“The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” Tonight...What will it be tomorrow?

To paraphrase an old Oldsmobile ad campaign, the New Tonight Show is not your Father’s Old Tonight Show:

Fallon, who is eyed a bit warily by some Republicans, had first lady Michelle Obama on Thursday — they have a chemistry between them —

Something Like Oxygen and Magnesium: OMg!

after launching his new show on Monday. He said recently that his show will not be the place to go for in-depth interviews with politicians and candidates.

Oh noes! No more in-depth slow-jamming the news with the Prezzie?

“Fallon’s slimmed-down diet of politics may not be a bad thing, said Erik Smith, Obama’s senior adviser for advertising and message development during the 2008 and 2012 campaigns. As opposed to what Smith called a “sense of cynicism” toward politics that Leno and Letterman exhibit in their monologues,”

Like this:

"The president spoke today on the Obamacare website glitches. He said he's bringing in "the best and the brightest" to solve the problem. Why didn't he bring in the best and the brightest in the first place? See, this is typical Washington. They only bring in the best and the brightest as a last resort." –Jay Leno

“Fallon’s skits and stunts — like the “slow jam” — bring out a softer side of a candidate and are more likely to go viral.”

I don’t know about you, butt I’ve had enough viruses these past five years to last a lifetime.

So with that by way of deep background, Lady M’s Thursday night appearance on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon makes more sense: her “softer side” is going viral around the world.

Because who can resist a video of the FLOTUS in a three-way hand-hug and twerking fest with 2 guys dressed in teenage drag? “Ew!”

Note to Erik Smith, Big Guy’s “senior adviser for advertising and message development,”  soft or not, it’s probably not a good idea for the FLOTUS to insult the very millennials (who voted for her husband) she’s trying to persuade to sign up for Obamacare by calling them knuckleheads. Leave that to Charles Barkley.

Or at least Frank Caliendo channeling Charles Barkley

Of course I could be overreacting: maybe the mils didn’t even notice. They could be so busy following their bliss they don’t even care.

So: the torch has been passed: from the old guy who took a few potshots at the sitting president to the new guy who “has a chemistry” with the First Lady.

All I know is that so far the new Tonight show has been painfully UN-funny. I hope that’s part of a bigger plan, because – while I hate to bring this up – that whole Oldsmobile campaign about the new Olds not being “your father’s” car didn’t end well (RIP). And you know why? Because their tag line was correct: the new Olds wasn’t your father’s Olds:

Your father’s Oldsmobile Cutlass 442 was WAY better!

I’m not drawing any parallels or anything; I just reflect, you decide.

H/T to STTF for concept

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Michelle Obama Twerks With the “Girls,” and More Historical Firsts!

“Ew!”

Yes, Jimmy Fallon’s big “get” with Lady M was aired last night. The New York Daily News described it thusly:

“Michelle Obama is hilarious, gorgeous alongside Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell on 'Tonight Show'”

The WaPo said:

They’ve already mom-danced and potato-sack-raced, so the logical step for Michelle Obama and Jimmy Fallon was to… squeal like teenage girls?

Sure. Because how else do you make the FLOTUS accessible to the highly desirable 18- 34 demographic that we need to pitch Obamacare to?  The skit was a guys-in-drag makeover of the old SNL classic Wayne’s World, except, not funny. Either that or I don’t know how to appeal to the desirable demographic, which I suppose is a possibility.

Anyway, the skit, including Will Ferrell, was set up as a Valley Girl sleepover and was titled “Ew!”  That pretty much sums it up. I’d say “watch it” butt I can’t, in good conscience, advise that.

It included a dance party, with plenty of twerking:

Not surprisingly, Lady M was the best!

After the hilarious skit, Lady M chatted it up with Jimmy, about the White House and “stuff” including the Wee Wons, who she said “want nothing to do with us (the Obamas).” She said that they just want to be left alone so they can “be normal.”

They sound just like the rest of us.

For the interview, in case you were unable to tune in for whatever reason, we wore palazzo pants, a sleeveless (because it is February) scooped-and-draped neck top anchored to our pants with our favorite radial tire boob belt.

Another historical first: Lady M is the first First Lady ever to utter the phrase, “Yo, babe. Hook me up” in public.

Then we talked about the importance of signing up for Obamacare, duh, and No Child’s Fat Behind. Other than that, the only thing we learned from last night’s appearance is that MO’s first job was in a book bindery. It was a job she found to be so “ew!” that it “sent her ‘schtrait to college’.” If I understood her correctly, she managed to perform the brain numbing work in the bindery for 2 whole weeks in order to develop an appreciation for the little people who do this kind of work every day of their lives, like her Dad.

During that time she also concluded that, instead of being one of the little people, she wanted to attend Princeton and Harvard Law School in order to get her Juris Doctorate so that one day she could “voluntarily surrender” her law license in order to follow her real bliss.

“How’s that workin’ out for your?”

And the rest, as they say, is history. I’m sure Martha Washington, and Johnny Carson, would be proud.

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Winter: Who Predicts it Better - The Government or the Farmers?

Nobody in Washington even saw it coming! Winter, I mean.

“Surprised by how tough this winter has been? You’re in good company: Last fall the Climate Prediction Center of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration predicted that temperatures would be above normal from November through January across much of the Lower 48 states.”

If I’d known it was going to be so cold, I might have signed up for Obamacare, or at least bought some gloves.

In fact, your Government completely mis-predicted this winter’s weather.

The center grades itself on what it calls the Heidke skill score, which ranges from 100 (perfection) to -50 (monkeys throwing darts would have done better). October’s forecast for the three-month period of November through January came in at -22.Truth be told, the September prediction for October-December was slightly worse, at -23.

That’s about the same as the average temperature across much of the Midwest and Northeast for the same 3 month period. Apparently this problem was caused by a familiar Washington hob-goblin:

“The main cause in both cases was the same: Underestimating the mammoth December cold wave,”

Sure enough, that would do it. Although for some reason “mis-underestimating” is a lot funnier when you’re talking about the George W. Bush years than when you’re talking about the Obama years -

in which case it’s about as funny as a 40 vehicle pile-up. Or an icy Atlanta road inundated with recidivist ice.

Butt not everyone mis-underestimated this winter’s velocity. Do you know who got it right? The dumb, old fashioned, un-scientific (by post-modern science standards) predictable Farmer’s Almanac, that’s who.

Nor did it take long for the more sophisticated prognosticators at the Washington Post to have a field day when the Farmer’s Almanac’s predictions came out last August - probably because they had already read the official Government  Forecast for the Winter of 2013-14:

“The Farmers’ Almanac is generating a tremendous amount of buzz around a “C-O-L-D” winter forecast.  And it’s ratcheting up the hype by forecasting a “Super Storm” for Super Bowl XLVIII at the Meadowlands in New Jersey.  But its forecast is baseless and lacks credibility.”

The Meadowlands, just ahead of Super Bowl Sunday, filled with baseless hype that needs to be removed.

What a hoot, no? The dumb old Farmer’s Almanac predicted a cold winter! When just about everyone knows we’re immersed in global warming. Is everyone LOL yet?  The WaPo surely was; they continued their mockery of “the old ones’ ways.”

“If you believe it, residents of the Plains to the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast may want to start stocking up on warm weather gear, snow shovels, and salt right now! The Farmers’ Almanac is calling for a “bitterly cold” winter for much of the region.

Yes, the Farmers’ Almanac believes that the ‘days of shivery’ are back, says the Farmer’s Almanac press release.

‘…fans, players, and travelers alike may want to leave a few days early and pack extra warm, waterproof weather gear,’ the Almanac’s press release advises.”

(snip)

Take the Almanac with a huge grain of salt.”

Salt Piles, awaiting clearance to be shipped to the Eastern Seaboard

Do so at your own peril I’d say. And by the way, I understand there’s a huge demand right now for road salt. I hope Homeland Security releases it soon.

Finally the WaPo “Capital Weather Gang” wrapped up their August article with this huge heresy:

“Let me state emphatically that no one – with any degree of accuracy – can predict the specific days when cold snaps or storms will occur months in advance.”

Oh reall-y! Perhaps they’ve never heard of a little thing called…globull warming.

Oh sure, I hear the critics now: “Weather and climate are two totally different things, MORON!” Which always makes for a fun argument on the blogs, however, I should note that the government’s official winter forecast – which cost way more than the Farmer’s Almanac’s - was not based on short term weather forecasting models, butt rather the same type of long range climate models that they use to develop their long term “climate change” forecasts.

Tsk: that’s not so good for the would be masters of the universe who would have us hand over the keys to the kingdom to the United Nations in order to redistribute the carbon credits that made Al Gorlione so rich.

So what’s the take away from today’s lesson? It’s a riddle:  Who can you trust: a) your Government (If you like your plan, you can keep your plan. Period.” or b) The Farmer’s Almanac, who just predicts the weather for fun and a little profit?

Choose wisely, weedhopper.

Mysterious crop circles appearing along the southern border: some blame global warming.

Before I go, here’s a quick look at what’s ahead for the rest of the week:

• Watch for Bo in Mexico to talk trade – touchy subject; the last time somebody talked trades with the Mexicans a whole passel of guns went missing and many people died. Maybe he can fix that.
• Olympics in Sochi. (woo-hoo! we’ve got more medals than the Ruski’s – not that anyone’s counting)
• And tomorrow, Lady M on the new and improved Tonight show - now with 99% fewer Obama jokes! Which is one of the primary reasons Lady M will be appearing on Jimmy Fallon’s show to help bolster his first week’s ratings. Think of it as another fair trade deal.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Abby L Call, Kent Clizbe, Janet Moorhead, Charlotte Crain, Susana Patrick on facebook, and @ValCSilver on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Sub-Par Obama: There’s a 12 Step Program for That Now

Is it just me? I’ve noticed a distinct slump in Team Obama morale lately:

It seems that Santa Monica California, which is hosting a PGA tournament this week at the Riviera Country Club, has been photo-bombed with what can only be described as anti-Obama street art. In a simple one word message – “sub-par” – some ironic artiste papered the town with a very judgmental analysis of Big Guy’s performance to date.

Granted, “sub par” in golf may be considered a good thing (that’s the ironic part, in case you’re not paying attention) butt in this context I don’t think it means what Big Guy thinks it means. The truth is that in all other fields of endeavor - government contracting for example – “subpar” is shorthand for crappy. So how else am I to interpret this street “art” other than as some sort of major stress fracture in our esprit de corps?  What happened to our joie de vivre? We seem to be missing a certain je ne sais quoi that was a given just a few short months ago. It’s almost as if people are finally waking up from a long, 5 year bender and are surprised to find a stranger in their bathroom.

I think Gerard may have the only known cure for this serious cultural malaise - here’s a small sample from his Obamaholics Anonymous Twelve Step Program:

1. We admitted that like crazed pale metrosexuals we were powerless over Obama huffing, puffing, and fluffing — that our political lives had become unmanageable, bereft of truth, justice, and integrity.

(snip)

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and saw how continually conned we were to believe that this hybrid charlatan was in the game for anything other than his own enrichment, power, and aggrandizement.

(snip)

8. Made a list of 317+ million Americans we had harmed by our stupid, stupid, selfish, and -- dare we say? -- braindead votes for Obama (twice because, yes, we were just that stupid), and became willing to make amends to them all.

Hey, what a coincidence! I’m with stupid too!

Because it’s a 12 step program, and won’t work unless you do all 12, be sure to read them all.

And in case you need an example of what the street artist responsible for this covert campaign means by “sub par” let’s check in with the “wonkiest wonk” in Washington, Jason Furman. As you may recall, he’s the Chairman of the White House’s Council of Economic Advisers who advised us that the Congressional Budget Office prediction that 2.5 million people will leave the work force by 2024 as a result of Obamacare is a good thing because it means they will have a “choice” to follow their bliss. Sub par explanation, Jason. Period.

Or you could reference Mr, Wonky-Wonk’s “further explanation” of the CBO’s current bad news, regarding  Barry’s latest Executive Order which unilaterally (ha! remember when we used to hate unilateral?) raised the minimum wage that federal contractors are required to pay by a reasonable 40%, to $10.10/hr. While the CBO said it could result in the loss of 500,000 jobs, Mr. Wonky-Wonk disagrees:

“Our view is that zero is a perfectly reasonable estimate of the impact of raising the minimum wage on employment,”

And my view is that half a million sounds like a perfectly reasonable estimate of the impact of raising the minimum wage by 40% – butt who ya gonna’ believe – me, the non-partisan CBO or the Chairman of Big Guy’s White House Council of Economic Advisers?  And before you answer let me remind you that Mr. Wonky-Wonk went to Harvard, is friends with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck and is therefore way, way smarter than you are:

At an event late last month in Washington, Furman displayed a chart showing how food stamps and other social programs had lowered poverty dramatically over the past half century. This was a big success, he said.

But the graph also showed that the economy itself had done nothing for the poor: Only government dollars had…

“When a few of you are here 50 years from now to talk about the 100th anniversary of the War on Poverty, if they show a graph that looks a lot like that,” Furman told the crowd, “. . . we will have really failed as an economy and as a society.”

So…apparently the first 50 years of sub par performance in the War on Poverty is not enough to allow us to be judgmental? We need 50 more years of sub par performance?  And what do we do then – declare victory and move to Canada?

I think I will now officially lower my expectations for the results of the street artist protest movement in Santa Monica.

Sub Par for sure, butt what difference, at this point, does it make?

 

The NEW American Standard

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

We’re all Bozos on this Bus

Catastrophic droughts and winter snow storms caused by Global Warming, childhood obesity, school bullying, nuclear Iran, gay marriage, phony scandals up the wazoo, and an impending doctor shortage due to the vagaries of Obamacare  - and now this? - “National clown shortage may be approaching, trade organizations fear.” What kind of a cruel joke is this? Just as we need circuses more than ever to distract the plebes, we have a clown shortage?

Membership at the country’s largest trade organizations for the jokesters has plunged over the past decade as declining interest, old age and higher standards among employers align against Krusty, Bozo and their crimson-nosed colleagues.

I would suspect this was another manufactured Republican scare story designed to destroy Big Guy’s policies if it weren’t such a perfect argument for letting more illegal aliens in to do the work Americans won’t do.

“What’s happening is attrition,” said Clowns of America International President Glen Kohlberger…. “The older clowns are passing away.”

 

Don’t let those little ones out of your sight, they might decide to be engineers or accountants instead, and apparently we need more clowns.

With the imposition of higher standards for clowns these days; even those with a college degree in clowning can’t seem to meet private employers employers’ expectations.

“No longer is it good enough to just drop your pants and focus on boxer shorts.”

Yeah, that used to guarantee  you’d get a rise out of the audience..

And while it never seemed to get old,

I guess it’s only good enough for government work now days. And believe it or not, there are no more openings for government clowns; the shortage appears to be strictly a private sector problem.

Kohlberger said that it’s difficult getting younger people who develop an early interest in the many facets of clowning to stick with it on the professional level.

Oh come on, how many “facets of clowning” can there be? Drop trou, show us your boxers; put on your funny red nose and big floppy shoes, everybody has a good laugh, the end. Right?

Besides we still have a few youngsters who are willing to beclown themselves for the greater good, Anthony Weiner for example. He seems a natural: he’s got that rubber face thing going for him.

And he’s sure got the parade drill down pat:

And everyone knows about his “drop trou, show the boxers” routine.

Eeeuuu! No wonder this doesn’t work as well as it used to

Joining Anthony in the women’s division of the younger clown set is ex-Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm, who outdid herself in the 2012 beclowning competition at the DNC:

Butt then, she’s been an understudy for a major government clown since the 80’s when she made her professional clown debut as a contestant on “The Dating Game.”

Because what says “I want to be considered a serious female Democratic politician” like appearing as a bimbo on a tasteless game show?

She could maybe give Debbie Wasserman Schultz a few pointers, although DWS is doing a pretty good job on her own; she already seems like a game show host to me.

All I can say is until such time as we have a plan in place to ward off this potentially disastrous private sector clown shortage, maybe we should stop firing the perfectly good ones we’ve got.

 

Hey, I’ve got an idea! How about we re-write Obamacare to include a free scholarship to clown college for every young invincible who signs up for Obamacare! Talk about finding your bliss.

Two birds, one stone, Bam! I think just hanging around Big Guy is beginning to wear off on me. Maybe I can convince him to give me some executive powers too. That way, whenever I think I have a good idea I can just execute an Executive Order and see if it works out.

I really don’t mind helping out around here; in fact, I think I would rather enjoy the power of the pen, just like Bozo does.

Butt I assure you, one thing we definitely do not have around here is a shortage of clowns.

P.S. We’re back from our ski vacation in Aspen. It was a blast. And here’s photographic evidence that Lady M actually skied.

Yeah, I know it looks just like last year’s picture. And the one before. We only have one ski outfit. Nice form though, no?

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

The Briefcase Returns to End Our Malaise: Boom-Chuck-A-Luck-A

Big Guy went to Sunnylands, the former Annenberg estate at Rancho Mirage, last week to command the oceans to recede faster in order to end California’s drought caused by global warming. He also called for more federal dollars for a "climate resilience fund" to pay for “research, preparation and infrastructure to deal with  extreme weather and new conditions associated with shifts in the weather” (also known as “seasons”).

“Yeah, I need about a billion dollars for snowplows in California.Know anybody who can do that?”

It’s all part of his "Climate Action Plan" that Big Guy unveiled last summer, and if Congress won’t act on it to end  California’s drought, he might have to take action on his own and impose a country-wide water ban.

 
Although I don’t think Lady M is going to like that very much:

 From our “Keep Carrying that Water- the Elephants need it” campaign

Anyway,  Big Guy says that global warming has caused  California’s reservoirs to dry up and only the government can save them. Others contend that, well, that’s not true:

Actually, the problem for Central Valley farmers is that their water got taken from them by a federal judge, who put a baitfish ahead of human beings. Central Valley’s water-management system was designed to deal with droughts that last as long as five years, but the reservoirs that held its lifeblood got emptied into the ocean to rescue the Delta smelt. It began five years ago, and as Investors Business Daily reports, the locals remember it better than Obama does (read the whole thing).

Butt frankly, don’t take any of this global warming/drought stuff too seriously; it was just an excuse – as was the meeting with King Abdullah, to come out west to play golf with some of the boy friends from back in the day. And what a swell place to hook up! Sunnylands, now more or less appropriated by Barry as Camp David West for diplomatic meetings - and golf, of course.

Last June’s meeting here with Chinese President Xi Jingping worked out so well we decided to do it again. The two presidents met, discussed some important high level diplomatic stuff and then we hustled Xi out of here to make room for the 3 buddies from Hawaii ( Mike Ramos, Bobby Titcomb and Greg Orme) and a weekend of golf. Same deal this time: met with King Abdullah II, discussed some important stuff, and then got him the hell out there to make room for the buddies big golf weekend. It’s seriously nice work if you can get it.

Sunnylands golf course, Rancho Mirage

I just hope Big Guy isn’t getting too used to all of these casual tie-free meetings however. First, we saw the Casual Won with the uptight O’Reilly in the superbowl interview, and now tieless with King Abdullah:

Because I’ve been reading in the Wall Street Journal that casual may be over. Men are moving back to more formal dress: something to do with a reactionary backlash that happens whenever you have an extended economic downturn. Apparently people are beginning to think of 5+ years of economic malaise as “extended.”

Anyway, not only are 3 piece suits said to be making a comeback, butt guess what else? Briefcases! Now that’s a welcome trend. “Messenger” bags and gym bags just don’t seem to telegraph an “I’m serious about this job” vibe, which is important if you’re carrying the nuclear football, if you know what I’m saying:

BRIEFCASES ARE SERIOUS. Always have been. It's hard to imagine the daily nuclear launch codes, which traditionally have accompanied the POTUS in a briefcase, being shoved into a messenger bag.

The idea of Don Draper carrying a gym bag into Sterling Cooper & Partners is downright incongruous.

The Don Draper Barbie collection, complete with fedora and briefcase

People who know about these things weighed in with some very strident opinions:

"Should a man wearing a suit carry a proper, equivalently formal, ergo, style-appropriate, briefcase?" said Alan Flusser, a custom tailor and author of "Dressing the Man: Mastering the Art of Permanent Fashion." "If he's interested in projecting an in-command, finished look, I would opt for 'yes.' "

Others, like Cliff Moskowitz, owner of a a private-equity firm (aka “vulture capitalist”) in New York, put it more directly:

“If a guy has a gym bag, I assume he's going to the gym.”

So much for that assumption...

“If he has a backpack, I assume he doesn't care.”

Bingo!

Okay, point taken, Cliff.

Butt what are we to conclude if a man has…his own bag man?

Or he’s toting takeout?

Or has a spouse in a potato bag…no wait, that’s a different post.

Or what if, say, a man really doesn’t need a bag at all? What if all he really needs is a phone? And a pen?

 

I don’t know. Maybe it’s time to rewind? Just in time? Maybe we need to find an old soul who can carry both a brief case and gym bag – at the same time?

And not make it appear as though it’s a burden?

A man who will use his pen only to sign laws duly passed by Congress (which he’s read), not to write his own.

I’ve no idea where we can find a man like that around here, butt if you spot one, let me know. Because briefcases are definitely back in style. And Lord knows, we could use a little style around here.

Boom-Chuck-A-Luck-A. Warning: Skip this video at your own peril. It’s Monday, and you need it.

The Fred Hill Brief Case Drill Team: Detroit Thanksgiving Day Parade, 1993

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network