Sticks & Stones May Break Your Bones, Butt Sluts Talk Back

Four words: Irony: a cruel mistress

I know you are aware that Rush Limbaugh, titular head of the R-Words, launched the first round in the War On Women (WOW) when he savagely attacked Sandra Fluke (rhymes with duck) just because she asked America’s taxpayers to pay for her rubbers love gloves boy bonnets condoms contraceptives.

He referred to Sandra as a “slut and a prostitute” at which point all hell broke loose. Apparently the standards have been raised. Now, according to the SEIU, if you don’t charge at least as much as the hookers frequented by client #9, you can no longer claim to be anything more than a “cheeky tart.”

I bring all this up again because I have a breaking story in the world of Feminazis. I received a tip over the weekend and, cub reporter in training that I am, dogged it to the ground.

I think this could be big. I’ve uncovered a secret cabal of proud sluts headquartered in St. Louis, MO, home of the world famous Gateway Arch and the Gateway Pundit.

I’ve discovered they’re planning to hold their inaugural event, “Sticks and Stones: Sluts Talk Back,” in conjunction with That Uppity Theater Company, tonight at the Left Bank bookstore in downtown St Louis.

That Uppity Theater Company and Left Bank Books present the Joyce Trebilcot Memorial Fund’s inaugural event “Sticks and Stones: Sluts Talk Back,” a gathering of writers, musicians, activists, elected officials, and social service administrators responding to the recent rush of misogyny in America. [ed. Got that El Rushbo?]

While misogyny is still unacceptable, it seems the term “slut” isn’t quite as offensive as we all thought it was back when Rush launched the WOW.

Here are some pertinent facts that I came up with on background:

slut (slt) n. a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous. b. A woman prostitute.

Wikipedia, as always, provides lots of additional information: 

…a term applied to an individual who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.The term is generally pejorative and most often applied to women as an insult or offensive term of disparagement, meaning "dirty or slovenly."

However some women have demonstrated saying they're proud of being "sluts", and have given it a positive connotation.

Based on my investigation, I have concluded that the “positive connotation” that Wiki is referring to are the “Slut Walks” that have gone viral since 2011. I think they were initiated as some form of feminist civil rights/gender equality/personal safety protest (+) butt quickly devolved into histrionic, attention seeking exhibitions (-). IMHO.

 

Girls gone wild, or feminists, exerting their civil rights and gender equality?  I reflect, you deride:

And in the interest of truth in journalism, I must object to the inclusion of “dirty or slovenly” in the definition of “slut.” The proper pejorative for insulting a woman who is “dirty or slovenly” is “skank.” Ipso fatso, a “dirty or slovenly” slut is technically a “skanky slut” - and I didn’t hear anybody call anyone a “skanky slut.” Did you?

As for “promiscuous, well, how many times have we all been through the calculation of how many “contraceptives” Ms. Fluke would get for her $3,000/year? A 36 count box at Wal-Mart runs you about $.50 a pop (they’ll run you a lot more if you buy them from the highway rest stop vending machine, so let’s try to plan ahead and save the taxpayers some money, ok?). That works out to about 6,000, uh…“incidents” per year - or almost 17 per day!

So unless the Flukster’s planning to provide condoms for all of the Slut Walkers in Washington D.C., I think she technically qualifies as pretty flukeing promiscuous! Unless of course she’s in a monogamous relationship. Or series of monogamous relationships.

Bring it, Reproductive Rights Activists!

I’m not sure if she can proudly claim to be a slut (I have no idea if, or how much, she charges.)

WARNING: SLUT AHEAD

As for Rush calling her a slut AND a prostitute, well, according to my research in the free on line dictionary, he is, at the very least, redundant.

Butt I digess: back to the cabal in St. Louis who proudly and willingly call themselves Sluts:

This event will take place tonight, May 14, with a reception at 6:30pm and performances ( oh dear!) beginning at 7:00pm. The venue is Left Bank Books Downtown, 321 N. 10th St. The event is free and open to the public.

The proud sluts will be covering topics of interest to literally dozens and dozens of people:

• (pejorative) language
• reproductive rights
• domestic violence
• economic parity

I sure HOPE the “(pejorative) language” workshop clears up that “Slut” vs “Skank” issue.

The “Speakers List” reads like a veritable “Who’s Who” of “Who’s Who?” and will include, butt is not limited to:

 Allison Hile is a liberal, middle-aged white woman who had sex when she was in high school and got very, very lucky she did not get pregnant.  Now, the Executive Director of the Teen Pregnancy & Prevention Partnership, Missouri’s organization for adolescent sexual health, she has a master’s degree in counseling psychology with an emphasis in human sexuality and is certified as a sexuality educator by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). Allison worked in abortion care for many years and has always been a tireless advocate for comprehensive sex education. 

Well, I don’t know how old Alli is, butt back in my high school, she certainly would have been entitled to call herself a “slut.” Likewise, I don’t know if the “comprehensive sex education” she tirelessly advocates is the same as the one she got in high school or is something entirely new and different. You’ll have to ask her at the event.

 

Kris Kleindienst is a writer and co-owner of Left Bank Books where she has worked for 37 years. She is a former writer and columnist for The News Telegraph and The Vital Voice, St. Louis-based LGBT periodicals. In 2001, she won a Lambda Literary Award for an anthology she conceived and edited, This is What Lesbian Looks Like: Dyke Activists Take on the 21st Century.She lives with her partner, Jarek Steele, their two cats and two dogs, and sometimes their two sons.

 

Read on, you’ll be surprised!

Jarek Steele writes and sometimes even shows that writing to other humans when he’s feeling courageous.  He co-owns Left Bank Books with his life partner, Kris and shares a home with her, two dogs, two cats and a nephew with occasional cameo appearances by their two sons. He began his transition from female to male nine years ago, and values the time in his life spent being a daughter, son, wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, lover, friend, colleague and boss to the people around him that make up the vast wealth of his friends and relations.

Looks to me like between the two of them, Kris & Jarek have all the letters in “LGBT”  covered. So I’d just like to say “Happy Mother’s Day” and “Happy Father’s Day” to both of them. I wonder how long he/she/they nursed their two sons?

And I note that Jarek describes Kris as “his life partner” while Kris describes Jarek as “her partner.” Do you think that means anything? Other than men tend to be a lot more sensitive these days?

 

Joan Lipkin is a playwright, lyricist, director, educator, activist and social critic, who will go to great lengths in the pursuit of peace, and gender and racial equality. She conceived Sticks and Stones as a way for women and progressive men to protest against the war on women and escalating misogyny in the US and abroad. Joan's work has been featured on network television, National Public Radio, the BBC and the Associated Press and published in numerous anthologies including MYTHIC WOMEN: REAL WOMEN.

I tweeted Julia about Joan’s anthology because I thought it sounded like her kind of read. She tweeted back and said she just ordered a used copy from Amazon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mark W. Tiedemann began publishing science fiction stories professionally after attending the Clarion Workshop in 1988. He has subsequently published over 50 short stories, numerous reviews and essays, and 10 novels.  Compass Reach was shortlisted for the Philip K. Dick Award in 2002.

 

 

Shortlisted for the Philip K. Dick Award!?! OK, that was a cheap won, butt you didn’t think I was going to let it get away did you? Now, if I can just find a way to work in a good “dog eating” joke, my post will be complete. 

I wonder if any of these guys work the comedy club circuit when they’re not attending alternate life style slut training sessions. If not, they should.

 

Summer Osborne - You could describe her as the love child of Adele, Carole King, and Joss Stone. You could describe her music as folk soul, acoustic rock, and piano pop… with glimpses of jazz, blues, and roots music. But you cannot confine her to a genre. Summer Osborne’s only goal:  to change the world by changing people’s minds about themselves… she needs LOVE, MUSIC, and YOU.

 

I also found this sweet little note from Summer on the web:

Hi there!

As my wife and I travel this world, we hope to be showing up in a city near YOU!! Follow the ReverbNation link to hear my music…ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS talk to me and let me know what you are thinking!!

Peace and love and green frogs…

~ Summer

Peace, love and green frogs right back at ya’ Princess  “Summer-Fall-Winter!” My shaman  predicts a future for you in politics.

Hope n’ Change via American Digest

There are many more fine speakers on the list, including Rush’s favorite MO Representative:

Stacey Newman (Missouri State Representative, D-Richmond Heights) was first elected in 2009 to the state legislature and represents Clayton, Richmond Heights and Ladue.  She currently serves as the Chair of the House Progressive Caucus, and has been a loud voice for women’s reproductive justice, domestic violence protections, gender pay equity and voters rights. 

 

 

Stacey’s voter’s rights platform includes a voter’s right to NOT have to show a photo ID at the polls. Unless it’s at a Democrat primary, where we don’t want any R-Word interlopers.

Stacey, “proud slut talking back” that she is, has caught Rush’s attention before. Back in March he covered her proposal to restrict vasectomies to cases “required to prevent serious injury or death.”

She, of course, intended her gesture to be ironic. Butt as it turns out she was too clever by half and the irony has doubled back to bite her. It seems her anti-vasectomy proposal has landed squarely in the camp of other radical groups, like the Catholic Church, who are fighting against the Obamacare mandate that forces employers to pay for contraception (including sterilizations of all ilks). Boy, talk about biting yourself in the ass! That’s gonna’ leave a mark.

Butt I think this event is coming a little too late. Big Guy just announced that the war on women is over. No, wait, I guess that was the War On Terror. The War On Women will continue as long as Rush is still on the air, there are R-Words in the House…or Senate, or, God forbid, the Big White.

Now, about that dog eating joke to wrap things up - well, I don’t really have one. Butt I love this picture of Big Guy and his little toy Bichon.

 Obama doesn’t eat puppies, butt he does lick them.

And I’d like to think that Breitbart would too.

With apologies to all LGBT’s who mind their own business and do not participate in Slut Walks

Linked By: Adrienne’s Corner, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and Tweeted by FairDaizie, and BadBlue, That Mr. G Guy’s Blog, Thanks!

A Mother’s Work is Never Done. Apparently

Four words: Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mom’s out there! And to everyone else who has or ever had a Mom!

As Big Guy said in his annual Mother’s Day Proclamation:

Today, we continue to mark Mother's Day by paying tribute to the women who shape our characters and set our families up for success. Through their example, our children learn the principles of hard work, compassion, service, and personal responsibility. Through their encouragement and unconditional support, they instill the confidence and values so vital to our children's success.

So yes, on this special  day we pause to reflect on the woman who not only brought us into this world, butt the woman who shaped us, defined our beliefs, guided our values, encouraged our dreams and believed in us no matter what. Or as Big Guy calls that woman: “grandma.”

So what if she was just a typical white woman? She was just crossing the street to get to the other side. BO’s Mom was anything butt typical, and we all know how well that worked out for the young Barry. Still, it’s too bad Big Guy had to throw Granny under the bus in the name of political expediency. Butt she understood; after all, she raised him.

And Lady M gave her “mommy” a shout-out on Thursday at the Joining Forces Mother’s Day Tea in the East Room:

My Mommy: dearest

And it wouldn’t be a Mother’s Day tea if I didn’t thank my own mommy.  Mommy -- there you are, who is here today.  (Applause.)  And it’s a big deal when grandma does anything.  (Laughter.)  So the fact that she’s sitting in that chair is a big testimony to her respect and admiration for all of you. (snip) 

Yeah, Granny R – she gets tired of doing “stuff” for Lady M, so getting her to do even more “stuff,” like sitting through the Mother’s Day Tea is going to cost MO big time. So in case you’re wondering where Lady M gets it, there you are.

What happens to the grandmothers, you know?  You turn into just pieces of mush.  (Laughter.)

Yes, I tell my children to eat my vegetables, and Grandma is like, why.  (Laughter.)  Why can't they have whatever they want?  (Laughter.)  And I’m like, these were the rules you -- these were your rules.  (Laughter.)  Don't you remember?  No, no, I don't remember ever making you eat vegetables.  Ever.  (Laughter.) 

And I’m like, why do the Wee Wons have to eat Lady M’s vegetables anyway? I’m sure they get enough of their own. I’m really not sure what that was all about, butt let’s just say there was more than a little ambient hostility in the room.

Anyway, O/T butt do any of you watch American Idol? You really should, because if Big Guy had a son he would sing like Joshua Ledet.

And here’s something else he has in common with Big Guy; the judges have already selected him as the winner, so it doesn’t really matter how America votes, he’s going to be the Won.

They aren’t even pretending anymore: “After all the votes were counted!” we’re told breathlessly every week by host Ryan Seacrest, before announcing who’s getting the boot.

Butt here’s what he doesn’t tell you: first they do polls, conduct focus groups and meet with the producers and advertisers to decide which contestants will draw the largest audience for the next round. Then, and only then, do they count the votes - as many times as necessary to to get the correct results. It’s Chicago rules.

And I can tell you, based on the judges standing O’s alone, Joshua, the 19 year old son of a preacher man is a sure bet – and you can take that to Vegas. His only remaining competitors at this point are a White-White American heterosexual male and an Asian-Hispanic American heterosexual female, so I’m going with Joshua, who not only looks like Big Guy (check out those ears), butt sings and moves like him too.

Last week he did James Browns “It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s world” and the judges were beside themselves: Jennifer Lopez found it to be a religious experience, “I never knew before what it meant ‘take me to church.’  Now I know.  It was amazing.  I saw the Lord.” And Steven Tyler gave the endgame away: he said, “I can go home right now!  I’ve never heard anything like that in my life.”

Is it just me, or does that sound reminiscent of the run up to the 2008 American Idol winner? Oh and one last thing: I guess Joshua isn’t gay either, because here he is with his Idol girlfriend, fellow finalist Jessica Sanchez:

Butt would it hurt for him to pretend? After all, the LGBT community is currently our biggest fan club, and if he did (pretend that is) Big Guy would be his biggest fan, hence sealing the deal for a victory. And while he may not be gay, he certainly has the persona down pat. I think he can pass.

Back to Mother’s Day though: I see Time Magazine did a special tribute edition to Moms this week.  I hope this doesn’t offend anyone; apparently they feel they have an important story to share: LA (natch) Mom plans to breastfeed her kid till he’s 6. Or maybe Time is just testing the waters to see how far they can push liberals into accepting the abnormal as normal. That could be fun.

 

I prefer to think of it as a postmodern version of motherhood, although I guess technically it’s called “attachment parenting.” The Gateway Pundit calls it a Failure to Wean.

Jamie Lynn Grummet explains why she’s still breastfeeding her nearly 4 year old son:

“People have to realize this is biologically normal,” she said, adding, “The more people see it, the more it’ll become normal in our culture. That’s what I’m hoping. I want people to see it.”

Redefining biological normality is a good trick to use to get liberals to sign up. It’s sort of like gay marriage, generational welfare and the life of Julia; if we can get you to agree that what was once abnormal is now normal it will be much easier to legislate it into existence. Heck, except for the meltdown of the global economy we’d have already implemented world-wide Cap and Trade laws!  I think there’s a name for this sort of sort of malignant desensitization – oh yes, propaganda!

I don’t know, I’m probably just old fashioned butt I think if a kid’s old enough to walk up to the window and order his own burger, fries and a Coke it’s probably time to get off the teat. And that applies to the government’s teat as well.

Let’s try to remember, it’s MOTHER’S day, not Nanny’s day.

 

 

Anyhoo – we’ll be celebrating Mother’s Day big time around here today – because Lady M deserves it. And because Big Guy would do anything to forget about the dismal crowd he drew for his garage speech to take credit for refinancing Paul and Val Keller’s house. I think the Secret Service even had to pay Paul and Val to show up.

Man, the audience is brutal when you get away from that Hollywood bubble!

Oh wait! There are the crowds, right across the street:

h/t Clarice

One last thing – a special Mother’s Day Greeting from Team Obama. Speaks for itself.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

The Mathemagics Behind the Unemployment Rate

Four words: Jobs, jobs, jobs (That’s 4, right?)

All righty then: we’ve spent the last year talking about the OWIES esprit de corp, the R-Word’s War on Women, Sandra Fluke’s bloomers, Big Guy’s swankie Frankie fetish, hoodies and racist white Hispanics, composite girls from the past, and oh –  did you hear?  Big Guy killed Osama Bin Laden? Yup, he just whacked him:

Oh sure, he had an assist from those little people, who, as he likes to put it "are out there fighting on my behalf.”  Butt basically, yup, he just whacked him. And George W. Bush didn’t.

Neither did Mitt Romney.

Anyway, with everything that’s been going on it’s been hard to find time to talk about some of the other transformational issues that we care so much about. In fact, it’s been so long since we last hyped our Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! plan that some people have actually forgotten that the Do-Nothing Congress has dropped the ball. They haven’t done anything about recharging our Volt’s batteries so we can drive our economy out of the ditch. Heck, sometimes even Big Guy forgets how bad it is out there.

So maybe that’s why I’m getting so much mail about the economy lately.

Or maybe it has something to do with America’s growing unease over a world-wide recession spurred by France’s recent surrender to a socialist regime. Again.

Cheese eating surrender monkeys!

I know Lady M wasn’t happy about the outcome of the French election. She’d just gotten to the point where she liked the new Carla and all of her chipmunk pouches :

and now there’s a new French hottie on the world stage that she has to deal with.

Valerie Rottweiler, new Queen of France

So we’ve been going through an awful lot of Cheetos around here. And, as it turns out, apparently you CAN reverse a tummy tuck with enough Cristal, foie gras and Kobe sliders.

  Drop that camera and step away from the FLOTUS!    h/t: Krista     

So anyway I thought I’d take today’s lull in big news as an opportunity to respond to one of the most frequently asked questions I get in my mail bag.

“MOTUS, everybody I know has lost their job and nobody can find another one. Butt the unemployment rate keeps going down! What’s up with that? I feel really stoopid, can you explain exactly how Big Guy calculates the unemployment rate?”

Let’s have a little Travelling Music, shall we?

That Old Black Magic: Sammy Davis Jr.

That’s a very astute observation, and a very good question! And today I’m going to explain how it’s done with a little government secret I like to call “Mathemagics!” ®

The Mathemagics of Obamanomics

NOTE: Big Guy’s mathemagics ® are in no way related to Granny R’s rumored (and officially denied) practice of the voodoo black arts.

Although I understand that her powers may be employed in the upcoming election since we need everyone onboard in order to “get out the vote.”

And don’t ask me again how she does it because I’ve already filed an official, plausible denial.

Anyhoo, back to my topic for today. The Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) is Team-Obama’s Ministry of Employment Propaganda source of information regarding Big Guy’s job creation initiative. It is their job to gin up publish statistics showing how Big Guy has pulled our economy out of the ditch George W. Bush and the other R-Words drove us into.

Bureaucrats in the Bureau of Labor Statistics: emphasis on “bureau” and “statistics”

You can go to the BLS website for the official obfuscation explanation of how it’s done, or you can save yourself the frustration and rely on my simplified version of the complex statistical scam calculation.

First, the unemployment rate is made up calculated by dividing the number of persons who do not have jobs AND who are actively looking for work, by the number of persons in the total civilian labor force. Simple, no? Well, you’d think so, butt like everything in government, it’s not as easy as it should be seems.

First, it depends on the season. Is it cold outside, or hot? Is it planting or harvesting season? Road construction season, graduation season, or – as it is currently - historic, first re-election season? The season is important since the official unemployment rate can rise and fall (as needed) depending on the time of year. For example, in winter you don’t need as many people to do your yard work or set up tents for graduation parties, so the unemployment rate rises.

Translation for the gringos:

I voted for Obama

I didn’t think he’d kill the American economy.

I am so, so very sorry!!!

Butt we “adjust” for that and lower it back down again so the numbers won’t look so bad seasonal.

The unemployment rate falls during the summer months because your lawn needs mowing, leaves need blowing and farmers need workers to plant tax subsidized seed corn, in order to produce cornahol so we can save the planet. So, we don’t have to fudge “adjust” the numbers as much in the summer. Our seed corn subsidy also goes for corn that’s turned into fructose corn syrup, butt Lady M doesn’t want you to eat that anymore. So I guess now we can make more cornahol and transfer our reliance on foreign sources of oil to reliance on foreign sources of fructose corn syrup.

During our historic re-election season, the unemployment rate drops faster than Sandra Fluke’s bloomers in order to help Big Guy Win The Future. For America.

WTF?

Ok, I understand, butt it is starting to get complicated. Stick with me; we’re still working thought the mathemagics!

 

See?

Our BLS nerds take the hard numbers: the size of the labor force and the number of unemployed persons, and fudge adjust them to reflect the most advantageous accurate unemployment rate for that moment in time. They call “a whole bunch of” households and ask if anybody who lives there is unemployed, and if so, are they enjoying Big Guy’s generous unemployment compensation gift? Are they actively looking for a job or have they just given up any HOPE of ever finding a job again?

Homeless and HOPEless

All the people who have given up HOPE, together with all the people whose unemployment gifts welfare benefits have expired (times 10³⁾, are promptly and permanently removed from the labor force. This makes the denominator (that’s the bottom number in a fraction for Rush’s friends in Rio Linda) smaller relative to the numerator. And that results in a lower unemployment rate! Just like that. Shazam!

 

It’s just like taking a poll: you call the right people, ask the right questions and ipso fatso, you get the right answer - every time! Take it from me, by September, we’ll throw enough people out of the work force create enough jobs to get the unemployment rate down to around 1.5%.

    I’ll Buh-rock your vote, baby!       h/t: Ironic Surrealism

At which point the economic engine will be back on track, our high speed intercontinental railroad will be roaring along the highspeed internet just looking for the right off ramp to jump the track and WTF.

Hey! Where did all that manure come from?   h/t SadHill

So don’t worry, we are on correct path now, comrades. WTF.     h/t Vereteno

Linked by: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and American Digest, and Clarice on JustOneMinute, and Adrienne’s Corner, and  NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and MRM on twitter, Thanks!