On The Road That Leads To...WTF?

Yesterday was a slow news day in D. C. so I guess I didn’t miss anything. Everyone’s still hung over from all the OED (Obama Eats Dog) jokes at the big press party. And when they woke up in the morning and realized that Big Guy just officially sanctioned the meme for the 6 month run up to the  election  – well, let’s just say there was an equal amount of celebrating and head banging.

Wall. Head. Bang. Repeat.

Which reminds me, I’ll be back on the campaign “celebrating military families” trail with Lady M today: Colorado Springs, Albuquerque, Tucson. We’ve managed to squeeze a few fundraisers into an otherwise very busy schedule of thanking our military men and women for keeping the world free -

Thanks for your support…or service. Right?

and our campaign volunteers for helping, uh, keep Big Guy in charge of the free world. Whatever.

I’m still a little behind the 8-ball due to my road trip, butt I’ll do my best to catch up by tomorrow. I do know that Big Guy will be meeting with Premier Noda of Japan today; one of our few remaining allies without asterisks. Unclear what the purpose is, butt perhaps to add an asterisk? To paraphrase Jimmie from the other night: “Remember when the world rallied around you in hope for a better tomorrow? That was a good one.”

Hee hee. The whole world’s laughing.

And before I sign off, here’s today’s “aw shucks, we’re just raising money for our historic first black president’s historic, first reelection campaign one dollar at a time” moment:

“There’s been a tremendous reaction to that and we’re really grateful for it,” Axelrod, referring to a May 10 fundraiser that Clooney is hosting for Obama in Los Angeles. “I saw, the other day, that Crossroads, Karl Rove’s organization, got a $10 million anonymous donation so it takes 181,000 of our average donations to make up for that [total crock of shit — ed.], so George is pitching in here and lending his name to this event and himself to this event. It’s really helpful to us.” h/t Weasel Zippers, Politico and David “Axe-man” Axelrod

Butt hey, don’t worry David: it looks like we called in the big guns to help you out with all that tedious fund raising. In addition to George we bagged the REALLY Big Dawg: Bill Clinton. Together, BO and Bill they raised over $3 million just last night! We need to take this act on the road.

Now I’m not braggin’ butt seriously…

What a hook up! The world’s biggest dog and the biggest dog eater!

I better leave it at that. I’m technically still en route before joining up with Lady M in Colorado Springs and sometimes these things that you write on the road come back to bite you.

I know what you were expecting…butt aren’t you tired of the dog jokes yet?

Nah! Me neither.

So, till then, this is MOTUS, signing off. Butt don’t worry, I’ll be back later to continue to provide full coverage of both the Preezy and the Meezy; aka the Wonce and Only.

What’s the difference between a soccer mom and a pit bull?

The Big White Correspondents Dinner proved one thing for sure: Big Guy’s speech writers are no better at writing comedy than they are policy. And they aren’t very good at that either. Butt that’s OK, because that’s not what they’re supposed to do for a living.

 

For his part Big Guy took the opportunity to audition for his next job: playing himself in another Stephen Spielberg blockbuster: “Saving Private America.”  It’s a fantasy.

Any way  you’re probably wondering how the Correspondents’ Dinner – “The annual event, which brings together US President Barack Obama, Hollywood celebrities, news media personalities and Washington correspondents” ever came to be. Originally it was simply an opportunity for the poor shmucks assigned to cover the White House and the President day in and day out, to enjoy a night out. The idea was for the political correspondents to get together with the object of their hard hitting investigative coverage for a little light fun and frivolity. The correspondents were all allowed to invite guests, who tended to be people they admired: Senators, Congressmen, serious journalists and successful businessmen.

To some extent this is still the case, only now they refer to their party  – ironically – as a nerd prom. It’s really an assembly of all the “cool” people who get together to rub elbows with the object of their affection. And they still invite their idols  who now days tend to be cool Hollywood types who play politicians,

Ides of March star, George Clooney (don’t forget to buy your raffle ticket to win dinner with George and Big Guy!)

serious political writers:

Arianna, formerly of HuffPo

and successful businessmen,

Kevin Spacey, in Horrible Bosses

on the silver screen.

Plus there’s always a few lobbyists, activists, and other sluts thrown in for good measure.

The ever lovely Lindsay Lohan, lending her “talents” to the Washington Correspondents scene

     Kim Kardasian, lobbying for a purpose

One of many uncomfortable moments: another close call on a “bitch stole my look” moment:

                  

Leslie Mann (of Knocked Up fame) showed up in a dress very reminiscent of Lady M’s spectacular fruit salad dress.

Sandra Fluke, activist

Sandra Fluke was also in attendance last night. Not only is she an activist for the War Against Women, she’s also got a gig lined up to star in the sequel to Knocked Up, called Not Knocked Up. She owes that all to Big Guy.

And Lady M soldiered on, holding up her part as best FLOTUS in a supporting role. Laughing on cue and charming all the celebrities with that way she has of effortlessly tossing her head back with a dynamic combination of authority and sexual tension.

Oh, Jimmie!

Even our newly initiated Correspondents Dinner Red Carpet was a big hit. At least with Big Guy’s inner circle.

Howdy Messina with his prom date, left, and Mr. and Mrs. Claire Shipman, right.

So all-in-all, a good night, except for – what, 5 or 6 bad dog jokes?

Well, that will have to do it for my remote coverage of last night’s festivities. My portable wifi hot spot doesn’t work as well as Big Guy’s nerds said it would (surprise) so I’m experiencing technical difficulties. I should have just listened to Raj and relied on roadside  Starbucks or gotten that new droid.

I almost forgot to give you the answer to the question, “What’s the difference between a soccer mom and a pit bull?”

Answer: The pit bull works for the DNC!

Sgt. Wasserman Schultz

Linked By: Bus Insider on Business Insider, and Syzygy on HotAir, sb on Weasel Zippers, ClinkinKY on TF Metals Report, MRM on twitter, and Zilla of the Resistance on twitter,  Thanks!

Dancing With America’s Czars

I see Weasel Zippers dug up an old picture of Lady M from her modern dance class in high school and is passing it off as “newly discovered” Moochabilia. Well unfortunately, it’s not new to me, it’s been sitting here on my hard drive, making me twitchy since the “Wonce and Only” mooved in.

In case you haven’t figured out by now, dancin’ is Lady M’s life. She does it everywhere, all the time. It’s just in her genes. (Is that racist?) She takes to it like a turnip to vinegar. Is that even an expression – outside the Middle East I mean?

 

Tasty pink turnip pickles

This should come as no surprise. As you may recall, Lady M danced her way into this job (as did Big Guy).

and she intends to dance out too. When she’s good and ready.

In the interim, so far, we’ve danced across America,

Europe,

India,

   

…with and without Big Guy

Latin America,

 

and Africa

ll you want to know how much Lady M loves dancin’ all you have to do is check out how many times I’ve reported on her mooves right here. Just a few of many examples:

Dancin’ in the O-zone:

The world famous rhubarb dance in Getting Back to our Roots:

Transformed just last month as a tree worship dance in Crouching Tigers, Hidden Dragons:

Or how about way back in September of 2010 when we had an evening devoted to Lady M’s love of dance? We invited the legendary Judith Jamison - remember how my memory chip  momentary mixed her up with porn star Jenna Jamison? Boy, that was embarrassing!

JJ and her cantaloupes

Fall for Dance: 100% Pornography Free:

     

“I could 'a been somebody! Instead of a bum. Because that’s what I am. I could 'a been a contender! If only I’d been shown that trap door.”

Then there was the modern dance grant that Big Guy’s stimulus dollars funded, at Lady M’s behest (covered here in my Dressing Up Our Summer of Recovery):

North Carolina’s $762k Computer Choreography. So much for Rage Against the Machine.

UNC said they needed the dance stimulus grant to “define an evolving system that assists in the design and production of interactive dance performances with real-time audience interaction.”

Dude: it’s called a “club.” They have them in nearly every city outside of the Middle East.

And if you don’t believe me, just ask the Secret Service guys assigned to Big Guy.

Then there was the Platypus Dance:

    

And who can ever forget the Dougie? Ever. Here, in Risky/Not Risky:

And again, later in my Diptych Trip Tic dispatch:

The chartreuse blouse sort of grows on you, doesn’t it?

And here’s one of my personal faves, because it includes both Lady M’s dancing skills and Big Guy’s, uh, talents too: She’s a Rich Girl, She Don’t Try to Hide It?

He's a poor boy
Empty as a pocket
Empty as a pocket with nothing to lose
Sing ta na na
Ta na na na
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
Diamonds on the soles of her shoes
Diamonds on the soles of her shoes

So I wrap up this dance review of the Wonce and Only’s dancin’ on graves across America and around the world with a couple of observations:

BO said after Osama’s demise at the hands of the Navy Seals that there would be no spiking of the ball in the end zone. So apparently that is NOT Big Guy dancing in the end zone in that “Romney is so uncool he never would have made the tough call to take Osama out” ad.

So I’m hearing a lot of people saying this could be Big Guy’s politics of fear “It’s 3:00 AM, who do you want to answer the call?” ad.

All I can say is the call came in closer to noon, EST, and Big Guy wasn’t asleep. He was on the golf course. So after 5-6 hours of consulting with his top advisors, conducting a quickie poll and focus grouping the options, he finally received the go ahead from Lady M and boldly said, “OK.”

Butt he’s probably right, Romney wouldn’t have made that call. He probably wouldn’t have made his troops call home to get mommy’s permission before doing the job they were sent to do.

So all’s well that ends well, don’t you think? Bin Laden is dead, Big Guy is a hero, and as for Lady M, well it appears all those years of practice finally paid off -

 

And she too has reached her life’s goal:

Finally! I found that trap door! And now, here I am - in front of the klieg lights!

Linked By: anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, and MRM on twitter, Thanks!

Free Lavaughn: We Share Her Fantasy

TODAY’S POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU (UNOFICIALLY) BY THE “MAKE A WISH” FOUNDATION

"It is hard to sneak around and do what you want," Michelle Obama said today. "I have done it a couple of times. But you know one fantasy I have, and the Secret Service they keep looking at me because they think I might actually do it, is to walk right out the front door and just keep walking."

Yes; her fantasy. That’s what Lady M chose to share with the kids who attended an Executive Office “Take your children to work day” function. Coincidentally, that’s the same fantasy a lot of parents who no longer have a job to take their children to on this new national holiday are having.

If it’s a gingham checked tablecloth skirt, it must be campaign season

 

At last year’s event, Lady M revealed what she wore when she felt like being pretty:

Turns out it was the same cocktail dress she wore for U.S. Army Sergeant First Class Jared C. Monti’s posthumous Medal of Honor ceremony - what else?

You may recall, I gave you a primer last year on how “Take our daughters to work” day morphed into the “Take our children to work” holiday:

What used to be Take Your Daughter to Work Day  morphed into "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day" once boys figured out that they had to go to school while the girls got to skip class and tag along with mom to her office.

And while feminists hated the idea, (boys, after all, don’t need roll models) once the boys demanded equal rights there wasn’t anything they could do to stop the PC and fairness police squad from including them in the skip day. And so now dad is on the hook for dragging the kid to the office too. Viva la equality! Thanks to NOW (who invented TYDTWD) all kids can enjoy another free day.

As a result we have created a generation of kids who think when you grow up you spend your days in an office making photocopies of games and puzzles, instant messaging people in the cubicle next door, making microwave popcorn and generally entertaining visitors. Butt that’s just not true: not everyone works for the government.

For his part Big Guy went to the University of North Carolina (and Iowa and Colorado) earlier in the week to kick off a two day campaign event show the kids how they could do their part:

President Obama opened a two-day, three-campus swing on Tuesday designed to recapture the youth vote that helped propel him to the White House four years ago, presenting himself once more as a product of poverty in implicit contrast to his wealthy opponent.

In the process, he reminded them several times that he and Lady M weren’t born to wealthy families and that he felt their pain:

At his first stop at the Chapel Hill campus of the University of North Carolina, Mr. Obama pressed Congress to stop student loan interest rates from rising significantly this summer, recalling in vivid terms the “mountain of debt” that he and his wife accumulated when they were students. While he did not mention Mitt Romney’s name, the comparison was hardly lost on his audience.

“I don’t deserve this.”

He advised them to tell their members of Congress not to double the rates on student debt. Because after all, aren’t things hard enough as it is? With 1 out of 2 college grads unable to find any job at all, let alone won in their chosen field of social justice.

And boy, talk about doubling rates! This is something kids can really relate to. They’ve already seen it happen with the price of gas, hamburger, milk, cheese, mayonnaise - even those healthy fresh veggies Lady M wants us to eat. Now that the number of students whose parents are unemployed has doubled too, it’s really starting to impact them since mommy and daddy can’t afford to pay the full freight anymore.

In other, unrelated, news: GDP unexpectedly fell to just 2.2% last quarter, down from our robust 3% growth rate in the previous quarter. Boy, I guess a trillion dollars just doesn’t buy what it used to.

Anyway, despite complaints by the GOP that Big Guy’s been using taxpayer money for campaign trips, here’s proof that Big Guy has NOT been using Air Force Won and the Secret Service for illegal swing state visits including butt not necessarily limited to giving stump speeches:

"Good evening, and welcome to the general election," Obama campaign manager Jim Messina told reporters on a conference call to announce the rallies this evening. "The Republicans have settled on a candidate — or should I say settled for a candidate."

Howdy Messina didn’t even officially kick off the campaign until yesterday.

The show doesn’t start until the dummy says so

So case closed, GOP knuckleheads. Just because we’re on Air Force Won doesn’t mean we’re campaigning.

Sometimes we’re just taking our guests to a NCAA playoff game

Today, both Big Guy and Lady M are on a non-campaign trip to Georgia to visit our troops at Fort Stewart:

We’re wearing a recycled L'Wren Scott cardigan. Being frugal: another sure sign of campaigning. We did get a new red princess style dress and red flats to wear it with though.

Hey, we’re frugal, not broke. And what better way to demonstrate that “ well yes, thank you, we are better off than we were four years ago!”

So, how you doin’?

 

WEEKEND TRAVEL ALERT: I’M TRAVELING CROSS COUNTRY THE NEXT THREE DAYS (BY SUV, DON’T TELL DR. CHU) SO WILL BE POSTING AS  MOUNTAINS AND 3G TECHNOLOGY ALLOW.

Linked By: Gateway Pundit, and Clarice on Just One Minute, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!