The Morton Salt Presidency: When He Reigns, We’re Poor

UPDATE: ILLUSTRATION BELOW THANKS TO CRIPES SUZETTE!

A sudden and unexpected rain storm at Abraham Lincoln Cemetery in Illinois forced Big Guy to cancel his speech due to being unable to plug in his brain TOTUS. Our Morton Salt President: When he reigns, we’re poor.

You should have heard him up there, telling people to “calmly return to your cars” – you’d have thought we were expecting an asteroid to crash into the crowd, rather than a little rain. The cancellation was officially due to the potential danger of lightening, but if you saw the water running down Big Guy’s back off the umbrella, you’d have seen why TOTUS couldn’t be engaged. And Toes has laid down the law on this one: no TOTUS, no Big Guy. Period. We tried that once, last July. Remember? When those cops in Cambridge were acting stupidly? That’s why we didn’t have another presser until last week.

So we packed up Gram and the Wee Wons and headed back to Mecca (so to speak). As you can see we were still in our casual-at-home- comfortable style mode for the ride home.

Rear-view - in every respect of the word - as we prepare to board Air Force One

Deplaning in DC: frontal view is even more confusing. I was having a little trouble with my focus and color reflectors here, as you can see.

 

No, that’s right: harvest gold, avocado green, ironic black and white abstract print top with raglan sleeves and blouson waist

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously, how do you explain this? Quilting party gone rogue? Take your vintage curtains to work day? It’s definitely vintage, but it can’t be pinned on any one decade: 60’s colors, 70’s prints and 80’s style. I’m not sure this is the kind of retro people are yearning for. I think the current nostalgia for things from the past runs more along the lines of borders, language and culture: stuff that makes democracy work.

But hey! Strangely colored, patterned multi-culti Mumus might just do the trick too. Remember, being a fashion-forward icon means Lady M knows more about these things than you or I. So I’d suggest you all head on down to your local Salvation Army store to stock up. It’s probably a good idea to get used to shopping there anyway.

cartoon H/T Cripes Suzette!

All Is Well, Safely Rest.

Tweet-le D-Day to Tweet-le Dumb

Lady M said it’s been so nice being back home, where we don’t have to put on any Ayers because everyone here already knows who we  are.

But it sure has been noisy around here. Everyone is slamming cupboards and I’ve even seen a couple of flying saucers. Just a little dispute over when, exactly, we’re heading back to the Big White

Apparently there was some kind of major communication breakdown between Big Guy and Toes regarding attendance at the traditional Arlington Cemetery Memorial Day service. I just happened to catch the reflection of a tweet that came in from Toes in Jerusalem late last night. Here’s what it said, and pardon my French - but I think you all know how Toes is: “WTF! What are you still doing in Chi-town? get yur ass back to DC for the Arlington gig u giant FU.” I’m sure that sounds harsher in 140 characters than Rhambo meant it.

So then, Big Guy – who’s had a very tough week, did I mention that? - tweets back: “Chill, dude – I’m hitting a wreath ceremony at Abraham Lincoln cemetery right here. Same, same.” 

Big Guy tried to pretend he didn’t get a response to that one from Toes, but my reflector drive had already peeked captured its image bouncing off Big Guy’s Blackberry.  “ get your dumb ass back NOW you dick-head, You're president of the f---ing US, not mayor of f---g Chicago!” Amazingly, he got his message across with dozens of characters to spare.

Odds are good BO tells Toes he never got his tweet. That won’t be pleasant, but Lady M’s not ready to go back just yet and it will be easier than dealing with her.

Did I mention Big Guy’s had a really, really tough week? I think it’s the toughest in the entire history of the world. “Let's face it: this has been the toughest year and a half since any year and a half since the 1930s.”

Somehow I don’t think it’s going to be any better next week.

 Just f---ing shoot me now!

“He’s Just a Guy in the Neighborhood” UPDATED

Thanks to MOL ‘Anon2’ we have an update from Byron York. Turns out the Reverend Farrakhan really is just a “guy in the neighborhood” after all!  After some uncomfortable hours,  a quick call from one of our homies in Motown got the Rev’s Fruits to stand down. Crisis averted, and Big Guy never even had to hear about it let alone try to deal with it. And that’s a good thing, since he’s had a lot of other “stuff” on his plate lately.

Your pooler got a call at about 10:15 local time from a pool report reader who identified himself as the Rev. Gary Hunter, a Baptist minister in Motown who writes and blogs for the Detroit Times. He said he had called Minister Farrakhan and his son and asked them to have the Fruit stand down.
“I told him you were good people,” Rev. Hunter said. “He said he didn’t know you all were just waiting for the president.”

ORIGINAL POST:

Oh dear! It seems our friendly little neighborhood BBQ last night at, reportedly, the house of an “old friend”  was inadvertently held at a home owned by none-other than race baiter, Jew-hater Louis Farrakhan. And even though he’s just “a guy in the neighborhood,” the suddenly not-so-supportive press is probably going to try to make a big deal out of it anyway. At least we still have AP on our side. But it seems like almost everyone else is bailing on us: our “conservative” cheerleader, Peggy Noonan – even the Wapo!

Oh yeah, we’re having fun now! You can tell by our facial expressions. But I’m not crazy about that “shot from behind bars” effect.

I’m going to have to tell you, it’s really been a pretty crappy weekend so far:

The Sestak Bribery scandal refuses to go away

The Giant Oil Leak refuses to go away

The criticism refuses to go away

And the “thin-skinned” Won refuses to go away

Maybe we should have just stayed in Washington and gone to the tomb of the unknown soldier after all.

 

Valuable evidence gathered via DougRoss@Journal

Chicago Style

Big Guy was exhausted when he got back from his Cajun beach trip last night so we just did takeout last night: Lou Malnati deep dish pizza, ribs and Chicago style dogs.

Since we didn’t go out yesterday, I’ve been laying low. Even though  Little Bo is here, I kind of miss Raj and Little Mo. Raj had to stay back to help Ax-man find and erase any emails emanating from the Big White that might have inadvertently mentioned Representative Joe Sestak’s name. And I think he said something about having to insert a few too, maybe from President Clinton. I’m not sure what that’s all about, but Raj said he’s getting a big bonus for helping out. Must be special holiday pay.

Today Ikram is sending some new outfits over for Lady M’s consideration.  We haven’t quite decided on our summer look yet.

Here’s what Lady M wore at Thursday’s historic kickoff of the  Social Innovation fund – as if we need more social innovation around here:We seem to be working with drapey, swoopy tops this season, which - even with my reverse depth-imaging system set on high – really needs the help of a Wonderbra to give us something to drape and swoop. Or maybe we could just move the belt up an inch or so…?

Do you recognize the dress from our first historic Great Britain trip last year? (now you know why we don’t have any full length photos of Thursday’s social innovation)

Note how we’ve updated the look: no teensy short sleeved sweater, no boob belt. Could this be the end of an era?

 

 

 

Geometric prints, which can disguise certain figure flaws, can also create optical illusions that make you woozy if not handled carefully.

Here’s what we wore to the first ever historic Jewish American Heritage Month celebration at the Big White. Honestly, I sometimes think Smootie just makes things up as an excuse to throw a party. I don’t think this is an official holiday since it’s not on my hard drive.

For one thing, if they were serious about celebrating American Jewish Heritage month, don’t you think they would have done it before Toes was mysteriously called away on a secret mission to Israel ?

Another nice drapey bodice, but the vintage Mylar mobile/corsage is a bit too reminiscent of wallpaper from the 80’s for my taste.

I’m not sure what the deal is with the dots and dashes motif we’ve got going here. Maybe we’re just practicing our Morse Code now that all our emails are going to be subject to subpoena.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

I can’t believe it – I’m in the Windy City with Lady M and the family!

Chicago skyline under the moonlight

Even little Bo. We’re blowing off Washington for the the whole Memorial Day Weekend. We’ll all be staying at the old family home, which Lady M said seems a little cramped now.

    We’re wearing stringy things again, but at least no brooches.

I love how we all co-ordinate when we travel as a pack

I was a little surprised we weren’t going to be in town for the traditional Arlington Cemetery ceremony – we always used to go. But since Big Guy’s brain is in Israel for his son’s bar mitzvah, I guess we tried to wing it. Lady M said Big Guy was under a lot of stress and needed a little vacation. And I guess Toes told Big Guy it was ok for him to skip the tribute to the fallen heroes as long as he went up to West Point last weekend to remind them all that he’s the president and thus has absolute power over their lives. 

Actually, I was afraid it was Lady M who refused to go, because of all the mean things the Fox News Trolls said about her last appearance there to honor fallen heroes.

If you don’t remember it, let’s just say it came to be known as the ‘ammunition belt incident,’ and leave it at that.

Anyway, I’ll keep you posted on any interesting developments here on the shore of Lake Michigan. Maybe if we have enough bubbly I can even get back to you with some clarification on precisely who it was that did not offer Sestak a job, and why, even if they had, it had nothing to do with him dropping out of the PA senate race.

This is going to be fun. I just love a good whodunit.

Big Guy’s game face aboard Air Force 1 en route to Chicago: Are we having fun yet?

Sometimes Experience is More Important

I knew we would wear a print! But first, here’s an un-smudged shot of the hot pink number we wore for a hot morning at Wayne State University*.

A dirndl skirt! What a good idea. But, we did change clothes for lunch with the kids in the Kresge Court under the lovely Rivera mural at the Detroit Institute of Art. You probably think the wardrobe change was due to the heat and humidity we suffered through for Lady M’s 15 minute speech in the hot sun. Not so! Lady M, fashion icon that she is, just wanted to wear something derivative of all the great art that resides in the DIA.

You might think that’s a joke, but back in the good old 20th century, when Motown stood for something other than the former home of the former Big Three, the Autos made enough money to keep the whole country afloat. Local cultural institutions like the DIA were the beneficiaries of their largesse which they used it to acquire a great stash of art, some of it quite fine. Now I think they’re slowly  selling it off to pay the electricity bill. So you should go now, before it’s all gone.

Modern, organic art print

 Thez, by Victor Vasarely

Now, just a quick word about where we didn’t go while we were in Detroit: we didn’t go to disgraced former-mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s Get- Out-Of-Jail-Free party. It had to be cancelled, due to his unexpected re-incarceration. Up till a couple of years ago Kwame lived a charmed life: good schools, law degree, political career on a constant rising arc. Then, after acting stupidly by cheating on his wife, firing 2 cops who were snooping around allegations of impropriety and then authorizing the city to buy them off for $9 million for their illegal firing , he unfortunately also lied under oath and was convicted of a felony.

In order to “just move on” and “start the healing” the Judge let him off easy and he served only 90 days in Detroit’s version of Club-Fed, the county jail, before being released on probation. He was ordered to pay restitution to the city of $1 million (that’s a pretty good discount, considering the $9 million settlement he cost the city). But because Kwame, like Big Guy, was one of the anointed ones, he continued to live large – and Kwame is very,very large:

and only had $6 left for restitution. The judge wasn’t buying any of it, calling him deceitful and arrogant, and sent him back to the slammer - only this time it’s the state pen in Jackson. And, sad for Representative Carolyn Cheeks-Kilpatrick, Kwame is her son: the one she used to call “the anointed one.” His daddy is also currently under investigation for bribery and fraud allegedly using his son’s position as mayor for personal gain.

Needless to say, being sent back to jail is a real buzz kill so last night’s after-glo party in Lady M’s honor with Spike Lee, Magic Johnson, Eric Holder, Robin Givhan and Kimberly Locke had to be cancelled.

Kwame didn’t kill Detroit single-handedly, he had decades of help from fellow Democrats. But he certainly did plunge it into a much deeper quagmire of entitlement, corruption and fiscal disaster. Will Detroit survive Kwame’s reign of narcissism?  Unclear at this point.

Detroit still has much worth saving, maybe current mayor Dave Bing – former Piston great and successful business owner can get the job done. ‘Cuz sometimes it’s better to actually know how to do something rather than just being anointed to do it.

*Old Main Hall, Wayne State University: Photo by John Cruz, Misplaced Focus

Mentoring Detroit

Hoo-wee! Is it ever hot and muggy in MOtown today. Never-the-less, I’m committed to semi-live blogging Lady-M’s momentous mentoring event from Detroit. Tons of stars showed up: Michigan Guv Jenni Granholm and her first spouse Dan Mulhern-Granholm, Detroit Dems, John Conyers and Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (who’s had a bad few days – more on that later) and singer Kimberly Locke.

Had I bothered to check the weather forecast, I probably could have predicted that we’d choose our hot pink sleeveless, sheer bodice, body hugging sheath with signature pin for the event:

 

And I don’t know who was responsible for loading Lady M’s teleprompter, but I think they put the wrong speech in – not that anyone would notice. But this was supposed to be about mentoring, I thought. Yet the whole speech sounded more like a rally for the Youth Obama Corp(se). We talked about the importance of education, hard work, responsibility – up till then it could have been a young Republican’s rally. But then we veered into all of Big Guy’s old campaign slogans, where Lady M told the kids at Wayne State not to listen to anyone who told them that they can’t do something (as if they do these days anyway), just tell them “Yes We Can!” And later, she reminded them that “You are the ones we’ve been waiting for!” and to be sure to be responsible for themselves, but also for everyone else in the neighborhood, state, country and, indeed, around the world.

That sounds like an awesome amount of responsibility, but not as long as “big important people (like Lady M) are out there rooting for you.”

Then we wrapped up by an assurance for the youth guard that “We’ll keep working for you just as long as you keep working for us!” Umm, umm, umm!

The kids really liked the part of Lady M’s speech where she told them that Barack was not born President. She said he was no more gifted or skilled than any of them. That all they had to do to be president one day was to work really, really hard and have someone who will believe in, and back them. Unfortunately, we can’t tell you exactly who that is in Big Guy’s case, because they don’t want to come out from behind the curtain just yet.

Oh, and she also didn’t mention that the other thing they’ll be needin’ is a really good teleprompter.

Got to run now. We’re off to lunch at the Detroit Institute of Arts – where I understand they have a huge mural of the the depersonalization of the working man in industrial society by Diego Rivera done in 1932. Don’t tell me this city wasn’t visionary: imagine all those years ago knowing how popular Mexicans were going to be! Did I mention that Diego and his wife were also communists? They’re a lot more popular than they used to be too.

Better pictures later, the sun got in my reflectors, and the humidity is steaming up my live-streaming. Also more on the Kilpatrick’s Detroit dynasty.