big Vineyard’s soirée.

And speaking of that, MO’s a little concerned that all this hoopla over health care might interfere with the family vacation plans. She’s definitely not  keen on the thought of angry mobs showing up at the shore. I mean what do you wear to a right-wing protest anyway?

I’m in charge of getting the summer reading list together, but so far Mo’s nixed anything about dieting (doesn’t need), fashion (doesn’t need) protocol (doesn’t need), and anything by anyone who’s ever appeared on a FOX news show. That leaves us with Saul Alinsky’s Rules For Radicals- still on Amazon’s top 100, thanks to MO and BO! – Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon and Tom Clancy’s Op-Center: Mirror Image. If you have any other suggestions, please let me know.

I actually ordered a few hundred copies of Saul’s book, to hand out as favors.

 

Technorati Tags: Saul Alinsky,Rules for Radicals,Martha Vineyard's vacation,fashions for right wing protests

Grand Canyon: Sweet

Well I just heard about our little jaunt out west next weekend. It sure would be nice if someone could give me a little more notice on these out-of-the-beltway trips. For one thing, it takes awhile to adjust all of my internal nano-opticals to compensate for the refraction of the direct overhead solar light we will be experiencing in the Grand Canyon. And the geysers at Yellowstone will require an additional de-humidifying sensor.

And lord knows what MO will be packing for such hot weather fun. I’m just hoping she’s not going with the halter tops again, because honestly, they can be challenging. And after the burger, fries and shake stop on Thursday and the Gelato stop yesterday, well, I’m just saying…

Not that I’m particularly thrilled about going out west, but it does present some interesting professional challenges. For example, I’ve never  been required to trans-image a real cow before.

And making Lady M look more awesome than the Grand Canyon? That, my friend, if I can pull it off, might just land me in Hollywood.  My cousin Madge, who works as a trans-imaging add-on for a lot of big time studio cameras (she’s worked on shoots of Sarah Jessica Parker, Jessica Simpson, Cameron Diaz and, recently, Sharon Stone) gave me a couple of boiler-plate contracts to bring along, just in case.

Burger Bumps

Yi-yiy-yiy! I take one afternoon off to have my surfaces glazed, and look what happens:  

Michelle and the girls go out for burgers and "tempura" onion rings at Good Stuff Eatery, the paparazzi get wind of royalty and the next thing we know, photos and evidence. Two seconds later, we’re hearing the preggers rumors again. Without benefit of my powerful refractors, those burger bumps can easily be mistaken for “baby bumps.”  It’s a good thing Lady M didn’t hear the smartass that was wondering if her ass was pregnant too.

Wouldn’t you think the shallow celebrity tabloid press corp would have something better to do than gossip about FLOTUS? What am I saying?  They’re a hateful crowd if ever I saw one.

Bubba Does North Korea

Not so pleasant around here today. Both BO and MO are in a bad mood over that little Clinton maneuver in NOKO. They don’t mind that the girls are back home, but they really hate it whenever Bubba takes front and center.

Besides, BO likes to do all the apologizing for America himself.

Finally…

You’re probably asking yourself the same thing we’ve been asking around the White House: what took so long? Lady M has been on Vanity Fair’s best dressed celebrity list for ever. And frankly, with all that JCrew stuff, that’s a bit of a stretch – if it weren’t for my special effects.

But BO? Well, we were sweating it after that fiasco in the “mom” jeans and the sissy pitch.

But once again, the MSM comes through for us:

“He’s polished, he’s so well-groomed and he’s beautifully accessorized,” Collins said. “He has a classic American look, but with a little more continental flair.”

No wait, that was Brad Pitt. Here’s what they said about BO:

“He has such a natural ease and elegance,” Collins told Vieira. “He’s completely comfortable in his own skin. He is very much in the tradition of American classic dressers, but relaxed. You just watch the way he rolls up his sleeves and you can see how much he cares about the way he looks, but not too much.”

The best part is that this is a celebrity list. That means that when we leave, by choice or force, the White House, we’ve got another gig lined up. And better yet: a celebrity gig doesn’t require us to do anything! Well, except for me; I’ll have to keep refracting the magic, but I’m ready to move on anyway. Washington can be so shallow.

But in the short term, we’re just really pleased to have something of this magnitude to take the MSM’s mind off of that Health Plan deal and the Cash4Clunkers fiasco.

Life is good. I’m going to go pack for Martha’s V.

Blue Monday

I love blue M&Ms, and not just because I work for Lady M. They’re tasty, they melt in your mouth - not in your hand, and they are blue. We’re all about blue here in Big White: blue states, blue bloods, blue notes on blues night.

But who knew tasty blue M&M’s would be real medicine? CNN is reporting that “…Researchers at the University of Rochester Medical Center found that when they injected the compound Brilliant Blue G (BBG) into rats suffering spinal cord injuries, the rodents were able to walk again, albeit with a limp…”

Good news, no?

So a lot of us around The House were understandably confused by Toes’ morning tweet ordering that all blue M&Ms be removed from all US Government candy dishes and disposed of in the appropriate recycling bins.

I thought that Toes was just concerned about the side effects of the spinal cord treatments which can be seen in the before and after pictures of the cute little test mouse:

Is that not the cutest mouse you have ever seen? Ok,even if they are vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard, blue blood might not be the best look for the Royal Couple.TOTUS and Gibbsy thought that being blue through and through might expose too much of our “moderate” hand. A little too transparent, if you know what I mean.

But it turns out we were all wrong. Rahmbo was really afraid that - if the researchers were right - it might explain why the blue dogs in congress, who frequently breeze through and empty the candy dishes, appear to be growing spines.