Teach Your Children Well

Along with all the other responsibilities that fall to the POTUS, FLOTUS, VPOTUS and SLOTUS, add educating the children of America.

Here are just a few of this week’s examples of our leaders teaching the children a code they can live by:

First, Lady M lucidly explains what you can teach the children by letting them watch trash TeeVee shows like The Kardashians on school nights:

“I sort of feel like if we’re talking about it, and I’m more concerned with how they take it in –What did you learn when you watched that?” Mrs. Obama asked rhetorically. “And if they’re learning the right lessons, like ‘that was crazy,’ then I’m, like, OK,” she added.

Because making sex tapes and releasing them to the public to launch a reality show to further exploit your trashy lives is, like, “crazy.” So the show is, like,  practically a public service.

Big Guy isn’t down with the PSA message as much, however:

"Barack really thinks some of the Kardashians -- when they watch that stuff -- he doesn't like that as much."

That’s because, as he’s explained before,  doesn’t want the girls “punished with a baby.”  Although not wanting the girls to watch the KKK girls show is a bit of a dis since Kim K has gone on record saying that Big Guy was the first presidential candidate to get her "motivated enough to vote." After that put down though, she might just find herself too busy practicing her considerable marketing skills on Twitter to vote for him next time around.

Butt maybe Khloe will

Lady M has actually learned a lot from the KKK squad, who  - if not great role models – are still very fashion savvy:

Kim also said she often uses body shapers, masking tape, and other under-clothing body smoothers to boost her confidence -- its like, 'Fake it until you make it' is what we always say."

Good fashion advice for everyone!

                  

Can you tell which of these booties is fake?

Butt seriously, who can blame Big Guy for not wanting the girls exposed to another family of crass, class-less, self-absorbed, over-rated narcissistic nit-wits?

Any-hoo: Big Guy himself was busy this week educating kids in Virginia and North Carolina. He taught them how mean-spirited and stupid Republicans who won’t pass his JOBS, JOBS, JOBS bill are:

“Maybe they just couldn’t understand the whole thing all at once. So we’re going to break it up into bite-size pieces so they can take a thoughtful approach to this legislation,”

And then later he went to teach a science class how to use robots to do the jobs Americans are no longer willing to do: getting out the vote.

Great! Is this robot registered to vote yet?

And Joey B was doing his part to spread the word to the youth of America this week as well:

“That’s right boys and girls, if you don’t tell Mommy and Daddy to get their Congressmen and women to pass the JOBS bill right now, wild animals will roam the streets killing, raping and eating you! And they’re all Republicans.”

And last night Lady M and Dr. Jill took to the mound at the first game of the World Series to teach the children of America about the greatness of another All-American tradition that she learned on the KKK reality show: how to make you husband jealous.

Lady M and Dr. Jill show little Hannah how to dress for the World Series opener and walk to the mound in tight jeans and either sneakers or high-heeled sneakers

"Jill and I are very happy to be making our husbands jealous, too -- because what are we doing? We're at the World Series! And where are they? We don't really know. But they're not very happy."

I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

Grab a 12 pack Reg, and let’s go watch the game in my private den

Meanwhile, the POWS are still milling around, eating, chanting and airing their grievances (which are definitely beginning to need a little “airing” if you catch my drift). Yesterday they were joined by Alec Baldwin who proved that it was possible for a rich man to drag his camel through the eye of a needle after all. Not that I’m saying Zoo-cotti park is the “kingdom of God” by any stretch – more like Animal Kingdom, butt Alec is certainly a rich man and he sure did thread the needle:

"The banks are going to do what the banks do. And you want the banks to do what banks do. But when the banks [act] like they are a hockey player that starts throwing their elbow in your eye socket, you want the SEC to throw the flag. The SEC never throws the flag."

The nuance of his position was lost on critics, who called him a hypocrite on Twitter because he shills for Capital One, the nation's eighth-largest bank.

Capital One. What’s in your wallet?

I think he got his message out though. As POWS Jason, a 22 year old unemployed, Feminist Lit grad who is in Zoo-cotti Park seeking economic justice and looking to score, put it: “I was leery of Baldwin at first, butt he really made a lot of sense. After all you do get double miles, and there are no black out dates.”

Capitalism. So easy even a caveman like Alec gets it.

 

You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.

Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by

CSNY

Linked By: BigFurHat @ iOwnTheWorld, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Ann Barnhardt, Thanks!

I’ll take “How Wall Street Screws Everybody” for $500, Alex

Hmm. Wouldn’t you think that a group of people protesting (ostensibly) “Wall Street excesses” would at least have heard of the largest financial reform legislation passed since 1933?

Link to article

And since Dodd Frank didn’t separate commercial and investment banks (which would constitute “re-enacting the Glass-Steagal Act” that  the OWS crowd is (ostensibly) “demanding” – it looks to me like less than 16% of the 99% got this question right. It looks like closer to 10% got the Dodd-Frank question correct. In fact, out of the 9 questions, the vast majority only got two questions into the smiley face gold star zone. Even marking on a curve, that’s not going to warrant a passing grade.

Here are the results:

1. 90% incorrect or don't know 
2. 74% correct 
3. 62% incorrect or don't know 
4. 76% correct  
5. 100% incorrect or don't know 
6. 72% incorrect or don't know 
7. 90% incorrect or don't know 
8. N/A - Debatable 
9. 96% incorrect

Maybe these “kids” just need to eat a little better – to give their brain a bit more energy to work with. Fortunately, unemployed chefs and organic farmers and producers have stepped in just in time to prevent a more serious brain drain:

Maybe they need a little sleep too

Most of the produce, grass-fed meat and organic chicken is donated from small organic farms upstate, including Northland Sheep Dairy, West Haven Farm and Wide Awake Bakery in Ithaca, and several farms in Connecticut and Vermont.

When food is ready for the protesters, a driver collects crates from each of the cooperative farms and drives to New York City with a truckload of goodies.

Chef Eric holds a round of organic sheep cheese donated to feed the pillaging hoards, with these words of encouragement: “Fight the Greed!”

And then, unemployed chefs step up to the plate (a little culinary humor) to cook the chow in a soup kitchen in Brooklyn in order to have dinner ready to serve to the hungry hoard of occupiers promptly at 7:00 pm.

“We’re running a five-star restaurant down there,’’ crowed Eric Smith, 38, the ex-le Chef de Tournant at the Sheraton in Midtown, who works out of a soup kitchen in East New York, Brooklyn, churning out the meals for more than 1,000 protesters every day.

“The other day, we made some wonderful salmon cakes with dill sauce and some quinoa salad and a wonderful tomato salad with fennel and red onion,’’ he said.

“We use organic, grass-fed meats, and the other day, we made a wonderful fried rice and root vegetables and all kinds of soup.”

Wow! No wonder they won’t go home.

So last night, for example, while your family of four may have been forced to resort to Hamburger Helper, thanks to Smith's culinary magic, hordes of Occupy Wall Street protesters instead feasted on organic chicken, spaghetti Bolognese, roasted beet and sheep’s milk-cheese salad and wild heirloom potatoes.

Don’t you just love it when a plan comes together?

Here try it, it’s good. I don’t know what it is, butt trust me, I know what I’m talking about.

Meanwhile, Big Guy continued his Wheels of Plunder tour through North Carolina. He doesn’t look a whole lot happier about being there than Lady M did at the MLK dedication on Sunday:

          

Maybe they just need to eat a little better too. I heard Chef Eric is available.

Thank goodness, here we are, putting on our happy faces today for our joint appearance at Joint Base Langley-Eustis. We’re not campaigning though.

They were just clearing up “misunderstandings” about Big Guy’s JOBS, JOBS, JOBS bill. Like it’s really a SPEND, SPEND, SPEND bill.

 

TODAY’S sad sack OWS 99%er:

Here’s a little tip that will prove helpful, should you ever get a job that you think is worthy of you: “When you’re in a hole, stop digging.”

Linked By: Fausta on The Coalition Of The Swilling, and no-nonsense-nancy on drkatesview, Thanks!

Occupy the White House 2012: We’re Not Leaving

I suppose Politico thinks this is news? “Michelle Obama Shifts into 2012 Campaign Mode” Duh! We’ve only been dieting and purging for two months! How much more obvious could it be that we’ve been in training for the campaign? There is nothing else that could get Lady M out of the Cheetos chest for such an extended period of time. Because after all: winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.

But for all the refinement Michelle Obama can bring to the campaign, politics remains a dirty business. Part of the challenge for Team Obama in 2012 is how best to deploy her as a political asset without tarnishing her popularity.

For starters, we’re dressing her up like Dr. Jill, in classic oxford shirts because how could you tarnish anything in a nice oxford shirt?

And the last time they dressed like twin sisters of a different mother, things were going along just swell:

2009: All aboard for our inaugural train tour

Since her debut in national politics, Obama has broadened her appeal, softening once-sharp edges and advocating for military families and against childhood obesity.

Looks like Lady M isn’t the only one who “broadened” her “appeal”

Here we are on the trail yesterday, softening our sharp edges with a nice pastel peach effect as we put the finishing touches on a house for Johnny Agbi, a disabled vet. Nice color coordination!

Nice prep work! Courtesy of our little people.

In case you’re wondering, that’s our new fashion forward belt-on-the-inside look.

Jeans, oxford, tennies, check. Just like the real housewives of Washington. Not wanting to step on Lady M’s new suburban mom image, Dr. Jill dressed down and wore an old Army tee in honor of the Joining Forces initiative for military veterans that she and Lady M were there to promote:

For the campaign, the first lady is blending a policy message — most recently on jobs and women’s issues — with rare and tantalizing glimpses of private life in the White House.

Lady M explains Big Guy’s work ethic: “This man doesn’t take a day off.” And he won’t. Until everyone in this country who wants a job, has a job.

Off to work on JOBS, JOBS, JOBS

In a message aimed at women — a powerful and once-enthusiastic voting bloc for the president with which he is losing ground — the first lady touts the president’s appointment of two women to the U.S. Supreme Court and passage, at his urging, of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009.

Elena, Sonia and signing the Lilly Ledbetter bill (Lilly’s behind him): maybe the equivalent of one and half women, all together.

In more personal reflections, Obama recalled at an event last month in Rhode Island that the president was raised “by a single mother who struggled to put herself through school and pay the bills.”

Stanley Ann Dunham, workin’ hard for the money

Butt since she didn’t really win that struggle, Grandma and Grandpa raised him.

When things got too tough, the president’s grandmother stepped in, “waking up every morning before dawn to take the bus to her job at the bank,” the first lady said. At that job, the president’s grandmother watched men she had trained pass her by with promotions.

You remember Grandma – she ended up under the bus, just before she died.

“I am not going to kid you, this journey is going to be long. It is going to be hard. And there will be plenty of twists and turns along the way,” the first lady told supporters in Rhode Island. “The reality is that change is slow … It never happens all at once.”

 

Butt we’re still workin’ on it!

In other breaking news: I know you’ve all been concerned about the kidnapping of TOTUS from the Marriot hotel parking lot. I’m happy to report he’s been recovered, none the worse for the wear, in the parking lot of a nearby Holiday Inn Express.  In fact, TOTUS reports that the breakfasts at Holiday Inn Express are much better, and he really enjoyed the hot cinnamon rolls. He said the perpetrators intended to take the whole busload of equipment to Occupy Wall Street because the crowd was growing tired of the “twinkle hands” and human microphones. However, they didn’t seem to appreciate TOTUS’ rogue comments and took the whole busload  of them back and dumped them off.

H/T Fausta

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Blonde on NewsBusters, and Conservative Blogs Central, centralcal on JustOneMinute, Thanks!

I’m Keeping My Eye on You, Brother

“I’m keeping my eye on you, Barack”

The Martin Luther King memorial (made in China) was officially dedicated yesterday. For the occasion Lady M wore her stunning Alaia red low-rider lamp shade frock and Big Guy donned his best ‘down with my peeps’ Black preacher cadence. Or as Harry Reid might put it, his “Negro dialect” that he doesn’t use “unless he want(s) to”

And if you don’t want to “have a Negro dialect”  at the dedication of Martin Luther King’s memorial, when would you, I ax? So there was Big Guy, playing to “his” peeps, just like he use to back in his community organizing days. Although you could arguably say we’re back in the community organizing business - big time - Big Guy is letting Van Jones and Sgt. Debbie Wasserman Schultz take the lead on this one. Butt he just couldn’t help himself from giving a little shout out to the 99%, just to show his solidarity with the teeming masses.

Big Guy thinks that Dr. Martin Luther King would be down with the 99% too, saying that the POWS’ campaign is just like the Civil Rights Movement. I’m not so sure: I’m just not feeling the moral equivalency between people who wanted to stop lynchings and allow Blacks to sit in the front of the bus with those who want their student loans forgiven.  Butt I suppose Big Guy would know better than me. He’s Black, you know.

For her part, Lady M showed solidarity with the peeps by her sartorial choice of a “low-rider” skirt:

Butt notice how our containment systems prevented the dreaded low-rider“pucker”

So, anyway: can you believe it? Big Guy and Lady M have been here – in the Big White - for 1000 days already!

It only seems like 999 days, butt I had that one day that Blogger was down

Where does the time go? It seems like only yesterday that we wore the white, full length version of yesterday’s red dress in Oslo.

Remember when Big Guy accepted his Nobel Peace Prize? Perhaps it’s bad manners to mention that in light of the fact that we’re still holding prisoners “illegally” in Guantanamo, still fighting Bush’s “illegal” wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and one that Big Guy started himself in Libya (although that one was guaranteed to be “weeks not months” when Big Guy announced it last – wow! MARCH! – where does the time go?) Now I hear that he sent troops to Uganda to fight Christians – no wait, that can’t be right, can it?  And I guess some people are still upset that BO has been issuing assassination orders left and right for moose-lims around the world, especially since some of them are American citizens. No wonder the Nobel Committee members had “previous engagements” when we invited them to lunch last week.

Butt back to the red frock, it may look familiar because it’s recycled. Remember: we are in a double dip recession and like everyone else, we’re tightening our belts. Besides, after our election cycle starvation diet we could slip into it again. We did get a new matching cardi and sparkly pin to go with. It really was too cool to wear it in it’s original sleeveless version yesterday anyway. You can tell because Aretha wore her leopard coat:

The only woman in America who refers to Lady M as “that skinny bitch” 

…and she thinks MO’s a copycat

Here’s Lady M’s dress, seen last year without the cardi, butt with the Wonderbra and “cleavage.” You can see why this wouldn’t have been appropriate at the MLK dedication ceremony:

Like I said, it was really too chilly for sleeveless. So this is much better.

Watch it Buh-rock. I’m keeping my eye on you too.

TODAY’S POWS UPDATE:

This one doesn’t even require critical thinking. Homer Simpson could solve this dilemma. Things WILL change, darlin’, butt I don’t expect you’ll be at the head of the charge.

ED. NOTE FOR NEWCOMERS TO THE SITE: “butts” are but a conceit around here. You’ve been warned.