A Pen, a Phone, a Ladder, TOTUS: Can Leadership Be Far Behind?

I have to make it short today, as I need to ensure that my batteries are fully charged and that I have plenty of backup. I need to be prepared to handle anything, as I never know what I’m going to need to contend with at the SOTU.

Plus, it always seems like the SOTU runs for hours - sort of like a Hollywood awards show.

Come to think of it, the SOTU is an awards show!

“And the prize goes to…BARACK!!!!”

 

“I’d like to thank anyone who helped me kill Osama bin Laden, butt I can’t remember who you are.”

I’ve got to run now: Raj has been tasked with providing the props for tonight’s SOTU and I promised to help. He’s trying to locate a Pen-in-a-Phone that Big Guy can wave around on the podium to illustrate his new leadership style.

“With a pen and a phone, I will rule you.”

It’s not that Raj hasn’t been able to find a pen-in-phone, he’s actually lined up several different models:

Butt they’re all made in China, and Big Guy specifically requested one that’s union made.

We’re still efforting that request.

Be sure to tune in tonight when we will answer the question: “Can POTUS and TOTUS sell the public on a Pen and Phone President?”

“I think we need to add a few rungs to your pedestal, TOTUS; that’ll turn you into a ‘ladder of opportunity.’ We’ll call you the “Stairway to Heaven.” 

Linked By: The Crawdad Hole, Scott Wayt, Abby L Call, Swan Spirit, Clint Counts on facebook, and @petefrt on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Video Killed the Radio Star.Teleprompters Killed…

Yes, I stayed up late and watched the 56th Annual Grammy Awards so you didn’t have to. You’re welcome. I felt that watching the annual freak show would be good conditioning for tomorrow’s State Of The Union (SOTU).  I was not wrong…about the freak show anyway.

Before I begin, I’d like to acknowledge the prescience of the Buggles who accurately predicted the migration of the music industry from being about the “song” to being about the “performance” back in 1978 with their  hit “Video killed the radio star.”  To this day, their jingle-tune is best remembered as the video that launched the nascent MTV network.

So, in honor of the totally transformed music industry, allow me to present the highlights from last night’s self-serving honors program. We begin with Beyoncé's behind:

Bey, Channeling Flashdance

Right out of the box, Beyoncé owned the night. After a solo, sexed up version of Flashdance she and Jay Z

Getting ready to twerk for the money 

twerked to their hit, Drunk in Love (expletives deleted). Bey – the woman Lady M considers a great role model for her girls – began by singing - well, “grinding” might be more accurate - in some sort of a black cage that also served as a costume. Here it is in motion:

The artists formerly known as Beyoncé and Jay Z will now be referred to as Beyon-Zay

Yeah, no. The entire act was even more disturbing than the gif, butt that’s the point: music as art, art as music and art isn’t art at all if if doesn’t offend somebody. What is it they call that kind of art again?  Oh, right; pornography.

Someday Baby Blue Ivy will be so proud. As for Lady M and that role model thing, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure Mommy doesn’t want Malia and Sasha to be sluts and whores, so maybe it was just her way of crediting Bey with providing the second time in her adult life that she was proud of her country.

Butt that was just the beginning. The award show originally dedicated to musical recording artists proceeded as more of a nod to the visual arts than the audial ones. Take Pink’s bizarre act which was a cross between the flying Mirandas and Cirque de Soleil: more acrobatics (she’s flexible butt mediocre) than singing. Let’s face it, even lip syncing while hanging upside down doesn’t sound or look natural.

Although I do admire her flexibility and strength: maybe she should just can the singing career and go for Olympic endorsements.

And then there was “Pharrell” who you knew was going to win everything because he kept popping up all night long with nearly anyone who performed. Apparently it’s “black tie optional” at the Grammys these days: Pharrell wore red leather and a really, really big hat:

Which immediately prompted this Tweet:

Pharrell, who is a singer and a producer, performed with his robots (just like BO will tomorrow):

Daft Punk’s electro-techno robots

And of course, the material girl was there: Madonna practically invented the modern musical version of sex as performance art.  She came with her son.

 Okay, that’s disturbing.

As if that poseur wasn’t bad enough, Madge later changed into a wedding white Ralph Lauren tuxedo to serenade the 33 newly married (by Queen Latifa!) couples (gay AND straight, because we’re not bigots) with her classic "Open Your Heart."  Her act followed the performance of rap duo Macklemore &  Lewis singing their gay marriage anthem "Same Love."  Yeah! 33 couples hitched, right there at the 56th Grammy Awards! Now that’s music!

Is it just me or does anyone else think Madonna is beginning to look like Marlena Dietrich? 

And I almost forgot! This is huge: Sir Pall McCartney actually performed, on stage, with Ringo! Starr! It was the First Beatle Reunion- evah! Unfortunately there are only two of the Beatles left.

Although Jon’s son, Sean, could have sat in for his dad:

What was especially cool about the reunion was that after their respective White House visits, everyone decided to give peace a chance: after 30 years of feuding, Paul and Ringo have buried the hatchet and forgiven Yoko Ono (so maybe it will work in the Middle East after all!) And you can tell this made Yoko very happy as she was groovin’ to the ex-Beatles music. Although, I swear, as I watched her, Yoko looked for all the world like the fake signer at Big Guy’s speech at Mandela’s funeral. What do you think?

Butt I nearly forgot the very best part of the show! In a homage to Lady M, Ryan Lewis (of the rap duo Macklemore and Lewis, above) wore a nearly identical outfit to the smashing one MO sported at the Nickelodeon People’s Choice awards last year! How incredibly cool is that?

Okay, I think I’m in shape for the SOTU tomorrow. I’m renaming it the “Teleprompters Killed the Orator Guy”

NOTE: For more on this topic be certain to read Mark Steyn’s vintage essay, Twenty Years Ago Today in which he shares his, and Harold Bloom’s, take on “popular culture.” 

“What happens when, instead of beautiful men making beautiful statues, angry men make angry songs? “Keepin’ it real,” in the current black vernacular, means the rapper Nelly making a video in which he swipes a credit card through his ho’s butt. “Keepin’ it real” means songs in which men are “angry” (as John Kerry says) and violent and nihilistic, and women are “sluts, bobbing chicken heads, and of course bitches.” “Authenticity” is surely a more reductive view of the black experience than your average nineteenth-century minstrel show ever attempted. I think we can guess how Nat “King” Cole would have felt about gangsta rap.”

ANSWER TO TITLE CLIFF HANGER: Teleprompters killed…who? Or, more accurately, what? Great communicators: they communicate from the heart, not the scrolling page.

Caption This

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Neo-Neocon, and DeniseVB on The Crawdad Hole, and Abby L Call, Kent Clizbe, Fred Hopkins, Sally Culp on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

No Racism, No Sexism: Just Dancing in Our Judgment Free Zone.

Wendy Davis – The Most Judged Woman in America?  Certainly NOT! That distinction belongs exclusively to Lady M.

A woman who – from the time she became FLOTUS-in waiting - has been judged on everything:

From her posture:

h/t Cripes Suzette

To her, uh, “grasp” of proper protocol:

Quelle horreur!!

And her fashion decorum, whether at work:

Posthumous Medal of Honor ceremony in honor of Sergeant First Class Jared Monti.

on vacation,

or at play:

Butt who wouldn’t want to be this haut??

 

Then there was all the judging done about her new hair:

Quelle horreur!!

and the endless judging of her dancing skills:

A Titanic Twerk

as well as her Kardashian-esque clothing selections that showcase her, uh, greatest asset:

(I realize I haven’t come close to doing this category justice, feel free to post your own fave.)

Of course all this judging is due solely to the sexist Republicans. Just like it is with that sweet, sweet Wendy Davis. Just because she ditched her kids - an ultimately the husband who raised them - to pursue her own ambitious goals doesn’t make her a bad person. That is altogether something else.

So let’s be clear: the only reason people criticize Lady M or Wendy is because, 1) RACIST! or, 2) WAR ON WOMEN!

Because it’s not repeat, NOT, a reaction to the fawning media that had made Lady M into a Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ and turned little Wendy into a world class heroine and role model. As LukeHandCool commented on Professor Jacobson’s fine post:

“We all know many, if not most, politicians exaggerate and embellish their life stories. We get that.

But (and this is a big, big, butt^*) … the media made her into a huge, huge heroine, like they were heroin addicts who couldn’t get enough Wendy and wanted to forcibly inject Wendy into our veins, also.

As with Barack Obama … if the media is going to try to transform some mediocrity into the greatest political figure since Churchill and shove her down our throats … expect some huge pushback.

For every action there is a reaction. And when the media subjects us to a huge action of its cheerleading … there will be a strong reaction … especially in the wake of the Obama “smartest leader ever” debacle.”

^* footnote: You don’t suppose LukeHandCool is one of us, do you?

Butt don’t forget:  RACISM! SEXISM! WAR ON WOMEN!

And if you’re thinking “hypocrisy” right now, it’s probably because you’re a SEXIST! Or, worse, a RACIST! So let’s try harder people: do we really need to be so judgmental?

I think not.

So just knock it off! And dance.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Teri O’Brien, and Abby L Call, Kent Clizbe, Susana Patrick, Bob Hettinga on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

The Cheese Stands Alone. (Not because it’s so smelly)

It’s certainly not the first time we’ve celebrated cheese around here (see: “Rats Jump Ship; All that Remains is de Brie” - a don’t-miss rerun from the MOTUS vault) butt did you see that we’re having an official Big Cheese Day at the White House? 

Isn’t every day Big Cheese Day around here?

“On Wednesday, January 29th, with a nod to history (and maybe the TV show the West Wing), the Obama Administration is hosting the first-ever virtual "Big Block of Cheese Day," during which dozens of White House officials will take to social media for a day long 'open house' to answers questions from everyday Americans in real-time on Twitter,Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram and via Google+ Hangout.”

Yes, Big Guy’s Big White will be following in the footsteps of the lesser presidencies of Thomas Jefferson:

"The greatest cheese in America for the greatest man in America."

This was the motto on the box containing the mammoth cheese sent to Thomas Jefferson at the White House on the first day of January, 1802. It was a gift from a number of foreign-born citizens of Pennsylvania, who sent it to the President in token of their appreciation of his annual message setting forth his views on naturalization. The cheese was made in West Chester, Massachusetts, and weighed 1,235 pounds. From West Chester it was drawn to Washington in a wagon pulled by six horses, taking many weeks for the journey. When it reached the White House, ceremonies were held and Mr. Jefferson made a speech in which he said he would accept the cheese provided the donors would permit him to pay two hundred dollars for it, or fifty percent more than its market price. [ed: PAY for it? What a schmuck!]

and Andrew Jackson,

Jackson also received a number of large cheeses, which were "set out" as a form of refreshment for White House guests. Andrew Jackson's cheese came from a dairyman named Meacham, of Sandy Creek, New York. At the White House reception on Washington's Birthday, this gift to President Jackson had a conspicuous place, the incident being described by a chronicler of the day thus:

"It had been officially given out that the President's mansion would be thrown open to the people on this day, and that they would be entertained with a cheese, four feet in diameter, two feet thick and weighing fourteen hundred pounds, a cheese which beats the great cheese that was made an offering to Mr. Jefferson, as the most appropriate present the farming class could tender to the President."

Wallace and Gromit “cheese in on” Andrew Jackson’s first Big White “Big Cheese” Google+Hangout

I can’t tell you much about the actual cheese-in other than it will offer up plenty of stinky cheeses:

Cheese turds curds:

Specialty house cheeses:

Officially the smelliest cheese in the world

and maybe even a little vintage whine wine to go with it:

Interesting wine selection, I wonder what cheese it goes best with?

 

1 in 5 households on Food Stamps

Anyway, be sure to save the date, January 29th, for the maiden voyage of the virtual good ship Free Cheese:

All aboard! Enjoy the trip. Especially the first part, as I hear it doesn’t end well.

Butt it’s not the captain’s fault.

So, one last reminder: SAVE THE DATE! YOU SURE DON’T WANT TO MISS THIS!!!

Because I hear he’s going to offer a new solution for our economic woes: more cheese.

 

Linked By: Doug Powers, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Susana Patrick, Abby L Call on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

“If by some chance an honest man like yourself made enemies they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you.”

Did you see Lady M’s “shout out” to Big Guy’s dedicated “grassroots army?”

Not only was it an opportunity to thank OBOTS everywhere, butt it provided the little people with the first up close and personal look at the rest of the presents MO got from Big Guy for her Fabulous 50 birthday:

An eyebrow lift and new eyebrows:

Eyebrows from the exclusive road kill caterpillar line

a little lip enhancement:

Lips from the duckbill collection

and a bit of a cheek lift with filler:

Cheeks from the chipmunk pouch-filler collection

Unfortunately, the little eye is congenital and while we try out best to minimize it with makeup, the difference in size is still discernable - even when we blink:

Butt back on message: Lady M went to the video tape on the OFA’s first birthday to thank all of the little people who made it possible.

Technically it was the first anniversary of OFA’s transformation from Organizing For America - Big Guy’s grass roots campaign machine - to Organizing for Action – Big Guy’s grass roots political action and propaganda machine.

MO told the OFA volunteers “You’ve truly been bringing the change we all believe in.” {{{subliminal OBOT message alert:contribute NOW! }}}}  She went on to express her appreciation for all the OFA volunteers dedicated to promoting Boo-rock’s progressive agenda: the complete transformation of America through socialized medicine, gun control, immigration “reform” and environmental actions to control global climate change by shutting down conventional energy production and replacing it with government funded alternative energy. Like algae.

“So we take these surplus Solyndra solar cells, see? And we use them to fuel algae farms and before you know it we can replace cornahol with the much greener algae-fuel. Then the EPA mandates the use of biofuels in 75% of all new vehicles. Got that?”

Lady M’s multiple “ata-boys” and smiles of sincerely feigned gratitude alone would have been enough to keep the troops humping  BO’s flagging progressive policies for another year. Butt there’s more. All members in good standing of the Community Organizer in Chief’s official propaganda arm are now being duly deputized: we’ve finally got that “civilian national security force that’s just as powerful, just as strong, just as well funded as the military!”

  And as you can see, the boys are pretty excited about it. Or at least the Armani uniforms.

So Happy Birthday/Aniversary OFA! You’re Won year old! As a small memento BO has ordered the IRS to grant you a 501(c)4 “social welfare” designation! That authorizes you to raise unlimited amounts of money from any type of donor - individual, corporation or union – and funnel it wherever, without ever having to disclose your your donors!.

You’re welcome! And don’t think for a minute that getting your 501(c) isn’t a big f-ing deal. If you don’t believe me just ask the Hollywood conservative group “Friends of Abe” or any Teahadist organization. Not only do they not qualify for this special IRS designation, but upon further investigation they may well be  prosecuted for other, unrelated charges.

“And if by some chance an honest man like yourself made enemies they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you.” Don Corleone, The Godfather

 

Because the enemies of my friends are my enemies…or something.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Abby L Call, Sharon Cox, Far North Dallas Tea Party Patriots on facebook, and @TurdBurglestein on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network