Bali Bye!

Bali Ha’i called, butt got the numbers wrong.

Unfortunately we were unable to work out the budgetary details on the Australia- Bali- Indonesia leg of our historic First American Pacific Presidency trip. Despite having reached agreement with the Big White Budget Czar on the cost of accommodations and clothing allowance,  discussions broke down over the per diem placed on the table for Lady M’s “personal” expenses: it wasn’t even adequate to cover the cost of her make-up artist, let alone leave anything for trinkets and souvenirs. So we’re heading home to do our sacrificin’ there for awhile.

Yesterday we sacrificed at a Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! fair sponsored by the US Chamber of Commerce (along with Lady M and Dr. Jill) to help our veterans and their spouses find employment in this #&*#! economy that Bush stuck us with.

She also announced the disappointing news that she wasn’t going on the rest of the South Pacific tour:

Mrs. Obama told them that although her husband would go on from Hawaii to Australia and Indonesia for more diplomacy, she was “leaving to go back home to Malia and Sasha.”

“You know how it is, mothers — Dad can be gone for I don’t know how long, but short time for Mom,” she said, to chuckles.

Yes, six days seems about right. Five, nowhere near enough, seven, too many; unless we’re on an official vacation instead of official business.

Here’s a little of what else she told the vets and their spouses:

“For a lot of folks, making the transition to civilian life is hard, especially in the midst of a tough economy,”

Yikes! She might discover just how true that is if Big Guy can’t get the R-words to fix this gawd-awful Bush economy pretty soon.

h/t clarice

In fact, if I didn’t know better, I’d almost think her Jobs Fair remarks were directed at Big Guy:

“You all have mastered state-of-the-art technologies,

 

run some of the world’s most complex operations:

           

“You’ve overseen hundreds of your colleagues,

and you’ve undertaken missions with no margin for error,

working in situations where the bottom line is literally a matter of life and death.”

H/T theblogprof; may he Rest in Peace

So I don’t think Big Guy better spend too much more time “away from home” either. There’s a lot of work that needs to be done between now and next November. Not only is our support around the world waning a bit,

Only in Iran are the women in favor of nuclear weapons: discuss

Butt support here at home is showing a little bit of softening too, leading Big Guy to explain to his benefactors last night:

"It's going to take a few more years to meet the challenges that have been a decade in the making," the president added. "And I think the American people understand that."

Yes, I think the American people do understand that:

And I think they’re ready to embrace that whole “change” thing again. In fact, I think they agree with Big Guy: “WE CAN’T WAIT!”

Big Guy. Labor Day. GM. UAW. Not Good. Need more cowbell.

Linked By: Mommy Life, Thanks!

Get off your lazy butt: our economic battery needs a jumpstart.

Big Guy has been a bit of a scold lately. You could almost say he’s been a bit dismissive, even derisive of America.

First he said we had gotten a little “soft” -

"I mean, there are a lot of things we can do," Obama said. "The way I think about it is, you know, this is a great, great country that had gotten a little soft and, you know, we didn't have that same competitive edge that we needed over the last couple of decades. We need to get back on track."

Alpha-dog Bo takes beta BO for a walk

Don’t get wet sugar! It melts you know.

Then he said that we’ve “lost our imagination and lost our ambition” (!?)

"We have lost our ambition, our imagination, and our willingness to do the things that built the Golden Gate Bridge,"

Are you kidding? GE and Big Guy practically invented imagination! Remember “millions of jobs created or saved”  “Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!?” – all invented here.

And now he said we’re lazy too! 

“We’ve been a little bit lazy over the last couple of decades.

                  

            

We’ve kind of taken for granted — ‘Well, people would want to come here’ and we aren’t out there hungry, selling America and trying to attract new businesses into America."

 

 

The first “Selling” America tour

Boy, I think Big Guy might want to pull back on that one a little, because he seems to be getting a lot of push back. In fact, there’s been a huge wave of innertubz feedback saying, more or less: “What do you mean we, Kemosabe?”

Wow! That brings back memories of those thrilling days of yesteryear, doesn’t it? Back when “First Nation” peoples were still called “Indians,” good guys wore white hats and bad guys always lost. And none of it carried any racial overtones or implications.

Now we have a black President, so the racial thing is cool, but apparently now we’re soft, lazy and lacking imagination. How did that happen?

You can exclude Lady M from all of those allegations however, as she demonstrated in Hawaii last weekend. Here she has imaginatively draped a Hawaiian table cloth into a lovely new frock for more photo ops in Big Guy’s alleged birth state.

And talk about someone who’s not lazy: Lady M. She’s been workin’ it since we got here. Take yesterday for example:

Blessing the spouses meal

Eating the Spouses meal

Entertaining the spouses with personal stories about herself:

“And our family has the privilege of coming here -- the burden of coming back here every year. (Laughter.) And that's really one of the reasons I married Barack. (Laughter.) When I realized that this is where we'd be spending the holidays, I said, "Yes -- I love you!" (Laughter.) So Barack and I, we have a tradition: Over the last 20, maybe -- more than 20 years, because we started coming back even before we were engaged; every year we come here for two weeks and spend time getting to know this wonderful island and spending time with our families.” (snip) And ever since I first met Barack, he’s always talked about how growing up here, in this place, has shaped his character and his perspective -- and it's true. He is a very calm, focused individual,

Calm, focused…butt not lazy!

Butt back to Lady M’s hard workin’ and sacrificin’ for the American people chores:

Posing in our special Hawaiian-themed table cloth dress

Placing herself in imminent danger by posing with tiny Koreans and giant sharks

Letting some Aussie dude nibble on her ear.

So enough talk about Americans being fat, lazy and unimaginative.  I’m surprised at Big Guy. Not only is he sartorially quite imaginative,

Imagine a dandier outfit than this: I can’t

…butt he also, almost single handedly, invented the very innovative Chevy Volt that not only runs on lithium ion batteries, butt apparently has powers of spontaneous combustion as well. Sure, there are still a few bugs to work out, butt heck, we’ll just throw another gazillion dollars at it and that should make it work. Just like solar.

And don’t worry if you already bought one of these innovative Government-mandated GM cars for $50k, (less your tax payer contribution of $7800) the government spokesmouth says they are perfectly safe: "The Volt is safe; it does not pose a risk beyond a normal vehicles," GM spokesman Greg Martin said.

And you can take that to the bank. Assuming the highly motivated OWIES who have a lot of innovative ideas for the country will let you through to make your deposit.

Hey! I’ve got an innovative idea! Why don’t we give the banks to the government, and then maybe they will spontaneously combust too. Oh, wait…we already did that, didn’t we?

Meanwhile, I see Big Guy has designated himself as “America’s first Pacific President.” And soon he’ll be off to visit the rest of his kingdom on this year’s “Blame America First” tour, which is sure to draw investment to our shores like flies to…uh, well, you know. And don’t worry, our Pacific President will be back in time to celebrate our traditional American Fall holiday commemorating how the white man oppressed the First Nations Peoples.

Regarding Lady M’s travel plans: up in the air. She’s still negotiating the terms of our accommodations and shopping budget. Some A-hole on Big Guy’s re-election campaign got the bright idea that we should cut back on our travel expenses as part of our new Executive Order “to root out waste and misspent tax dollars.”  We’ll be replacing that trouble maker with someone who’s more of a “Team Obama” player very soon.

Playing Black Jack: Black Hearts Rule and Ace is High

You’ll be relieved to know that the weather has been quite nice here in Honolulu.

Normally we wouldn’t have picked the hurricane season for Big Guy’s APEC conference, butt due to our new motto (“to root out waste and misspent tax dollars”), we had to come off-season in order to qualify for the reduced rates. Especially since the entire Department of Commerce apparently had to accompany us. Those numbers can add up quickly without a discount.

It’s been a very busy trip so far, with Lady M’s visit to the Mao organic farm. Oh. I guess that’s “MA’O” – which means something in the native Hawaiian language, butt I don’t seem to have a language module for that. Butt I do know it’s a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. So you know it means well.

Lady M and her posse at MA’O, flashing their gang signs

“The 24-acre farm raises some three dozen varieties, which it sells to local restaurants and grocery stores. It also employs at-risk area youth who work a three-year internship in exchange for tuition at a local community college.”

Here’s Lady M going all native at the organic farm with the at-risk kids:

Wow! Check out those organic turnips!

Then there was all the sacrificin’ at the official opening dinner. For the occasion Lady M selected a gray and white silk frock with a pink beauty contest sash completing the ensemble: 

Lady M with Canadian FL, Laureen Harper

The look’s not too bad straight on, butt, as usual, angles and rear views are a real strain – and I’m not just talking about on my refractive optic lenses:

Greeting our guests with gracious restraints

The strain is especially noticeable under harsh lighting where jutting “cheek bones” cast long shadows.

As you can see, the hostess made quite an impression on some of our more influential guests:

 

Butt in Dmitri’s defense, this is what he he saw from his vantage point:

A strong woman, considerably larger than him, making threatening gestures in his direction. And you know how chauvinist Russian men are.

Strike up the band: BO and Dmitri want to cut a rug

Getting back to an issue of considerably more weight: I’m afraid we may soon be hit with another conflict of interest scandal right here in the East Wing of the Big White. It’s all based on unproven allegations that Lady M was lobbied by certain candy companies. Remember, at this point it’s just an allegation. Butt the rumor has it that there may or may not be internal emails confirming that Lady M agreed to wear certain clothes promoting certain candy brands in exchange for an unlimited supply of said confections of her choice.

If that turns out to be the case, there will be hell to pay. Those liposuctions are not as easy and “painless” as you may have been led to believe.

Anyway, the scuttlebutt seems to be based on what critics consider damning “evidence” from our trip so far. First, there’s the allegation about the Black Heart promotion:

             

And now there seems to be some evidence of an affiliation with the makers of Black Jacks:

…and Allsorts.

           

A potential  future wardrobe color palate from our new “couture” confection closet:

We really don’t need this scandal. Of course, let me point out again that it’s simply speculation at this time. Butt even so, how is this going to look the next time we start yapping about promoting our “No Child’s Fat Behind” program?

The limits of lipo on bold display

Not good, I tell you, not good. Butt again, I emphasize, these are merely allegations. At this time.

Say, maybe Big Guy can get some endorsements too! What do you think by way of slogans?Black Jack: better than crack!  or Black Jack: Made in America since 2008; well, you can come up with your own. Please submit your favorites. Winning entry gets a free lunch with Big Guy and Joey B. Or in lieu of the lunch, you can get your own bag of Black Hearts and Black Jacks.

Linked By: Blonde on News Busters, Thanks!