Lady M Goes to the Gary Comer Center to talk about herself

Four words: it’s all about me

They came from all over the world, Norway, Turkey, Croatia  France and Albania, to accompany Lady M on a tour of a youth center on the South Side side of Chicago (where Lady M herself grew up, in case you’re from Croatia or somewhere).

MO wanted to show the NATO spouses that - just like in their countries - America has poor, underprivileged children too. The only difference is that here, since the Wons took over, we take care of our underprivileged youths.

Using a combined approach of Lady M’s patented “Let’s Moove” exercise program:

Hip-hop dance routines:

and organic gardening classes that teach disadvantaged youths how to raise organic weeds on the roof:

and cook them up into healthy, tasty vittles, we are going to wipe out childhood obesity in one generation!

Oh oh! Somebody didn’t get the memo on healthy eating and mooving.

And did Lady M ever WOW the international and South Side Chicago crowd: “dressed in heels and a tight-fitting, tan Zac Posen dress” that looked equally good worn with the tight matchy matchy jacket:

and without:

Note the unique touch on the hem line that the designer may or may not have intended: the flip thingie might have been Lady M’s own touch, you know how she likes to add her unique signature to things:

And check out the ever so of-the-moment monochromatic tone of the two piece ensemble! This new fashion trend was just reported here last Saturday by our resident fashion maven and spy, Anonymouse! I think we’d all have to agree that our ever fashion forward Lady M totally rocked this new “all one color” trend!

matchy, matchy; matchy, matchy

Although I’m  not sure how we can use this new “all one color” theme as part of our campaign, I’m sure Howdy Messina will come up with something to capitalize on the trend.

Anyway, when the ladies were done touring the Gary Comer Center of light and hope, Lady M delivered a few remarks intended to motivate the kids that look just like her.

Here are a few excerpts from her inspirational speech:

 

And I also want to give a special hello, recognize 6 very special guests whom I've brought with me here today, my counterparts and distinguished women in their own right from Albania, Croatia, France, Norway, Turkey and the NATO headquarters.

All of whom were so very glad to be there, I’m sure.

And most of all, I want to recognize all of the extraordinary young people joining us today. You all are amazingly impressive…

Yes, you all are: amazingly impressive.

And of course, we've got to thank the wonderful men and -- young men and women of the Gary Comer Youth Center. You guys were so impressive today…

Did I mention how impressive you guys are? And amazing?

I brought them here because I wanted them to see just how amazing you all are. That's really it. I want them to see you all. I want those cameras to see you all. I brought them here because I am so proud of where I grew up…

Can you cameras see you all?

And there were also well-meaning but sometimes misguided folks who questioned whether someone with my background could get into the kind of colleges that I dreams of attending. And sometimes I'd save those folks the trouble and raise those questions of doubt in my own head; lying awake at night worrying about whether I had what it took to succeed…

And your answer was?

But I decided to just focus, to push the haters out, to kick the doubters out of my head.

I see some of them have returned.

And instead, what I did was I worked really hard. I focused all my energy on working hard. I spent hours every day trying to get my homework done, wrestling with those math problems, writing and rewriting those papers over and over again.

And see how well that’s working out? Ok, we still have a little trouble with math, butt the writing part is good.

Studying, getting up early in the morning to study, because we lived in such a little-bitty apartment that it was hard to concentrate at night when everybody was awake, so often I woke up at 4:30, 5:00 in the morning just to study in quiet. And eventually, I was accepted to Princeton University, and I went onto Harvard Law School. (Applause.)

Because of all your hard work, right? Because nobody would show you the secret trap door.

You see, no one -- or maybe very few people are born smart. You become smart through hard work.

Or because someone shows you where the trap doors are. Or writes you a most excellent autobiography.

And no matter what you want to be, just know this: You will always need a good education. You will always need a good education. There is no shortcut to that. So work hard in school, you all, please.

So you've got to work hard.

Unless, of course, someone shows you the secret trap door.

The bar is high, right? All right.

And then, if you’re very lucky, like Lady M was, you too can grow up to be a Harvard lawyer, pass the bar exam and then “voluntarily” give up that law license that you worked so hard for. Because you don’t really need it once you decide you don’t care about the money and just want to give back to the community instead of enriching yourself. Like all noble people should.

This program was the reason -- one of the reasons why I left practicing law -- so you know I walked away from some money to do this work. But Public Allies will always have a special place in my heart.

Brave, brave Lady M. Working so hard. Sacrificing so much. At the rate she’s going, she’s going to wear herself out before her work is done here.

Whoa! Maybe we need to cut back on the pushups; it looks like we’re working our self to the bone.

Linked By: ImNoDhimmi on Weasel Zippers and AGAIN on Weasel Zippers, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, Thanks!

The War on Women continues…

Four words: Champagne socialists, caviar dreams

Who is that little man at the “head” of the round table? King Arthur? Gatsby? Dmitry? Maybe it’s Angie – who followed his advice and fought not just for a “seat at the table” butt “the head seat” – as BO instructed the Barnard graduates to do.

No, silly, that’s Big Guy!

The leader of the free world! You can tell that he’s the one holding court because he has his elbows on the table, with his hands clasped together in that imperialist stately way of his. This is the dinner party on Friday night at Camp David, opening the G-8 summit. Although, if I’m counting correctly, it looks like somebody’s having trouble with math again.

After dinner, like a bunch of excited little girls, they stayed up all night talking, telling stories and eating s’mores. Then towards daybreak Big Guy lectured reminded them that they were there to “hopefully… get some stuff done.” No, not nuclear Iran. Not the continuing destruction of the world economy; something more critical to Big Guy’s reelection: women’s empowerment.

h/t Gateway Pundit

I suppose Campbell Brown’s going to say he’s just pandering again, butt unempowered women are what led to the creation of all those expensive safety nets that Julia has to rely on throughout her life. Indeed, it’s Julia’s lack of empowerment that has led to her faceless, formless, feckless life.

Unfortunately after covering the important issue of the economic empowerment of women there wasn’t enough time left to discuss the educational and political empowerment of women. If you want to learn about how women (especially in Islamic countries) are faring on those fronts, you’ll have to read about it in Mona Eltahawy’s article. (h/t bettyann)

Big Guy did have some economic discussions with France’s new Socialist leader, Francois Hollande, on Friday afternoon before departing for the campfire dinner.

BO and Francois compared notes on the benefits of an elitist university education, their mutual dislike of the wealthy, and shared some thoughts on the best way to redistribute the ill-gotten wealth of the 1% in order to avoid austerity measures that the proletariat always finds distasteful. They also chatted about the pros and cons of owning vs. renting vacation properties in fabulously wealthy enclaves.

And I think Big Guy wrangled an invite to occupy one of Francois’ 3 villas on the Riviera for a few weeks. Although we probably won’t be able to go as a family until after the reelection, we may send Lady M and Princess Warren ahead as a scouting party.  Fortunately, the Rottweiler will not be on premise when the WONs visit.

Because as you can see, that would never work:

Please, let this arrogant French Champagne Socialist get food poisoning and go home!

 

 Plus, she wears stockings! Who does that?

Which reminds me: Lady M hosted the G-8 spouses for a tour of the Big White on Friday and served them a special lunch prepared by visiting super-celebrity chef José Andrés (gazpacho, Maryland rockfish with asparagus, grapefruit, Virginia berries, weeds from the Big White  garden and caramelized (!) olive oil; and for dessert, a tangerine sorbet with Virginia strawberries; doesn’t sound very super-chefy to me).

Okay, who wants Absolut straight up, and who wants the white wine?

Why can’t you ladies keep up with me?

Meanwhile Big Guy was off to Camp David where he waited for hours for his guests to show up before giving up and turning in to catch a few winks:

I guess they’re not coming after all.

Oh wait! There they are! I guess their bus driver didn’t have GPS.

Come on guys! We’ve got a whole bunch a stuff to get done!

Then we graciously posed for keepsakes with all of our old and new friends:

“I can’t talk now Dmitry, meet me round back after midnight.”

So Angie, need any tips on how to how to restructure that debt?

After the chuck wagon dinner, campfire, press conference and a little shut eye we were off to Chicago for the NATO conference and anarchist convention, where we were greeted by our old friend Rhambo who, as you can see, has forgotten all about that knife in his back.

Boy! It’s good to be back home! Where we can just let our hair down and be ourselves.

               

Oh yeah, that’s the side of Lady M we’ve come to know and love!

Linked By: MRM on twitter, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, Thanks!

“Birth” of a Liberal’s “Truth”

Four words: Liar, Liar, pants on fire! (I lied about it being 4 words.)

Well isn’t this just dandy?

“Why was Obama a birther before he decided to run for president?”

That’s like asking “When did Big Guy lie, and how did he know he was lying?” So for the zillionth time: that disinformation about Kenya being the birthplace of Barack Barry Obama was a “fact checking” error – you know, as in “I didn’t think anyone would ever bother to check the facts.”

Here’s the bottom line, this was all just a big mis-misunderstanding that started with a simple mistake that just replicated itself.

The Replicant-in-Chief

When Big Guy, known as Barry back then, filled out his first college application he thought they were asking where his father was born so naturally he inserted “Kenya.” And apparently this one innocent little fact checking error continued to dog him all the way from Occidental College to Columbia to Harvard and right on into the book bio (which was not an auto-bio) and his Senate run in 2004. And if there were any advantages to being an African-born African-American with respect to special treatment programs in place at the time, well, that would just be a coincidence. A happy coincidence, butt a coincidence none-the-less.

And just to show how these little “fact checking” errors self-replicate, just look at how many of Big Guy’s own friends used to be birthers! Right up until they saw how it might queer his Preezy deal. (I can say “queer” now, right? Now that Big Guy’s out of the closet on the right side of history, right?)

So can you believe it? One little teeny-tiny mistake eventually turned into this whole huge “Birther” controversy that lives on to this day. Thanks to the rightwing nutz.

The same sort of thing happened to Elizabeth Warren: she happened to mention to her sorority sisters one day how much she enjoyed Indian pudding, and the next thing you know everyone just assumed she was Cherokee – on account of her high cheek bones! Boy, if high cheekbones is all it takes to be part Cherokee, we might just have another little princess around here.

Could Lady M’s high cheekbones mean she’s part Indian too? Or at least part Brahmin, like Lizzie Warren? Or at least Brahman? Because aren’t they Indians too?

Anyway, I just thought you might want to know how lies about liberals get started.  

Anyhoo, I’ve got a little bit of housekeeping I need to tend to now so I’ll get back to fill you in on Big Guy’s sleep over at Camp David tomorrow.

Don’t worry Big Guy, all your little friends will show up. They probably just missed the bus.

h/t 3XALADY

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and tweeted by P M Daley, and anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, Thanks!

The Amateur and the Other Amateur

Four words: Amateurs, killing the messenger

No matter what happens from this point on, nobody can call Big Guy an Amateur. If, as we completely fear anticipate, he’s reelected in November, Big Guy will officially advance to the Preezy-Pro 2.0.

Butt even if (heaven forbid) the irresponsible citizens of this ungrateful country decide to retire Big Guy after only 4 innings, he will forever be known as the Former Preezy-Pro 1.0 (also marketed as the Ex-Pro-Preezy 2.5).

Either way, an amateur he’s not.

Practicing our good byes, just in case…

Lookin’ good, no?

And as far as Lady M (also designated as Amateur #2 in Mr. Klein’s little book of lies) goes, let’s just say the Co-Preezy has plans for moving to the Tee-veezy, regardless of the outcome of November’s referendum.

And now….here’s Mitchell!

As Clarice indicated yesterday, there are many  people excitedly awaiting Lady M’s new television show. Virtually everyone in television-land is pursuing us right now, and the Food TV people think they have the inside track because of all of their shameless pandering to MO’s No Child’s Fat Behind program:

Butt I’m thinking bigger. Much bigger - “Oprah big” in fact:

What more appropriate place for Lady M than on the “O” network? Even though it has fallen on hard times recently.

Of course, due to that little “falling out” that Lady M had with Oprah we may have to mend a few fences there first. Either that or get the U.S. Government to bail Oprah out (on the grounds she’s too big to fail) by buying her stake in the “O” Network out for pennies on the dollar. Only as a last resort would we be forced to launch a supremacy clause lawsuit to return the name to the rightful owners (which in the this case would obviously be the W“O”N). That case would ultimately be decided by those “two brilliant Supreme Court justices" appointed by Lady M’s husband, so I don’t think there’s much question about the outcome.

I HOPE if this all falls into place I might snag myself an associate producer slot, because I’ve got a lot of ideas for what direction we might want to go with Lady M’s new show:

Traditional talk show

Dance party

Butt-busters fitness program

Healthy late night snacks

Game show host

And depending on what direction we ultimately decide to go, I’ve also got a few ideas for special segments:

Competitive Dressing competition

• The challenge: demonstrate new, unanticipated by the designer, ways to wear clothing items: inside-out, upside-down, backwards, on a different body part, etc.

                 

Childish Physical Challenges

• This segment would promote the kind of exotic MOOvement that kids used to get during recess before we realized how dangerous competition was to their fragile egos: sack races, jump rope, and hula hooping. Note: violent, terrorist training activities like dodge ball, tackle-ena and frisbee tossing have been banned by Bruno’s Homeland Security Drones and will not be permitted, even with signed waivers.

The Creative School Lunch Room snacks made from left overs challange

• A competition to create new, healthy food items from products previously considered inedible. Each celebrity chef will be given 5 minutes to go through the garbage to salvage items that they will then transform into a healthy snack.

Mmmm! Repurposed Pink Slime! That’s good eats!

Dancing With the Czars

• In this segment, common, ordinary folks like you and me (except that these folks will be rich, because they’ll have had to pony up cash to obama.com  for the privilege – and I’m not talkin’ the 3 buck minimum) will be selected to dance with Big Guy’s current and former Czars for real prizes. And here we’re talking about priceless items: signed pictures of the Wons, high definition recordings of Big Guy’s favorite reads on an official Barack Obama thumb drive, and more.

I’m thinking of doing some special annual events too: competitions featuring personal appearances by the Preezy himself. The biggest of these will be the annual TOTUS Throw-down, held on the anniversary of Big Guy’s historic, swearing in ceremony. In this competition, ordinary folks like you and…well - you know, like before - will get to challenge the Zen Master to a brutal test of teleprompter skills:

“Are you up to the challenge? Can you keep up with the scroll? Can you look left, then right, then left, then right, constantly cycling back and forth for hours and hours on end? Ok, it’s more like 30 to 45 agonizing minutes, butt it will seem like hours.”

 

Can YOU handle the TOTUS challenge?

Oh my gosh! I’m so excited…I guess I better get back down to earth for a while. None of this has been inked yet, and I know there are a lot of jealous people out there secretly hoping it doesn’t work out.

So I better not get ahead of myself. It’s just that I also heard a hot rumor that Lady M’s being considered as the replacement for JLo on American Idol next season too! Is that not inspired!??! Not only does she already know how to dress for the role:

She’s definitely got the JLo butt workin’:

                      

And has she not already demonstrated her ability to pick American Idols?

So I say “bring it, girlfriend!”

I’m challenging YOU to a throw down!

We Can’t Wait!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Clarice on JustOneMinute, and sb on Weasel Zippers, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, Thanks!