Obama: TWF. Pitching Fits at Windmills. WTF

I tried to put this as nicely as I could last week when I explained the situation that caused Big Guy to walk out on the debt talks.

“Apparently Eric triggered this outburst when he took Big Guy at his word that these discussions were not going to be about political posturing. He ill-manneredly had the audacity to interrupt Big Guy - 15 minutes into his political posturing - to suggest a short-term solution.

Don’t be fooled. Just because he sounds smart, Eric is not in Big Guy’s intellectual league by a long shot. If you know what I mean.

That impertinence on the part of one of the little people, who clearly doesn’t know his place, triggered that “petulant-child syndrome” we’ve been trying to keep under wraps. I guess we still need to work on it a bit.”

Courtesy of The Looking Spoon

Unfortunately, others who don’t have Big Guy’s interests at heart (I hate to name names, butt people such as Pundette) managed to wrangle the ugly details out of some of the R-words who have been attending the debt talks. Warning: this is graphic!

“McConnell, the Senate minority leader, did not participate in the earlier negotiations, seven weeks of them, guided by Vice President Biden. Senate Republican whip Jon Kyl had taken part in those talks, which were friendlier and far more productive than the meetings run by Obama. Biden, despite his reputation as Washington’s premier windbag, had restrained himself. The president hasn’t. He’s talked incessantly, and for so long that others often gave up trying to get a word in. Obama dominated one session so completely that only one of the four Republicans spoke and then only in short spurts. [. . .]

The president has been less genial away from the prying eyes of the press and the public. In the private talks, he’s dominated the discussion with the eight most senior members of Congress in an overbearing way not likely to lead to compromise. He’s been argumentative. He’s come across as President Blowhard.

After Sperling briefed the group on the deficit cap proposal, House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi addressed another subject. When a Republican participant criticized the deficit cap, Obama interrupted with a monologue. When the Republican tried to speak a second time, the President quickly cut him off, and delivered another sermon on why the criticism was wrong.

Obama has taken the tack that he must respond to everything that’s said, whether by a Republican, a Democrat, or even Biden. And his responses, like those in his press conferences, are never brief. But who’s going to complain about Obama’s verbosity, at least in his presence? He’s the President.”

In the land of the blind, even a one-eyed man might seem kingly

I just think it’s a little harsh to call BO a narcissist though, as many have. And Monty P goes way over the top, referring to him as Don Quixote:

Obama is doing what he believes right and just.  Sophomoric understanding, however, does not explain why the inequities of the world are assumed to be Obama's responsibility.  How does one go from President of the US to a modern-day Don Quixote for the entire world? (snip)

Obama's narcissistic disorder apparently enables him to see himself as the President of The World, the Great Rectifier and the One We Have Been Waiting For.  Some supporters speak of Obama in messianic terms, as he himself has arrogantly done.  This behavior pattern could be indicative of severe delusion, even megalomania.(snip)

El Presidente of the world

The original Don Quixote's tilting at windmills was charming and harmless.  This knight of old was noble and honorable.  He possessed character and integrity.  While a bit crazed, his motives were pure.  It was difficult not to admire him.

None of that holds true for President Quixote.  The only thing these two delusional people have in common is a fascination with windmills.  The old knight imagined them as dragons to be slain, the modern one as solutions to the world's problems.  Which belief is more rational is left to the reader to decide.

Look! Up in the sky box! It’s the Super Don Quxiote!

Now, I know you’ve all been wondering what Lady M’s been up to, other than her pedicure which we saw on Sunday:

Waiting for paint to dry

She’s been getting the complete buff and polish job for her swing state tour that starts tomorrow. She has to hop on our “corporate jet”  to raise some money because Big Guy’s optics require him to stay here in Washington and sound tough.

So, following a big announcement tomorrow “regarding access to healthy, affordable food” Lady M’s going to be busy. She will be off to  Virginia, South Carolina and New Hampshire to wow the little peeps and flash those famous toned arms.

I can tell you though, she’s a little cheesed about her upcoming Thursday appearance on reality TV. She claims that nobody told her that the Extreme Makeover show she agreed to appear on was the Home Edition. She was looking forward to a wee bit of lipo for those pesky fat pads that keep creeping back no matter how healthy we eat,

nor how hard we work out.

Give me an “O” New Hampshire!

Don’t miss our swing-state tour, coming soon to a DNC bundling station near you.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal, and anonimalle on Godlike Productions, Thanks!

O-bla-bla-ma’s Weakly Address; Annotated

Wow! WTF (Winning The Future) is turning out to be a lot harder than we ever thought. So Big Guy’s not taking any chances: in one of the most transparent acts yet of this completely transparent presidency, the Wons went to church yesterday. And not just any church. St. John’s Episcopalian Church!

What more could the Republicans possibly want from this man?

Mommy and Me, cool, coifed and well turned out in shades of blue and mauve, although they did get their shoes mixed up.  (H/T SaraB)

Whew! This is turning out to be one long hot summer. Evidenced here, by the gravity of Big Guy’s last weekly radio address. It’s a long one, so listen up, dough boys:

 

Remarks of President Barack Obama
Weekly Address
The White House
July 16, 2011

Today, there’s a debate going on in Washington over the best way to get America’s fiscal house in order and get our economy on a stronger footing going forward.

More like one hand clapping than a debate, butt ok.

For a decade, America has been spending more money than we’ve taken in.  For several decades, our debt has been rising.

It’s Bush’s fault. 

And let’s be honest – neither party in this town is blameless. Both have talked this problem to death without doing enough about it.

Maybe we need a new audience

That’s what drives people nuts about Washington. (Among other things.)  Too often, it’s a place more concerned with playing politics and serving special interests than resolving real problems or focusing on what you’re facing in your own lives.

 

Jeff Immelt, Richard Trumka, Andy Stern, Jesse Jackson, Loyd Blankstein, Ken Chernault and Ken Lewis

No special interests here, just the usual ones:  labor unions, race mongers, corporate welfare recipients and Wall Street

 

They all work for the same guy though.

 

Dr. Evil

 

These fellow travelers do have a special signal: sort of like a secret handshake.

 

 

 

     

Come to think of it, Big Guy has a secret sign for the R-words too:

But right now, we have a responsibility – and an opportunity – to reduce our deficit as much as possible and solve this problem in a real and comprehensive way. 

(Courtesy of Sad Hill News)

Simply put, it will take a balanced approach, shared sacrifice, and a willingness to make unpopular choices on all our parts.

I know it’s not as popular as apple, butt I’ll take the chocolate cream

That means spending less on domestic programs.  It means spending less on defense programs.  It means reforming programs like Medicare to reduce costs and strengthen the program for future generations.

We rationed butter during WWII, why not rationed healthcare?

And it means taking on the tax code, and cutting out certain tax breaks and deductions for the wealthiest Americans.

Like Corporate Jets; they seem extravagant anyway

Now, some of these things don’t make folks in my party too happy. And I wouldn’t agree to some of these cuts if we were in a better fiscal situation, but we’re not.  That’s why I’m willing to compromise.  I’m willing to do what it takes to solve this problem, even if it’s not politically popular. 

“You’ve got me over a barrel. I’m willing to swap you my  old shoes for your new SUV. It’s in the ditch any way.”  (H/T Woz, where ever you are)

I expect leaders in Congress to show that same willingness to compromise. The truth is, you can’t solve our deficit without cutting spending.

“You” can’t? What about “our” shared sacrifice, Tonto?

But you also can’t solve it without asking the wealthiest Americans to pay their fair share – or without taking on loopholes that give special interests and big corporations tax breaks that middle-class Americans don’t get.

This is where it gets a little tricky, tip toeing around our special interests usual suspects’ interests. Thankfully, dirty oil companies aren’t in that group.

It’s pretty simple.  I don’t think oil companies should keep getting special tax breaks when they’re making tens of billions in profits.

Which they won’t be doing for long if they can’t drill anywhere in America any more. I wonder if Brazil gives tax breaks to oil companies?

I don’t think hedge fund managers should pay taxes at a lower rate than their secretaries.

Well they don’t, so we can check that one off our list.

I don’t think it’s fair to ask nothing of someone like me when the average family has seen their income decline We have to ask everyone to play their part. over the past decade – and when many of you are just trying to stretch every dollar as far it it’ll go.

Ok then, let me ask you this: how about you get rid of Obamacare? People hate it, it eliminates choice, will put insurance companies out of business (eliminating thousands of jobs) and it’s unconstitutional. If that still doesn’t feel good enough, you can mail a check for all of that extra money that you don’t need to the U.S. Treasury.

We shouldn’t put the burden of deficit reduction on the backs of folks who’ve already borne the brunt of the recession. 

That would be the 53% of Americans who do pay income taxes.

It’s not reasonable and it’s not right.  If we’re going to ask seniors, or students, or middle-class Americans to sacrifice, then we have to ask corporations and the wealthiest Americans to share in that sacrifice.  We have to ask everyone to play their part.

Does that include Mr.Jeffrey Immelt? And Mr. Immelt’s corporation? Maybe GE could chip in a little something towards our deficit. Because last year they didn’t contribute anything at all, which seems odd since they made $5.1 billion just in the U. S.. You probably know that GE’s corporate slogan is “imagination at work,” butt what you probably don’t know is that it was their tax department that came up with it. And they’ve been using it ever since, apparently to good effect.

Because we are all part of the same country.

Really? Can you prove it? May I see your papers?

We are all in this together.

If by “all” you mean “you.”

So I’ve put things on the table that are important to me and to Democrats,

and I expect Republican leaders to do the same. 

Actually, I believe they have:

After all, we’ve worked together like that before.  Ronald Reagan worked with Tip O’Neill and Democrats to cut spending, raise revenues, and reform Social Security.  Bill Clinton worked with Newt Gingrich and Republicans to balance the budget and create surpluses.  Nobody ever got everything they wanted.  But they worked together.  And they moved this country forward.

Yes, butt Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton learned how to play with others in kindergarten.

That kind of cooperation should be the least you expect from us – not the most you expect from us.  You work hard, you do what’s right, and you expect leaders who do the same.

No, not really. Not any more.

You sent us to Washington to do the tough things.

 

And they’re all tough

The right things.  Not just for some of us, but for all of us.  Not just what’s enough to get through the next election – but what’s right for the next generation.

You expect us to get this right.  To put America back on firm economic ground.  To forge a healthy, growing economy.  To create new jobs and rebuild the lives of the middle class.  And that’s what I’m committed to doing.

Thank you.

You’re welcome.

Stay tuned for future WTF messaging from your President.

(H/T SandraC)

Linked By: and DeniceVB on The Crawdad Hole, and, anonimalle on Godlike Productions, and sowsear1 on No Quarter, Thanks!

Celebutards from 50 of Our 57 States: Part 1

So I don’t know about you, butt I need a weekend break from hope and change and CalConservGirl gave me an idea yesterday. I haven’t done a celebutard review in many moons (no Lady M keister pun intended). As luck would have it, UPI, which I think stands for United Panderers International, put together a slide show tour of Celebrities representing 50 of our 57 states. I won’t take them to task for the racist elimination of 7 whole states, butt I do have issues with some of the Celebutards they picked.

I’m going to have to break this into multiple installments though because even 50 states is too much for one post. Butt it will be worth waiting for, I promise (unless you’re from one of the 7 states UPI missed). So let’s begin with our first installment. I’m doing it alphabetically in order to appear to be fair and balanced, and in order to avoid showing favoritism to any of our union brothers “favored nation” status states.

Alabama:

Evander Holyfield: Five time Heavy Weight Champion of the World, with the added distinction of defeating Mike Tyson in an 11th round TKO! My kind of guy! Narrowly edged out the second place Alabama celebrity duo of Goober & Gomer Pyle.

Alaska

Valerie Plame: I know who you were expecting, butt Sean Penn didn’t star in her movie.

Arizona

Emma Stone was their choice, butt a good argument can be made for the meteorically rising star of celebrity boob, Mehgan McCain,

butt the election is over and Obama won.

Arkansas

Mike Huckabee: This is bound to be a controversial pick. To get to the Huckster, UPI had to pass over none other than the Big Dawg himself, Bill Clinton! Not to mention Billy Bob Thornton and Johnny Cash! I’m glad I don’t have to answer their customer service lines. “I fell in to a burning ring of fire…I went down, down and the flames grew higher. And it burns, burns, the ring of fire, the ring of fire.”

California

Jessica Alba: This was a no win situation. California is, as CalConservgal knows, the epicenter of celebutardism. It’s like being in a great restaurant where the menu has a gazillion pages and everything is to die for! I usually just order a burger with American cheese, fries and a vanilla shake. I think that’s what UPI did too.

Colorado

Amy Adams: Let’s note from the start that Colorado is a swing state that can help us WTF. So you’re not going to bait me into any gratuitous criticism. At least not until after the 2012 election returns are in. Amy is sweet, pretty and Drop Dead Gorgeous. There were other Coloradoans that could have been chosen. Tops among them Alferd G. “Alfie” Packer. I’m sure most of you know Alfie’s story, butt in case you don’t. Alfie was a miner who, in February of 1874, headed up into the Rocky Mountains above Montrose (the city, not the band) with 5 other miners bound for Gunnison. They became HOPElessly lost and snowbound. In April, Alfie arrived at a saloon near Gunnison, alone and actually having gained weight after his winter of desolation. An investigation followed, and the bones, licked clean, of Alfie’s 5 fellow travelers were discovered.

Alfie was convicted of cannibalism and legend has it that at his sentencing, before sending him to the hoosegow for 40 years, the judge reportedly said “Alfie, in January there was seven good Democrats in Hinsdale County and you et five of ‘em.” Alfie was pardoned in 1901 and lived out his days on a ranch in Deer Creek, CO where, he reportedly, became a vegetarian.

Later, in the 1990s, an enterprising entrepreneur, opened a short lived bar and grill in Dillon, Co, not far from Breckenridge, named “Alfie Packer’s.” The specialty of the house was “Miner’s Stew.”

Connecticut

Chole Sevigny: I don’t need to tell you why Chloe got the CT pick do I? I do? Hmmmm? You have seen the Brown Bunny (absolutely no relation to any of our Bunnies), haven’t you? No? Me neither. I understand she took the Brown Bunny role after being passed over for a spot on the Big White intern roster.

Delaware

David Plouffe: Seriously? Plouff-Daddy must have a much better agent than Joey B. Still, I expect repercussions.

Florida

Mickey Rourke: I actually approve of this pick, although I don’t understand why Florida gets him, because he was born in Schenectady, NY. Butt I guess they had somebody else in mind for NY. Guess who! Wait for it: it’s coming up.

Say what you will about Mickey, butt he was undefeated as a light heavyweight with a record of 6 wins (KO 4) + 0 losses + 2 drawns, boxing 24 rounds with a 50% knock out rate.

Name: Mickey Rourke
Alias: El Marielito
Birth Name: Philip Andre Rourke, Jr.
Born: 1952-09-16
Nationality: US American
Hometown: Schenectady, New York
Boxing Record: click
Stance: Orthodox  [ed. I didn’t even know he was Jewish!]
Height: 5′ 11″   /   180cm

I think he could have given Alabama’s Evander Holyfield a run for his money, butt his face tells you who would have won…I’m talking about the face after the botched cosmetic surgery. When will they ever learn?

Georgia

Jeff Foxworthy: No complaints here, butt I’m not from Georgia. Are any of you? Not sure? Well then, you might be from Georgia if...

Hawaii

Barry Soetoro: No surprises here except he was picked twice, once by Hawaii and once by one of our 7 international states, Kenya.

Idaho

Christina Hendricks: Born in Twin Falls Idaho...Twin Falls... Bwaahahahahahahahahah!

Maybe someday, butt not yet. As they say, you can’t make this stuff up.

Illinois

Cindy Crawford: I’m sorry; who????

“Born in DeKalb, Illinois, Cindy Crawford began her journey from obscurity to ubiquity after a reporter snapped a picture of her working at a summer job when she was 16. She graduated from high school as valedictorian, but dropped out of Northwestern University to pursue modeling.”

Little Ms. Mensa  “U” drop-out  doesn’t even have a BA!? Nor a law degree from a prestigious ivy league university, let alone a law license that she could “voluntarily” surrender to the court to avoid prosecution! What a blatantly racist pick! Ok, picking Orca would have been even more racist (see Mississippi).

Indiana

Tony Stewart: Ok, what did you expect; it’s Hoosier-ville! WTF is a hoosier anyway? Butt, shhhh: don’t tell anybody. I  love NASCAR! Several of my cousins are Donnelly mirrors and reflect on the big races.

Iowa

Elijah Wood: This one caught me by surprise. I thought we’d heard the last of him after Nike dropped his endorsement deal and he couldn’t even make the cut in several minor tournaments.

What? Oh... Never mind. Elijah – great actor!  Or penguin. I’m really not sure.

Kansas

Kirstie Alley: I love Kirstie, butt this was a blatant gift to make up for her second place finish on Dancing With the Stars. When you think about it, why not one of the more deserving Kansarians like Harry Truman, Walt Disney, Amelia Earhart, Jesse James, Satchel Paige, or Dorothy Gale! Ok, not Dorothy, because she knows who the guy behind the curtain is, and that would not set well with Big Guy…or the guy behind the curtain.

And now that she’s no longer “Kirstie Alley fat” she qualifies because she no longer takes the place of two contestants.

Kentucky

George Clooney: Did any body else know that Sir Hunkasaurus was from flyover country, or am I the only one who’s been holed up in a bunker since 1-20-2009? Ok, I live a somewhat sheltered life, butt I would have bet the farm (proof positive) that George was raised in one of our sophisticated megalopolises, like NYC or LA. I guess that explains “Brother, Where Art Thou?”. Other than that, nothing about Kentucky breeding explains his politics.  Unless he was bred purely for looks.

Louisiana

Harry Connick Jr: No better pick for the Big Easy than Harry. I love the Neville brothers and I’ve still got half of a jar of Marie Laveau’s goofer dust, butt Harry was the right pick here. Anybody disagree? Remember, I’ve still got half ‘a jar of goofer dust. And I’m not afraid to use it on James Carville.

Maine

John O'Hurley: Ok, I admit, I was never a fan of Seinfeld. I know I’m in the minority, butt being a minority is really advantageous these days, I should probably  try to milk my minority status while it’s still fashionable. And, I just couldn’t bring myself to watch the Family Feud after they dumped that cute-as-a-button Corporal Peter Newkirk.

Butt I guess O’Hurley was judged to be more deserving than some of Maine’s other celebrities, like Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Bush 41, John Travolta or “expert at everything about living” and convicted felon, Martha Stewart. Although technically she has a home in Maine, Martha-matching-sweater-set-and-tea-cozy is from Nutely, New Jersey, which just seems right somehow.

Maryland

Sisqo: Full disclosure: I’m a big user of his network appliances,  catalyst switches and routers. Wait a minute, Raj is trying to tell me something. Yeah, Yeah.  Uh-huh. Oh!  “Cisco.” OK. Never mind.

Lady M has his “Thong Song” on her iPod, butt I am sooo not down with that.

Massachusetts

Geena Davis: Virginia Elizabeth “Geena” Davis didn’t win this role because she is an accomplished, award winning actress, former model or Olympic archery finalist.

She didn’t win because, at the age of 46, she wisely, and strategically, married a plastic surgeon. No, she won the spot for nailing her roll as a historic Commander in Chief. Something her real-life historic successor is still struggling with.

Michigan

Michael Moore: Michigan is the ancestral home and alleged birth state of my BBB, Dewey from Detroit. So, forgive me if I spend a wee bit more time than usual reviewing the Michigan celebrities UPI passed over in choosing this moronic tub of jelly donut blubber. This is the most embarrassing slap in the Michigander face since, well I don’t think there has ever been anything in this league before. The contenders Michael Moore-donuts beat out include, in alphabetical order:

Tim “The Tool Man” Allen, Gillian Anderson, Bob Bell: What, you’ve never heard of Bob Bell? He was the first and only original:

Bozo the Clown!

Ok, picking Bobby might have taken a bit of the “historic” sheen away from our current clown holding the title, so let’s move on.

Elizabeth Berkley, Sandra Bernhardt, Salvatore Phillip “Sonny” Bono, Tom “The Hunkiest, Hottest & Greatest Football Player Of All Time...All Time” Brady, Christie Brinkley, Vincent Damon Furnier (aka Alice Cooper), Francis Ford Coppola  (Why, UPI, do you disrespect me in this way?), Jeff Daniels, Pam “Mindy” Dawber, Dick "Oh, my!" Enberg, Eminem, Bob Eubanks, President Gerald R. Ford, Henry Ford, “The Queen of Soul” Aretha Franklin, Glen Frey, Max “Wojo” Gail, Kirk “Gibby” Gibson, Barry “Motown” Gordy Jr., Charlton Heston, Jimmy “Sleeps Wid Da Fishes” Hoffa, Ervin “Magic” Johnson, James Earl “Come Over To The Dark Side” Jones, Casey Kasem, Kid Rock, Charles A. Lindbergh, Malcolm “Big Guy’s Bio-dad” X, Jamie “Mythbuster” Hyneman, Madonna, Lee Majors, Dick Martin, Judge Greg Mathis, Ed McMahon, Tim “The Ladies Man” Meadows, Harry “Detective Bill Gannon” Morgan, ALL THE MOTOWN STARS, Ted “The Motor City Mad Man” Nugent, Rosa Parks, George Peppard Jr., Iggy Pop, Gilda Radner, Sugar Ray Robinson, Della Reese, William “Smokey” Robinson, Diana Ross, Steven Seagal, Bob Seger, Tom Selleck, Del Shannon, Sinbad, Tom  Sizemore, Tom Skerritt, David “Buh-Bye Now” Spade, Danny Thomas, Lily Tomlin, Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer, Uncle Kracker, James “Ginger Ale” Vernor, Robert Wagner, Robin Williams, Serena Williams (more on Serena coming soon!), Stevie Wonder, Dick “The Only Real Darrin “Dagwood” Stephens” York and many, many more!

So, I guess UPI had no real choice. Butt what does the fat-ball think of his selection?

Well put big, big guy

Minnesota

Rachael Leigh Cook: Give me a minute. I’m still steaming over that last pick.

Ok, Rachael Leigh Cook: She’s pretty, although she’s not Swedish, Norwegian or German. I guess this was a way to tactfully avoid having to give an attractive Gopher State candidate for higher office - if you know who I mean - any more free publicity.

Butt RLC is pretty too and her picture has graced many products, including  the cover of the Milk-Bone Dog Biscuit box!

No, not this picture. This picture was in...oh, never mind. She won, and she’s way prettier than Garrison Keillor.

 Mississippi

Oprah Winfrey: Ouch! This one’s going to leave a mark! Not on me, butt on the racists at UPI. Why would they stir the pot of hatred by picking this woman, at this time without picking Lady M for Illinois? I’ll tell you…it’s because they are racists! And they haven’t heard the last of this!

I know this is a digression, butt I couldn’t help butt notice the article: “Dr. Oz’s 5-step plan for a perfect checkup.” So is that the objective? Just passing the tests? Maybe the Atlanta school board should hire Dr. Oz.

Missouri

Ginger Rogers: What a sweetie! I love this pick, although I’m not in love with the picture they chose. Why pick one with that self-hatin’ perv, Woody Allen? Weiner-gate has blown over. Sorry, I promise, read my lips, no more Weiner jokes.

I would have used a picture like this:

or this:

Maybe they thought Woody made Ginger seem more relevant, seeing as how she was just a dancer. And Woody is a big Hollywood producer who married his own daughter. I still don’t get it.

Montana

Michelle Williams: I have to admit, I had to do a hard drive search on this little number because I never watched Dawson’s Creek or Brokeback Mountain. Anyhoo, the real surprise here is that they picked a girl who ran for the US Senate as an R-word. Twice! I guess they waived that disqualifier because she lost both times and they want to be fair and balanced.

Michelle did win this title, beating some serious contenders including: Gary Cooper, Myrna Loy, Martha Raye, George Montgomery, Peter Fonda, Dana Carvey, Chet “Good Night David” Huntley, Brent Musburger, George Winston, Evel Knievel and Theodore “Unabomber” Kacynski. Ted was disqualified on the basis of his ideological kinship to Obama-buddy and ghostwriter of Big Guy’s best selling book, Bill “Boom-Boom” Ayers.

Nebraska

Gabrielle Union: Gabby’s contributions to reduce the cost and improve the quality and availability of medical care in America swept her into this title without breaking a sweat. No, she’s not a doctor, butt she played one on the TeeVee. Don’t take this the wrong way: I love Gabby, butt I’m a little bummed out that they didn’t pair up Cornhusker Fred Astaire with Ginger for this dance. Butt I guess it was time for another minority selection.

Nevada

Andre Agassi: Frankly, I didn’t think anyone was actually born in Vegas, baby, butt Lady Luck certainly shined down on ol’ Andre. I think he’s looking more and more like Dr. Evil every day, don’t you?

New Hampshire

Adam Sandler: Now he’s funny, I don’t care who you are! Great pick for the Granite State, Adam managed to overcome his baggage to carry the ball across the finish line. Oh, I mean, the goal line. What baggage you ask? Well let’s start with he’s Jewish, butt not self-hating. How do I know? He’s  a registered R-word. Registered R-word! In his line of work! Live Free or Die, baby!

New Jersey

Michael Douglas: Dis one’s gonna’ trow all youse youses inta a tizzy! My-kal-frikkin-dug-luss? Git da “F” otta here!

Wud abot Mike Da Sit-u-a-shun? Or cud-dul  lu-hee, Snooki?

UPI? Wat iz dat any way? U-nited  Pekker Im-bah-suls?

Watt you lookin’ at?

I guess Martha Stewart is off the table. Wut?

New Mexico

Neil Patrick Harris: Doogie Howser, MD was a cinch to score the Land of Enchantment title. not only for his TeeVee contributions to ramming Obamacare up your passing Obamacare, butt for inventing lady M’s favorite dance. The only negative here is he’s not really Mexican, new or old.

New York

Ok, you’ve been very patient, so here it is:

Lady Gaga: This was in the stars! Lady Gaga blew both Weiners, Big & Little Tony, out of the competition ( I know I promised, butt I’m a politician!) and sent Client # 9 to the cold showers. Anybody who, in just one season, arrives in an egg and performs in a wheelchair prop is all Big Apple! Without even checking her DNA, I would not hesitate to confirm that she was born this way.

I can’t decide between the egg and the lobster.

And I believe on that note, we will have “a pause in the action” (a phrase coined by deceased Red Wing Player and play-by-play announcer, Sid Able, more years ago than you want to count. He’s not on the Michigan list of overlooked candidates because he was actually from Timmons, Ontario – north of the bear line.)

We’ll pick up with North Carolina next Sunday, unless there’s a really slow news day in between now and then.  Have a nice Sunday everyone, and try not to worry too much about the debt ceiling. The Bernanke has already signaled that his printing presses have been tuned up and we ordered several palettes of India ink. So we’re ready to roll in case the R-words actually have a spine and stand their ground.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal, and Death By 1000 Papercuts, and  MichelleIndependent on Newsbird, Thanks!