While Lady M was busy packin’ Halloween treats for distribution later this evening at the Big White, Big Guy was busy packin’ the house. On the campaign trail, I mean. He’s trying to save America from the clutches of the the Party of Hell No: the Republicans – who drove us into this ditch we can’t figure out how to get out of.
Captain on the bridge to nowhere
Moving forward in Philly – without so much as a podium!
On to Bridgeport, Ct.
Practicing our goulish poses for Halloween in Ct.
At least they had our podium there.
Unfortunately they also had ‘a whole bunch of’ racist haters misguided youts’ who just wanted to let off some steam by heckling Big Guy. At least it was friendly fire.
But finally – on to Chi-town, where our real friends are.
HOME FOR OUR GQ SHOOT
OPENING AT THE SANDS NEXT WEEK!
I thought for sure there would be someone in Chicago we trusted enough to hang our POTUS seal, but apparently not. I’m not sure what that means.
We’re off to Cleveland now, for a HUGE get out the vote rally this afternoon. JoeyB’s coming too, so that should be fun. Then back to the Big White for our 2nd historic Halloween party.
Tune in later today for a review of Lady M’s Halloween costume options, and vote for your favorite. Remember, every one of your votes counts - at least once.
So here’s a question that should be easy to answer - why can’t these guys from the Big White staff,
the making of the president: trappings and optics are tantamount
who are setting up the Briefing Room for yesterday’s impromptu message from Big Guy about the Al Qaeda terrorists who still want to blow us up:
See?
just travel with Big Guy on the road so he can always look presidential? Looking presidential, by definition, requires the Presidential Seal be affixed properly to the podium behind which Big Guy delivers his attacks, dictums and messages of Hope and Change.
And if they would go with, we would not have to deal with this continuing problem that we encountered again yesterday at Virginia Congressman Tom Perriello’s rally:
How can you look presidential when you can’t trust anyone to hang your POTUS seal?
And if he had his POTUS seal right there, where it belongs, you wouldn’t even notice how scary Big Guy is starting to look.
we’re so passionate we’re starting to froth at the mouth a little
Seriously, he’s even starting to scare his fan base, who are usually scared only by mean Republicans and fundamental Christians.
be not afraid children: embrace thy god
We’ve got to get those two guys from the Big White assigned to the road crew before it’s too late. It’s already gone beyond the seal, we need those columns now too. If Dewey from Detroit can get it right, we can too. Yes We Can!
Busy,busy schedule the weekend before Armageddon. I hope Big Guy takes my advice.
Meanwhile, Lady M and the other ladies of the krewe attended a funeral in Chicago yesterday.
Lady M, Val, and Susan, all in black, attend a funeral
That’s not really a good omen. And why is MO smiling?
There, that’s more like it.
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:
Dateline Big White: White House Mouthpiece, Robert “Bagdad Bob” Gibbs this morning, calmed American’s fears about an imminent terrorist attack. Bagdad Bob confirmed that in spite of a wave of terrorist bombs sent to America from Yemen and Dubai aboard cargo planes, he will not, repeat NOT, cancel his campaign appearances for dead Dems walking. Big Guy will not alter his plans to make rousing campaign appearances in 5 states over the next 3 days that include stops in Philadelphia and Chicago.
Asked about the likely mid-term loss of control of the Congress, Gibbsy said "The president was quite clear on this: We are taking this threat very seriously." He continued, "The president's travel plans both this evening and tomorrow at this point are not expected to change.”
Asked by this reporter why Big Guy is not cancelling campaign activities to focus on defending Americans from another terrorist attack, Gibbsy said “I’ll let Big Guy respond in his own words:”
Bagdad Bob also reaffirmed that, no matter what the voters say, “We are not giving the keys back to the Republicans.”
No word on whether or not the Chicago stop includes a visit with Rahm “Toes” Emanuel at the Division Street Schvitz.
This is MOTUS reporting from Big White. Back to you Chet.
You know what? Dr. Jill Biden is starting to get on my nerves. It used to be she would just stand around on the sidelines, smiling, nodding, looking like a proper VFLOTUS. Now she’s acting like she’s auditioning for the lead roll.
She and MO shared a historic joint appearance on Ellen yesterday. Lady M danced onto the set of Ellen’s little coffee klatch to the strains of Kool and the Gang’s “Ladies Night” as she told the audience “I’m trying to move” – her patented concept for fighting obesity. Meanwhile, Dr. Jill does this sexy slink towards the couch in her tight dress, wiggling her hips like a teenager in heat, to the beat of the Black Eyed Peas “I’ve Got a Feeling.” If I hadn’t seen the rehearsal, I’d have sworn they got their music mixed up. Butt I will say this: apparently knowing how to move is an effective aide in fighting excess body fat.
One of MO’s objective’s – aside from saving the elections for the dead Dems walking - was to put to rest the rumor about MO hatin’ on being FLOTUS (started by that little troublemaker, Carla). Speaking of life in the White House, she said: “It’s amazing. It’s a gift and a privilege every day.” Actually, there are days when we get even more than one gift. That part really is amazing. We keep one of those giant PODS containers behind the servants’ quarters to store all of our booty until the inevitable day when we have to Moveon.org.
But getting back to Dr. Jill, what exactly does she think she’s doing? Sure, she has a doctorate in Education, butt look, she’s going to be 60 next year. Why does she have to be dancing, talking and staying slim like that? She doesn’t look anything like a typical white grandmother. Maybe it’s time to get in the back seat and give the keys back to the most powerful woman in the world. Behold the power of MO’s charm, as she speaks of the Wee Wons:
"Fortunately the girls are pretty young. They're not watching the news. They're pretty much watching Disney and all that good stuff. They're fairly shielded but when they have questions we talk about it honestly. ... Fortunately they have friends who don't make it an issue. I think it's been better than I would of expected."
Maybe Dr. Jill, who used to be an English teacher, could find some personal fulfillment by tutoring Lady M in English grammar. Not that I’m saying MO needs tutoring, because she is a Princeton and Harvard Law graduate, in case you didn’t know. But it looks to me like Dr. Jill needs to polish up her self-esteem a little, and maybe thinking she’s helping someone else would help.
On the other hand. if she’s the won who taught JoeyB how many letters there are in “jobs,” maybe not. Butt I’m pretty sure that when that incident occurred she only had a Master’s degree in edducayshun.
And hey, here’s another opportunity: maybe she could tutor our VPOTUS in history too. He seems to keep getting little facts and details mixed up. For example, just the other day Joey told attendees at a Dem fundraiser:
“Every single great idea that has marked the 21st century, the 20th century and the 19th century has required government vision and government incentive,”
Really!?? Government vision and incentive?
So we can thank the government for Edison’s incandescent light bulb as well as the first-ever commercial electricity company? I though investors and JP Morgan (hateful capitalist pig bank) backed that.
And the Wright brothers air plane? And automobiles? Television? Telephones? Penicillin? Canned beer? How about toasters, crayons and Lifesavers? To say nothing of Teflon, Tupperware and Post-it-Notes? All great ideas. All government vision? Hmm.
And Xerox machines? I believe the U.S. Army Signal Corp turned down an offer to sign up to invest in these babies. That’s pretty good government vision. And government incentivized the building of Micro-soft and Windows? I only remember Justice trying to dis-incentivize them by trying to break them up under the Anti-Trust Act (Ok, I’ll grant you that Windows may be a bad examples of “great” ideas.) But how about Apples and iPods? Steve Jobs is a government tool? Who knew.
I’d add the Internet to the list; but since Algore was a government functionary right up until the time Bush stole the election from him, I’ll have to give that one to Joey. Now that Al’s a freelancer, I will note that he has invented the largest environmental and financial scam of all time in the form of carbon credits. But again, I’ll have to give that one to Joey too: there is definitely a ton of government “incentives” involved there.
Otherwise, I would have to say that the only “government vision and incentive” involved in most of the truly great ideas has been their vision of additional revenue which incentivized lawmakers to find new ways to tax them.
But wait: there’s more! Joey was still not done with his mis-mis-understanding of the nature of government and private enterprise:
“In the middle of the Civil War you had a guy named Lincoln paying people $16,000 for every 40 miles of track they laid across the continental United States. … No private enterprise would have done that for another 35 years.”
Whoa, there J-Man! Not only did you mis-remember most of your facts about the the Transcontinental Railway, but you might not want to give government too much credit for what ultimately was a typical government project of out of control costs and endemic corruption. These are the dudes that put the “robber” in robber baron.
Whew! I guess we’re all just lucky that Big Guy went on the Daily Show
and Lady M went on Ellen in her pink sweater set and floral pencil skirt
When Big Guy walked unto the set at the Daily Show, he owned the room. No, literally. It was from the Dem’s Convention, and we had it stored in the basement so all we had to do was bring it up and ship it across town to where Jon has temporarily set up for his fake news show.
I’d have to say, the interview went rather well. Big Guy rocked the vote! I know you couldn’t see him, butt v-Totus was there, embedded in the glass topped desk to help BO through the tough spots. You can tell if you watch his eyes going up and down, up and down. Normally Jon would have made fun of that, but since he was already calling Big Guy partisan, divisive, derisive and timid, he didn’t want to call him stupid too.
BTW, apparently Megyn Kelly is too busy hatin’ on us and Professor William Jacobson has been soooo busy that he even forgot his own anniversary, butt (BM) I’m still waiting for replies to my tweets (Or are those tweeties? I’m not really up to speed on this stuff). I know they’re going to represent me with great vigor, butt (BM) how long does a mirror have to wait for reflective justice?
Anyway, as is his custom, BO’s lecture included a lot of “whole bunch of’s” and “heck of a’s” to show that he’s just one of us “folks.” Here’s how our Brit friends saw it:
The one news point in the interview was a hint that he favoured reform of the Senate's filibuster tactic that frequently obstructs legislation. But he did not tackle it when the Democrats had a big majority in the Senate …
Of course, we had a lot of “changes” to ramrod up your through our Senate back then.
Stewart teased the president about his campaign slogan "Yes, we can", suggesting that these days it was "Yes, we can, with conditions attached".
Obama replied: "When I say that when we promised during the campaign, change you can believe in, it wasn't change you can believe in in 18 months ...What I would say is, 'Yes, we can', but it is not going to happen overnight.
No, just under the cover of night.
And BTW, 18 months in the Senate was long enough to qualify to be President. Butt (BM) just like in the Senate he’s been “present” ever since he was elected.
At one point, he said that while Obama ran for president with audacity, the change he’s enacted has felt rather "timid."
"Jon, I love your show, but this is something where, you know, I have a profound disagreement with you," Obama said. "And I don't want to lump you in with a lot of other pundits, but this notion that health care is timid ..."
It produced a rare rejoinder from Stewart – "I'll tell you what I mean, and I don't mean to lump you in with other presidents"
Good move, Jon. We’ve never had such a historic president before. Ever.
And then, BO disclosed this:
“We’ve done things that some folks don’t even know about”
And we HOPE you never do, because those things would land some of us in the hoosegow. Butt (BM) keeping those secrets secret is getting a lot harder as our lapdogs in the LSM are not as reliable as they once were (except the gang at Ms.NBC – thanks!) and our staff rats seem to be jumping off our sinking ship. And it was their loose lips that sunk us to begin with.
At one point Obama began praising the performance of departing economic adviser Larry Summers, saying he has done a "heck of a job," using a phrase former President George W. Bush made famous when he complimented FEMA director Michael Brown in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
Stewart interrupted. "You don't want to use that phrase, dude," he said.
To which Big Guy quickly recovered and said “Pun intended.”Is it just me? I’m still waiting for the pun.
And then, Jon asked Bo: “Are you still the ones we’ve been waiting for?” Now that’s a tricky one. Some are still waiting. And some wish they were still waiting. And some know that they are the ones we’ve been waiting for – butt (BM) not in a good way. Now everybody just seems to be waiting for them all to leave.
This is our new Jason Wu gathered leaf print chiffon bodice dress, paired with our signature Alaia boob belt.
We knocked them dead in Hollywood! First stop: a bit south in Long Beach at the Women’s Conference. We wore our favorite custom Jason Wu morning conference gown by that adorable little boy doll designer who just gets Lady M. Although I’m thinking he might want to consider taking some new measurements around the, uh, equator zone. I’m not being critical, just trying to prevent him from going out of business too.
Look how awestruck the audience is at MO’s remarks:
They’re mesmerized
Lady M did a special shout out to military spouses at the Women’s Conference (I’m sure there were a lot of them there), explaining that military spouses have special demands placed on them. She explained how they sacrifice almost as much as she, herself, does for her country. She asked her audience to reach out to these struggling spouses (if they know any) and offer a comforting hand of friendship, adding:
"It is what we do for our sisters, it is what we do for our girlfriends, our mothers and our daughters. We show up. We show up at the door with some food. We show up at the door with some chocolate. And if things are really bad we show up with a bottle of wine. We, as women, know how to reach out. We know how to support each other. And the question is: What can we as women do to support our military spouses?"
Well, I guess she just answered that; food, chocolate and wine. What else could they possibly need?
Here’s MO and Maria doing a boobs, guns and butt side-by-side. I reflect, you decide:
Does this Shriver make my butt look big?
I’m giving the guns to Mo, with hooters and butts going to Maria. She probably takes the hair category too, but that’s not really a fair competition.
Then we rolled on to Los Angeles to do what we do best: raise money for the cranky little Senator:
Hallo every bod-ie!
I don’t care who designs these dresses, I’ve told them all a million times: a wallpaper pattern with a wallpaper fit is beyond my powers of refraction. Sheeze, I wish they would cut me (and Lady M) a little slack. It’s not as if I don’t have enough to worry about around here.
This audience was a little more animated than the one in the morning. MO gave a rousing speech to the clearly excited crowd, exhorting them to:
… stay the course for change [?? is that concept not mutually exclusive??], saying she knows it's not coming fast enough for many people. [which? staying the course, or change?]
Ha, ha! That’s a good one! They can’t wait for next Tuesday either.
Ok, so Rhode Island is all wee weed up over Big Guy skipping dinner to come home to perform his fatherly ‘dooty’. Where was the outrage when that ungrateful, racist whiner Frank Caprio, who is soon to officially be “Loser” Frank Caprio, told Big Guy to “shove it”?
I think you see the blatant, NPR-ish double standard here.
Let’s start at the beginning. Arnold “Buff” & Johnnie Chace (don’t you get all wee weed up too: Johnnie is a girl) threw a fundraiser for our Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee in their “well-appointed home” in Providence, Rhode Island. The price tag, $7500 per head.
For your money you got to linger in Buff & Johnnie’s “well-appointed home,” meet and press the flesh with the dead Dems walking, make eye contact with our first, second historic black President and have a sumptuous meal prepared with love by Rhode Island’s most famous celebrity chefs. I don’t know how famous their celebrity chefs are outside of Rhode Island, though. Our chefs are pretending they don’t even know them. None of them are on the Cooking Channel, let alone Food TV and Guy Fieri has never rolled out to any of their dives.
Butt they whipped up a sumptuous spread of fine locavoric eats:
I know the souvenir menu is hard to read, I spilled some of “Georges Special Sauce” on it, so I’ll reproduce it below:
The Presidential Menu
Lobster Risotto Grilled Dirty Steak with George’s Special Sauce Al Forno Mashed Potatoes Slivered Green Beans Apple Crisp Tart
No waffles, no wings and no wieners...on the menu. I think you see the problem.
Butt the chefs, farmers and other locavores shined a light of abundance on the local harvest:
hors d’oeuvres by Plantation Catering of Newport; owner Carol Smith helped Chace coordinate the event and served local clams casino, mini lobster club sandwiches, wild rice pancakes with cranberry chutney and vegetable quesadillas.
Stock for the Risotto was made with chickens (Rhode Island Reds, in honor of Big Guy) from Lily Rose Farm
The grass-fed beef came from Aquidneck Farms, which is located on conservation land overlooking the Sakonnet River in Portsmouth
Andrade’s Catch of Bristol brought the lobster
The herbs, onions, carrots and leeks on the menu came from Southside Community Land Trust, a network of urban gardens in Providence
Green beans came from Confreda Farms of Cranston
Spuds from Maplewood Farms of Portsmouth
The dessert table featured the apple tart from chef Andrew Shotts' Garrison Confections of Central Falls. The apples in the tart came from the historic Dame Farm & Orchards in Johnston and was paired with Sakonnet Vineyard’s Winterwine 2008.
Narragansett Creamery, the first artisan cheesesheads in Providence, provided a “cheese display table”. I don’t know if the cheeses were real or stunt cheeses, butt they clearly were for display only.
Historic, pumpkin carvings were supplied by Passion for Pumpkins, an Oxford, Massachusetts-based group. They also provided carvings depicting Big White, and a pineapple, as a nod to Big Guy’s alleged birth state.
So, let’s just cut to the chace, Big Guy came, he made eye contact with the cash cows, and he boogied out of town to finish “scooping the poop” he’d been dishing out all day. So, cut him some slack. Lady M did. As soon as she saw the cooler full of lobsters and apple tarts he had Buff and Johnnie pack “to go”. Oh, and a case of the Winter Wine.
So let’s not hear any more about “didn’t Big Guy’s Mom teach him any manners?” and “You’d think a ‘typical white’ grandma would have made sure the Won learned his P’s and Cues.” I’ve seen the records from Harvard; he was clearly recorded as “present” at the Business and Politics Etiquette Seminar. And no one ever mentioned that you don’t take “doggie” bags home from a dinner at a “well-appointed home.”
We chose the perfect all day snacking outfit for yesterday’s grueling campaign trip to the Left Coast:
Is that a snack pouch in the front of our blouse?
Peter Pilotto was the lucky $14 million lottery winner!
Patty, Dr. Jill and Mo, all in a row
For the first lunch we wore his new Fall print blousey top with a special tummy pouch. I’m not sure who designed the baggy black slacks, but they seem to have been designed to survive multiple lunches too.
"This election isn't just about all that we've accomplished these past couple of years. This election is about all that we have left to do in the months and years ahead," (YIKES.) "And Washington, let me just say this: My husband can't do this alone.”
Butt, we’re taking no chances. We’re hitting the airwaves today to ensure all our supporters get out to vote ahead of the elections so they can vote again next Tuesday.
As she told the crowd yesterday:
"You see, the one thing I asked all of you over the course of the campaign - I said, 'If I'm giving you my husband, then you have to have his back.'
And as we all know, there’s no better way to “have his back” than to vote early and often. Of course, this message is only meant for those who don’t want to give her her husband back, immediately.
And speaking of Big Guy, his POTUS seal is still missing in action. As was Rhode Island’s Democratic gubernatorial candidate, Frank Caprio whom Big Guy declined to endorse because, well, it looks like Independent Lincoln Chaffee has a better shot at winning. And we’re partial to winners in our column now.
Mr. Caprio indicated he didn’t care about the endorsement anyway, in a typically colorful, Rhode Island way. Man, where’s Buddy Cianci when we need him?
Providence Mayor David Cicilline, running for Congress, does care what Big Guy does with his endorsements. He may change his mind next Tuesday.
And of course, there was our San Francisco fund raiser last night. Look: the ladies all went for hair, nails, makeup and wardrobe changes after the Seattle round of fundraising.
Watch out Barbara, Elizabeth and Whoopie! The new Ladies of the View have arrived.
And you too, Oprah. We’re not going to be in Washington for ever.
Well, don’t anyone tell Maria Pinto, Kia Milla, and now, Tracy Feith about Lady M’s power to move markets. Unfortunately they all went belly-up following Lady M’s endorsement of their designs.
MO in 3 of Maria’s frocks
Kia’s Green Geenie inspiration
Surfer boy Tracy’s oriental print for Lady M
I just don’t understand how this can be, maybe they just had cash flow problems, or their accountants were embezzling. Because according to the prestigious Harvard Business Review, they should have been selling stock, not closing up shop.
HBR’s recently published study,Vision Statement: How This First Lady Moves Markets, demonstrates definitively – or as definitively as any Harvard study these days – that Lady M generates value of 14 million dollars every time she steps out of the Big White in someone’s outfit. Furthermore, she has driven increased value of companies’ stocks who make or sell stuff she wears over 2.7 billion dollars!!!!!!
So at least now you understand why MO was selected Fortune’s Most Powerful Woman in the World. Apparently it has nothing to do with our organic garden and No Kids’ Fat Behind program after all.
Here’s an interesting little factoid from the well researched Harvard study:
Few models or celebrities make the kind of impact on company stock price that Michelle Obama does. The First Lady’s astonishing influence may be tied to the fact that consumers know she’s not paid to wear what she does, whereas they may subconsciously discount models’ endorsements as inherently corrupt.
… as opposed to the inherently non-corrupt motives of Washington. They seem to understand that Lady M’s clothes choices is just a part of her sacrificing for the American people.
The third and final factor driving this effect is Michelle Obama’s authenticity in the context of fashion. Consumers perceive her interest in and knowledge of fashion to be genuine. Combine those three factors and you have a powerful force: a woman who, every time she leaves the White House, creates an average of $14 million in value for the companies lucky enough to be chosen by her.
After reading this prestigious and comprehensive Harvard study, “Toxic Timmy” Geitner put together a plan to stimulate the economy by having Lady M change frocks hourly. His Treasury weasels are busy developing a model to translate our daily economic contribution, estimated to exceed $224 million per day, into the number of jobs MO has created or saved. It’s an almost infinite number!
Stay tuned: when we land in Seattle later this morning we’ll see who’s lucky enough to make $14 million today.
Practicing our goulish poses for Halloween in Ct.
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