Of Mice and Men: Who Let All the Vermin Into the White House?

Yes, it’s official: lying to the government is now legally sanctioned.

 

“I did not have sex with that woman; Ms. Lewinski.”

Because, as we all know, everyone lies about sex.

The president’s “reforms” aim to turn doctors into government agents, pressuring them financially to ask questions they consider inappropriate and unnecessary, and to violate their Hippocratic Oath to keep patients’ records confidential.(snip)

Doctors and hospitals who don’t comply with the federal government’s electronic-health-records requirements forgo incentive payments now; starting in 2015, they’ll face financial penalties from Medicare and Medicaid. The Department of Health and Human Services has already paid out over $12.7 billion for these incentives.

And, as usual, wherever there’s government cheese to be had, there will be mice.

Here, have a little cheese. There’s always more.

Before we continue, allow me to clarify that this has nothing to do with the recent White House vermin outbreak, which, as the link reports, is not exactly news.

The last time this was an issue, Jimmy Carter was president - also not news.

To his dismay, [President Carter] found the bureaucracy unresponsive. GSA, responsible for inside the White House, insisted it had eliminated all "inside" mice and contended any new mice must have come from the outside, meaning, the New York Times reported at the time, they were "the responsibility of the Interior Department."

To make matters worse, GSA and Interior refused to use traps, claiming humane groups had protested that in the past. But when mice started scampering across his office in daylight and when his meeting with the Italian prime minister was conducted amid the distinct smell of a dead mouse, Carter erupted.

Like Big Guy, Jimmi’ always reserved his temper for the really important things.

"For two or three months now I've been telling them to get rid of the mice," Carter wrote. "They still seem to be growing in numbers, and I am determined either to fire somebody or get the mice cleared out – or both."

Well, this finally got the bureaucracy’s attention and the GSA sprang into action, baiting and setting traps everywhere.

According to the Associated Press, daily battle updates were sent to the highest levels of the White House, complete with body counts and descriptions of the weapons being deployed. (snip)

Now, before you say, “that’s interesting MOTUS, butt why should we care about Jimmy Carter’s battle with mice 35 years ago?” allow me to explain. You see, Jimmy was so distracted with all the vermin running around the White House that he completely ignored the emergence of rats in Iran at the time; in fact, he inadvertently(?) aided and abetted them. So instead of supporting our only ally in the region other than Israel, who was trying to beat the rats back, he undermined him.  Exasperated by the vermin underfoot, Jimmy took his frustrations out on the Shah of Iran and demanded that he end his “human rights abuses”  by releasing all “political” prisoners “whose ranks included radical fundamentalists, communists and terrorists.”

Goodness! Is it just me or is anyone else getting a flash of déjà vu?

“Thus Jimmy Carter's misguided implementation of human rights policies not only indirectly led to overthrow of the Shah of Iran, but also paved the way for loss of more than 600,000 lives, Iran's rule by Ayatollahs, the Iran-Iraq War, Iraq's Invasion of Kuwait and Desert Storm, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, the Taliban, Al Qaeda, Osama bin Laden, and the mass murder of Americans and destruction of the World Trade Center towers on September 11, 2001.”

In the Middle East, the mice eat the cheese and do pushups in their mouse traps.

Anyway, back to Jimmy’s Presidential problem with mice:

Finally, on Nov. 4th, the GSA declared victory, reporting officially "the problem (is) under control." The final "confirmed catch" was 61; the final count of traps was 296 spring traps and 141 GSA "bait stations."

Not that this is a competition, butt here’s Big Guy’s official vermin count to date: 19 journ-O-lists have officially joined the White House staff. We’re still a little behind.

Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary, former Washington Bureau Chief for Time magazine and spouse of Claire Shipman, senior national correspondent for ABC, had no official comment on the potential for conflict of interest created by partisan hacks  former journalists working for the administration.

No comment.

Butt he did say that “the American people ‘appreciate a president’ who ‘doesn’t celebrate decisiveness for decisiveness’ sake.’”

Obama was here, butt he didn’t make any decisions; somebody else did that for him.

Butt cycling back around to the beginning, I have a question: if the government can ask about our sex lives, can we also question the government about theirs?

Because at any given time it’s helpful to know who’s screwing us.

^* Now officially government sanctioned

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Janet Roseberger, Kathleen Franklin Avant, Patricia Redd Dobbs, Susana Patrick, Nancy JustNancy, Mireille Buser, Pam McDonald on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Putin and Obama Side by Side; I Reflect, You Decide.

Vladimir Putin (5'7", allegedly), let’s review:

His first term as President of Russia coincided with George W. Bush’s stolen American Presidency.

I hate this American President, his stick is much bigger than mine

From 2000-2008 Putin tried, more or less, to make nice with America and the West. Accordingly, he confined most of his inner-machismo to his big game hunts;

and dealing with internal enemies.

Ask Litvinenko: Is polonium a chemical weapon?

Then, when GWB’s second term was over, he gave Dmitry Medvedev (5'4")

In Russia, the difference between 5'7" and 5'4" is what they say it is.

a “short” run as president and used his self-imposed timeout to study this new American President, Barack Hussein Obama. “A very unique Amerikan president,” he said to himself.

So he spent the next 4 years working out in the gym and taking karate lessons.

Having assessed this Amerikan “fundamental transformation” and this new Amerikan president, he felt the whole world was due for some of this HOPE and CHANGE. Hence, he determined the time was ripe for the reemergence of the Russian Bear.

Listen up world leaders; it’s no contest: as you see, this one has no stick.

So prior to his next Russian presidential “reelection” he set about having a series of promotional photos taken of himself without a shirt, doing manly things.

Not so much to impress his countrymen, who were predestined to vote for him anyway, butt in order to intimidate his Amerikan arch enemy. Which it did; even Big Guy was overheard commenting that Pooty had a really big stick, and that in deference to it he would be far more flexible after his own reelection.

Youzer! That’s a really big rod!!

So when Putin won the Russian presidency, unexpectedly, in 2012 Big Guy decided to play nice with him this time around, lest he be considered to be arrogant, dismissive or even derisive.

Is this enough flexibility Pooty, or do you want me to take another yoga class?

So, let’s recap: while Pooty was shooting  tigers and bears and elk, Big Guy was busy shooting, well, you know:

18 holes.

And while BO had his functionaries spying on and punishing his enemies:

Putin did his own spying,

and just used his functionaries for the actual whack.

Who’s killing all the Russian dissidents? Is this a trick question?

So, in conclusion, despite who you voted for in yesterday’s Preliminary 2016 Presidential Poll, here’s some helpful drinking advice from each of our leading candidates:

How to drink like Putin:

1. Mix Stolichnaya vodka (2 parts) with the tears of Georgian nationalists (1 part) and the broken dreams of Russian democracy advocates (2 parts).

2. Gently shake.

3. Pour.

5. Sip while watching your most vocal opponents dig their own graves in the Siberian wilderness

h/t putinbearsitall   

How to drink like Barry:

Just suck it up.

This message was brought to you by Lady M’s coalition to drink more healthy water.

“I said, ‘drink up’ – it wasn’t a suggestion.”

Linked By:  Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and narciso on JustOneMinute, and @Standlow. @LadyLiberty1885, @JRealmo on twitter, and Rockee Andrew, Marilyn Matthew on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

This Week’s Presidential Tracking Poll

Big Guy’s Really Big Brain Posse believe they’ve (finally) found a way to nullify the 22nd Amendment, thereby enabling Low Information Voters, aka morons, to elect him to a third term as el Presidente. And as far as Team-Obama arguments go, the one they’ve made up for decertifying the 22nd Amendment is better than most. It concludes that since the 22nd Amendment was ratified BO (Before Obama), not only was it the result of a suppressed black vote, butt it also denied Big Guy himself the opportunity to vote “present” - ipso fatso, it doesn’t apply to him.

So maybe I’m jumping the gun just a wee bit with my first ever “Post-22nd Amendment Nullification Presidential Election Poll” which pits Big Guy, former “Leader of the Free World” against Vladimir Putin, the new “Leader of the Free World.” Oh, I know what you’re thinking: “MOTUS, isn’t that going to start a whole new round of birther trouble for everybody?” I don’t really think so. I think by now everybody’s either totally onboard with Obama’s eligibility, or has decided that it doesn’t really matter. Oh, you were talking about Pooty?! Well, that is a horse of another color.

Don’t worry, I think we can get around it. We’ve got friends in the Politburo of Birth Records. And like I said, most people don’t think it matters anyway.

As always, Chicago Rules are in effect: vote early, vote often. No ID required.

And now, I have to run. My niece is getting married in a few hours on a beautiful bluff overlooking Lake Michigan!

Since the wedding is outside on a sunny day next to a huge body of reflective water, naturally I packed by my standard issue sun deflection shield to avoid blinding the bride and groom:

Custom made blackout sun shades; can I say that?

Butt now I see it’s going to be unseasonably cool (damn you, Al Gorical!) so I have to hustle around to find something that will protect my circuits from the strong off-shore breezes and cool temperatures. I’d like something in a thermo-wrap that won’t make my butt look big. 

I’m liking this seasonal pumpkin shade I found at the nearby Cabelas, butt I don’t think it’s going to be cold enough for either the full thermal jacket or the the full thermal body wrap so I’m debating between the thermal vest and the thermal wrap skirt. Who knew I’d have so many choices!

I ask you, is America a great country, or what!?

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Abby L Call, Carol Hegarty on facebook, and @ValCSilver on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Keep Carrying that Water: the Elephants need it.

Memories of a world filled with freaks and clowns, with wonder and pain and anger and passion; a world with its own narrow, irrational rules, its own way of life, and its own way of death. (snip) …everyone in this third-rate circus was lucky to have any job at all. - synopsis, Water for Elephants.

Lady M has turned her attention to another aspect of our life that needs governmental attention: water consumption. Accordingly, she launched a nationwide campaign yesterday in Watertown, WI.

(Lady M) through her "Let's Move!" initiative, and the Partnership for a Healthier America are bringing together a coalition from industry, entertainment, media and government to get behind the campaign.

The tagline of the campaign is deceptively simple — Drink Up.

“I said, ‘drink up’”

A release from Michelle Obama's office said that according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, "More than 40% of Americans drink less than half of the recommended amount of water daily, and approximately one-fourth of children don't drink any water on any given day."

Some adults don’t drink any water either.

Sam Kass, the executive director of Let's Move!, said: "Our core messages are that drinking more water is the fastest and easiest choice that we can make every day. ...Water is the original energy drink. This is a really exciting, fun and very positive campaign that is really going to inspire people to drink more water."

Whatever

For example, did you know that playing sports outside in high temperatures without drinking adequate water can lead to dehydration? (signs: dry mouth, general disorientation)

Wow! Look at MO’s form! She should throw out the first ball for Big Guy.

In fact, even non-contact, indoors sports  like the Halo Toss requires proper hydration:

Lest you become delusional

Lack of water effects everything; your judgment, for example:

That’s funny, these gym clothes fit me perfectly this morning!

And bad judgment could lead you to chose all the wrong Forme Jacket Cuffins* for your activities:

• four-way stretch Luon® fabric wicks sweat away from post-practice skin
• fold over the cozy cuffins (cuff mittens - they're the best of both worlds) when your fingers get chilly
• dropped hem gives you more coverage in the rear
• secure zipper pockets for your phone, keys and cash
• thumbholes help your sleeves stay in place
• soft zipper garage helps keep your chin from getting chafed

Let’s just stipulate that four-way stretch anything on Lady M is a bad idea. Oh sure, it sounds like a good idea, what with those thumbholes to keep your sleeves in place. Butt unless there are big toe holes to hold your pants in place, I’m just telling you, they’re not a good idea for MO’s athletic build - if you catch my drift. Because if your clothes fit incorrectly (probably due to all that extra water weight) you will be uncomfortable, as will everyone around you.

Shaq: some people make you smaller 

There is an odd coalition of supporters for MO’s latest initiative; the Partnership for a Healthier America is a nonpartisan, nonprofit group with backing from the beverage industry, media, government and entertainers like Eva Longoria.

Eva: and some people make your larger – it’s the rabbit hole effect.

Butt file this under you can’t make everybody happy:

Environmental advocates say they're disappointed the campaign ignores concerns about plastic bottles ending up in waterways and reductions in federal funding for public water systems.

We applaud the first lady's initiative to encourage people to choose water over sugary beverages, but we do have concerns that this partnership is working in conjunction with the bottled water industry and wish that instead she were encouraging people to choose the much more affordable, more regulated option of tap water," said Emily Wurth, water program director for Food and Water Watch.

And, as always, there are critics who complain about all of Lady M’s good works, and cynics who question everything anybody does to save the world:

Nestle said the message that Americans don't drink enough water is questionable.

"I'm not aware of any nutrition science that backs that up ... there's so much water in food and in what people are eating that unless you're an elite athlete, at very high altitude or old where your thirst mechanism doesn't work very well, it's just simply a non-issue in my view," Nestle said.

It’s almost as if they think Lady M is just pimping these programs to promote an agenda, or something.

The latest campaign is backed by the American Beverage Association, which represents the makers of soft drinks, sports drinks, energy drinks and juices as well as bottled water, and the International Bottled Water Association.

Nestle said it actually helps the major soft drink companies, which have seen a decrease in soda sales and are investing heavily in promoting bottled water brands and other drinks, she said.

"This is a partnership with soda companies to promote their bottled waters," Nestle said.

I mean it’s not as if these companies are big campaign donors or anything, right? What? They are? Well, never mind.

In other news, this just in: Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been charged in France with proxénétisme aggravé or, as they say in Detroit, “aggravated pimping.” I’m not sure what that is, butt I’ll bet most of the people in our administration could be charged with it too.

Anyway, in parting, just remember Lady M’s wise words with respect to staying hydrated:

"Water is so basic, and because it is so plentiful, sometimes we just forget about it… Mrs. Obama said. "The truth is, water just gets drowned out."

We’re drowning here, people!

So all of you Obots out there: just keep drinking the Kool-Aide and carrying the water.

The elephants are counting on you.

(This one’s for you, Robin)

Linked By: Abby L Call on facebook, and @ValCSilver on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Death Comes to America

I see that 73% of the US casualties in our 12 year War in Afghanistan have occurred under the leadership of Our Nobel Peace Prize winner. Wow! Now that’s “Historic!”

How could that be, you ask? Some say it’s due to the new kinder, gentler, fairer, completely transformed rules of engagement imposed by our Nobel Laureate.

I guess these rules will apply to any new theatre of war we stumble into as well. Syria, for example, should our “bigger than a pinprick, smaller than a bee sting” PMS retaliation plan not work.

Or if we chose not to follow the advice of the the new world leader, Vladdie, the Putinator.

Yep, it looks like Pooty decided to use that “reset” button that Big Guy’s former Secretary handed over to him. He was just waiting for the right moment.

Hoisted by our own peregruzka

You did read Pooty’s “peace in our time” plan, didn’t you, published (where else?) in America’s newspaper of record?

This is historic; not since Khrushchev pounded his shoe on the desk at the UN has America been lectured by an ex-KGB agent. Surely that wasn’t the intended outcome of our new improved, big brained foreign policy?

So, shortly on the heels of calling Big Guy’s current Secretary, Jean Carré, a liar, Russian President Putin goes on record in our newspaper of record to lecture our President on his use of rhetorical flourishes:

I carefully studied his address to the nation on Tuesday. And I would rather disagree with a case he made on American exceptionalism, stating that the United States’ policy is “what makes America different. It’s what makes us exceptional.” It is extremely dangerous to encourage people to see themselves as exceptional, whatever the motivation.

Goodness; forgive me for saying so, but doesn’t that seem a bit arrogant; dismissive, even derisive on his part? It’s almost as if Pooty is committed to pushing every one of Big Guy’s buttons – and as you know, he has lots of buttons.

Market segmentation plan of Obama-for-America

I think our plan, so far, is to ignore him. And maybe start looking for a new marketing manager who can more effectively get our new message out:

War is Peace.

Freedom is slavery.

Ignorance is truth.

Got that? Good. We’ll be back with further instructions tomorrow.

Obama: Winning The Future since Khrushchev buried us.

Oh, and I nearly forgot: Lady M will be in Watertown today, promoting, wait for it…drinking water! Clever, no? Our PR director is going to get a big raise for thinking this one up. By government standards that’s a full scale bee stinger.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Helene Fagan Bidwell, Abby L Call, Mireille Buser, Sharon Cox, William J. Green, Clint Counts, Sandy Peterson on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network