Hemlines: They’re a lot like borders

El Mexican Presidente and el American Presidente spent much of last week trying to out do each other bashing America, er, the United States portion of it anyway.

Felipe and BO, casting little shadows on Harry who –although dead for 38 years - still has more cojones than these 2 combined 

That left the the final word on the border issue up to the Mexican and American First Ladies. They chose to do so while also making a fashion statement on hemlines. Just like women who no longer follow fashion dictates regarding proper hemline lengths, citizens need no longer heed our border dictates. Both hemline  and border rules are there more to provide guidance than to mandate adherence.

Sucking lemons on the borderline 

Hemlines: they’re the new borders –meaningless, meandering and better off if just left to their own devises.

Hems: more of an allusion than an actual boundary

Note the Mexican hem: while the southern half seems quite straight forward and well defined, the northern hem is uneven, and not very well maintained. The American hemline: the entire southern boundary appears irregular, amorphous, needs to be pinned down.

El Presidente’s Busy, Busy Week

Lady M’s been down with the vapors ever since la fiesta. If you look at this photo closely, you can probably see what caused those “vapors.”

You need to be careful where you place the containment fences 

Although,to be fair, she already seemed a little out of sorts earlier in the day:

Bring it, kiddo!

I’m sure she’ll feel much better when she’s able to sit up and take a little nourishment.

But Big Guy! Wow, he’s just a little Energizer bunny– we are sooo getting our money’s worth out of him. Or is that the other way around?

First, he has some comments on the financial reform bill in the rose garden. ( you already know about little Mo) He didn’t have time to take any questions from the press. (Gerard has the final word on this.)

It always looks like BO is practicing when he’s in the Rose Garden. And another thing: where are the roses?

Then off to Congress to agree with Felipe’s trashing of our immigration policy, discriminatory Arizona law and gun laws. The Dems gave him a standing O. They haven’t heard such a litany of grievances since Jesse Jackson used to hang around the Big White all the time.

Ole’ el Presidente! Who forgot to hang the Mexican flag? 

And then, a mad dash back to the Rose Garden to sign a presidential memorandum to push for producing more fuel efficient trucks and next-generation cars, including advanced electric vehicles. 

Big Guy showing a staffer his famous Walter Brennan (RIP) walk

We have to hurry, because the way that oil is gushing into the Gulf, we’re going to run out by the end of the year – the CBO just completed the calculation. So we need to pass Cap and Tax by Friday.

Or Al Gore might have to find a new gig, and we’ll all have to suffer through a long, hot summer.

Moles, Polls and Controlled Fat Rolls

I am getting tired of talking about the huge Mexican fiesta. But this was truly the party that refuses to end. Hopefully, this is the final wrap up.

First, just a side note on the menu. Did you see this? Apparently one of Ricky’s moles had super-survivor instincts and managed to elude the blender. He made a dash for it yesterday – right in front of  Big Guy while  he was pre-celebrating the passing of his Financial Reform bill. Polls indicate this will be a big hit with Main Street.

 Mole runs past Big Guy in the Rose Garden while he’s  yammering about the Wall Street mess.

The little guy, on the move. Note the lack of a long tail, and the decidedly hefty build: apparently he grabbed a snack in the kitchen before going missing.

The press corpse were still arguing about whether it was a mouse, a rat, a mole or a vole. And while a rat would have been the “best answer” given the topic under discussion –Wall Street - I assure you it was one of Ricky’s moles. I actually saw the little guy escape when he caught wind of what was going on in that blender. Under the circumstances, I guess he figured his chances were better with the the reporters than with Ricky, the mad mixologist. I can’t blame the little guy, and he was right: among the chattering classes, he’s just one of many rodents. As long as he stays under the radar, he should be fine.

Speaking of the fiesta – and this will be the last word on it – I have a little more information on the shimmery blue gown Lady M wore. Mr. Soronen was raised in a Detroit suburb, and the Detroit Free Press got this scoop about Lady M’s gown from Peter himself:

“This one has a fully boned corset, a silver belt and layers of chiffon — with a bit of lame that Soronen said gives it that little bit of sparkle.”

Well, at least now we know what happened to Tillikum, the killer whale.

I’m exhausted. I hope I can power down for a few hours.

Mole! (continued)

Smootie runs a much, much tighter ship than Desi ever did. Which is probably why the 2000 illegal immigrants gathered at the front gate last night were not allowed in for the Mexican Fiesta.  For starters, she was hanging with the enforcers instead of the celebrity guests. Desi never liked being photographed with the hired help.

Smootie and Chief Usher Stephen Rochon

Desi with designer Donna Karan

…and the ever chic and important Anna Wintour

So when Smootie  and Stephen demanded that all  the people wearing “La Raza” name tags show them their papers, they  dispersed rather quickly.

But we did have real stars at our state gala, Mexican ones too:

Ana Claudia Talancon, Giselle Fernandez, Mexican Tee Vee stars

As you already know, we had moles for dinner, but also lots of fresh vegs from the organic garden out back. In addition to the herbs, radishes and lettuces we also used the first hatch of the butterflies from Lady M’s butterfly garden to decorate the entertainment pavilion.

 Monarch (what else?) butterflies suspended from the canopy

And by all accounts the moles were a big hit! I suppose it didn’t hurt that they were served as a sauce (the blender, remember?) with Wagyu beef steaks. Lady M ordered hers with extra beef, sauce on the side. I think she enjoyed it, but she just pushed the beans – green and black – around on the plate.

Beyonce performed with her new blonde (!) hair and ruby red lips. She wore the only gown more sparkly than Lady M’s, but it was OK because she cleared it first with the Big White. Although, if we’d known about the blonde hair, I’m not sure it would have passed muster.

Beyonce, on her way to the Monarch festival at Big White

 

And good news! Everyone who got in last night had their papers in order. The only possible teensie-tiny misstep might have been with Eva Longoria. She did not get pre-approval to show up in that one-shouldered red gown, and as you can see, the inevitable comparisons will be made. But that’s unfair: I hear that Eva has store-bought hooters.

 

Just for future reference, the recycled blue-tarp lampshade gown might have been a little “over constructed” on the top. It actually looks rather painful – but that’s the price you pay to be a fashion icon.

On the Borderline

More on our mole dinner in a bit, but first I think you should know about the rest of the Mexican festivities yesterday.

First, the duo-presidentes Americano met in the Rose Garden to express their mutual disdain for selfish Americans who insist on border enforcement. Our duo presidentes prefer to think of the border between our two countries as a conceptual boundary or a recommended guideline.The matching candy-asses striped ties. The harsh words came later, but not fluently for Big Guy. Without TOTUS, he would have done better if he had spoken in Spanish and let the translator handle the English part.

Calderone was perfectly clear: he doesn’t want us to “criminalize migration,” Big Guy just wants us all to get along.

  Turning their back on US.

John Edwards was right: there are two Americas. And one of them is apparently discriminatory. The other one is the victim.

The duo first ladies also had an event filled morning at grade school: Sorry Mexico: our FLOTUS seems to be pulling you first lady into her elliptical orbit. Resistance is futile.

Lady M attracts all smaller bodies as she circles the room as a human super-collider

After one 2nd grader told MO “my Mom doesn’t have papers” (kids say the darndest things, don’t they?) Lady M recovers by showing her how to make herself look really big and threatening if approached by an Arizona State Trooper by doing her world famous Popeye impersonation. The little girl on the left calls a time out before things get ugly(er).

Photo via KA-CHING!

And now, back to our hugely successful mole dinner.

Potty Break Posting

Ok, I’ve got to hurry, because Lady M will be back from “powdering her nose” in just a second. Butt it gives me time to upload some reflections from my HD that I’m sure you want to see.

First, Madame, The Butt Shot You Requested:

I’ll, explain the “tail thingy” tomorrow.

Frijoles?

Margarita displays the Mexican girls

 Well, the “tail thingy” failed and the girls deflated

Smooty’s new First Family Intro:

“Here Come The Os, Here Come The Os” 

“Look at those girls again, and this won’t be the only ball you’ll be missing” 

“Guests with Lawn Seating, will find this more comfortable than the wet grass”

Oh my, gotta go . . . bye

Woolly Blue Curls

Welcome JWF readers! And thanks to JWF for the link.

OMG! OMG!

I’m really going to be too busy to live-blog, but I just had to send you this! Suzette – you got your wish! Pinned on hair – and poodle curly! And a gorgeous blue gown! But it’s not from Louis, Peter Soronen instead. He’s known in the trade as “Iron Man,” I think you’ll see why.

We look like a fairy princess! I’m pulling yeoman’s duty tonight - well, me and the Spanx.

More in the morning…

tonight’s inspiration: woolly blue curls, a lovely woodland flower

Stars, Quarks, Black Holes and A Full Moon

The guest list  for our Mexican Taco Night was just released to the press. Dr. Stephen Chu is coming, which explains why we had to quickly drop Jonathan Katz, the astrophysicist, from the Energy Department’s task force to fix the oil leak in the Gulf. Big Guy didn’t want the conversation preoccupied with Dr.Chu explaining why we have a homophobe working on the oil slick.

And here’s your star gazer alert: watch for George Lopez, Eva Longoria-Parker, Whoopi Goldberg, New York Jets Mark Sanchez and D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Olympic gold medal winner Shani Davis and also, Gayle King, a returning guest from the last state dinner. The Oprah’s going to be upset.

Oh, and Hillary isn’t bringing Bill: “previous engagement,” ha, ha, ha!

Gotta run, Smootie has to figure out where best to position me so I can reflect  any possible imposters AND make Lady M’s butt look small – without going overboard and making it too obvious.

photo compliments of Gerard’s KA-CHING! Blame him for ruining the cocktail hour.