New Birther Controversy: A Festivus For The Rest of Us

Excellent! We have our first Cruz Birther Suit.

We all remember the questions regarding Big Guy’s eligibility as a natural born citizen and some of us still wonder what his real birth certificate said.

Although much was written about the rumor that BHO was born in Kenya rather than Hawaii, that was never the real issue. Since Barry’s father was clearly not American the real question - while nowhere near as sexy – was whether his American born mother was actually old enough to confer natural citizenship on her son, regardless of where he was born.

The statutes in effect at the time (the same statutes in effect when Ted Cruz was born in 1970) required that the American citizen parent had to have resided in the U.S. for ten years, including five years after the age of fourteen. Ted Cruz’ mother clearly met that requirement, whereas BHO’s mother, having given birth at the tender age of 18, simply wasn’t old enough to have confered that status on her son.

Under the law in effect when Cruz was born in 1970 (i.e., statutes applying to people born between 1952 and 1986), the requirement was that, at the time of birth, the American citizen parent had to have resided in the U.S. for ten years, including five years after the age of fourteen. Cruz’s mother, Eleanor, easily met that requirement: she was in her mid-thirties when Ted was born and had spent most of her life in the U.S., including graduating from Rice University with a math degree that led to employment in Houston as a computer programmer at Shell Oil. - Ted Cruz, Natural Born Citizen

According to Andrew C. McCarthy:

The founding fathers did explain what they meant by (natural citizenship), and there are several statutes that explain it further. The point being: a natural born citizen is anyone born of an American parent, providing that the parent spent a certain amount of years in the United States as an adult.

And he concludes:

Ted Cruz is a natural born U.S. citizen in accordance with (a) the original understanding of that term, (b) the first Congress’s more demanding standard that took both parents into account, and (c) the more lax statutory standard that actually applied when he was born, under which birthright citizenship is derived from a single American-citizen parent.

Butt we all know nothing is that easy. So I’m conducting my own poll to see who we think is eligible to be President. NOTE: you can disqualify candidates for any reason i.e. candidate is a future felon. However, if you choose to go that route you will need to provide sustainable evidence of said offense and/or original Constitutional language and/or subsequent statutes supporting your position. WARNING:  poll may also contain trick questions.

Choose wisely, as I’ve been forced to change polling services and Chicago rules no longer apply (unless you feel like clearing your cookies in order to vote again, in which case have at it, butt without my approval of course).

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Making America Great Again: One Bucket of Popcorn At A Time

 

Welll that was worth the carb overload. Far more entertaining than any of the Saturday night re-runs of the Bernie-Hill show. It does seem like the R’s could use a few less candidates while the D’s could use a few more. Maybe the Dems should draft Kasich and Bush, who might be more comfortable on their stage anyway.

As last night’s GOP debate wrapped up there were still technically 12 candidates in the running. It should be noted that none of the dozen are subjects of an FBI investigation while a full 50% of the Democratic roster bears that distinction.

The Bernie-Hill Show: Guaranteed 50% felon-free

You’ve all seen or read the highlights from last night’s debate, and I’m pretty sure you’ve heard all of the  candidates various talking points by now, so I’ll just share a few random thoughts that drifted through my carb-fogged brain:

When John Kasich finally calls it quits he can probably get a gig demonstrating the Vitamix 5200 at his local Costco:

Jeb Bush looked a bit tighter than usual, perhaps he’d had a few shots beforehand: Botox, Juvederm, or Jack.

Christie’s hair looked sort of weird, with an odd lump that kept popping up on the left side.

Seriously, don’t ever go for the dubious distinction of “funkiest hair in the room” when The Donald is present. Or Lady M for that matter.

Aside from that, I understand that the two leaders going into the debate were the two leaders coming out: Trump and Cruz. So I leave you with a pull quote from each of them.

From Trump: “We can't be the Stupid Country anymore.”

From Cruz: “…the Constitution hasn't changed.”

If we keep these two things in mind we just might be able to Make America Great Again.

This message brought to you by the Party that thinks America was a great idea, not a blight on the world.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Couscous Eating Surrender Monkeys: Or WWPD

Ask yourself – WWPD (what would Putin Do?) Answer, not what Barry and Kerry did.

And as it turns out The Donald didn’t create the best recruiting tool for ISIS. That honor belongs to The Won, for his not-so-insignificant role in the production of the video of our Navy seaman (and, Allah forbid, seawoman!) acting like couscous eating surrender monkeys. Congratulations to our Washington production crew: every man woman and child of fighting age in the Middle East will be viewing this American embarassment forever. Even fellow Nobel Peace Prize winner Jimmy Carter can’t claim that distinction.

And it took all of a nanosecond for Iran to capitalize on their excellent YouTube video-making skills.

"This incident in the Persian Gulf, which probably will not be the American forces' last mistake in the region, should be a lesson to troublemakers in the U.S. Congress," Major General Hassan Firouzabadi, head of Iran's armed forces, was quoted as saying by Tasnim news agency.

So in other words, “Listen up you little Republican pizzants in the American Congress: don’t even think about scuttling the most excellent deal that your most excellent Leader made with the most Excellent Republic of Iran, or we will take more of your soldiers and sailors prisoners. And next time they won’t fare as well.”

Well done el Presidente Barry, sidekick Jean Carre and spokesmouth Josh-in-Earnest: Now we ARE Charlie Hebdo.

Butt now, a message for the leaders of Al Qaeda, ISIS, ISIL and the great Republic of Iran from the non-couscous eating surrender monkey segment of the United States (and we are legion): We Will Meet Again.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7588206

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

SOTU: It’s all good.

Last night we boarded the Big Yellow Bus…

and headed over to the Capital for Big Guy’s last SOTU where, promising brevity, he droned on for an hour - which is brief in Obama-speak.

In order to save time he declined to mention Lady M and her symbolic guests this year, including the victims of gun violence who were invited butt unable to attend.

Lady M haz a sad for the gun victims, who had no guns with which to shoot back

That empty chair symbolism will continue to have a lasting impact on the legacy of the Obama presidency. Although oddly enough, nobody seemed to comprehend the power of the motif the first time around.

The professor’s mostly self-congratulatory final SOTU lecture could best be described as a yuge pat on the back. Barry took credit for everything from saving the auto industry, destroying the medical system, “reinventing” the energy industry (i.e. all things green: solar,wind and algae) and ending the worst economic crisis ever. Oh yeah, and killing Osama Bin Laden. He also took a bow for “partnering with local forces in Syria” to address the ongoing quagmire situation there, as if he had no role in it’s creation. Wow! That kind of comparmentalization makes even Bill Clinton look like a piker.

Oh sure, there are still a few crical issues left on BHO’s plate:  He’s going to cure cancer, and I think he put Joey B in charge:

Tonight, I’m announcing a new national effort to get it done.  And because he’s gone to the mat for all of us, on so many issues over the past forty years, I’m putting Joe in charge of Mission Control. 

Now that really would be a “big f***ing deal.”

Other things on BO’s “to do” list: campaign finance reform and climate change initiatives. Items on every American’s top 250 list of most important things.

And despite all evidence to the contrary, Big Guy firmly rejected the notion that we are a nation in decline; headed down the nihilistic path of perdition. Although he did acknowledge that:

“Masses of fighters on the back of pickup trucks and twisted souls plotting in apartments or garages pose an enormous danger to civilians and must be stopped.  But they do not threaten our national existence.”

No sir, that threat comes from within.

So last night’s address was a perfectly delusional retrospective of Obama’s America where all the women are shtrong, the men good-looking, and the children above average. Oh, and Lady M remains the country’s paragon of fashion and elegance.

The Lady M Fashionista retrospective of the SOTU.

And just a side note: Lady M’s makeup last night was done, as usual, by artist Carl Ray. The frock was Narciso Rodriguez, and the body by Fischer™

 

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

The Popcorn Chronicles

Get ready: what with all the whooping and hollering from the rabble in the peanut gallery this could well turn into a 5-bucket popcorn night. Big Guy has a ton of accomplishments to run through during his SOTU 2016 highlights reel. And his final victory lap is certain to include many crowd pleasing soundbites like "Bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive," and “ObamaCare: Because Death and Taxes Weren't Certain Enough…”

And if that’s not enough grist for your popcorn eating machine, tune into the Clinton Crime Family reality show. Did Hillary violate public corruption laws by “accepting” donations for the Crime Family Foundation from clearly conflicted foreign sources?  And if that’s still not enough to encourage you to retrieve your old popcorn maker from the basement consider this: the curtain hasn’t come down on “the Secretary’s private bathroom server” yet.

So I’m just taking it easy today and saving my circuits for tonight’s prime time entertainment.

We’re all going to need all the energy we can muster to keep up with what’s shaping up as a very taxing week: SOTU tonight, ‘Pub debate Thursday, and  the Clinton-Countdown-to-Biden all week long. Go Joe, go!

“It doesn’t LOOK like a hamster wheel, butt it sure feels like one.”

Remember, the big show starts at 9:00PM EST. Oh, and don’t forget to line up all your essential supplies before hand. You don’t want to leave half way through.

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Forever a Starman: RIP David Bowie

The man who practically invented alter egos has departed planet earth.

RIP, David Bowie, whoever you were; and thanks for the memories:

From Happy Anniversary Hub!

Around here, where alter egos abound, we’ve been Bowie fans for a long time. Remember this golden oldie, still gracing my sidebar, from my early days as Lady M’s Mirror Of The United States:

 

Just think, without Ziggy Startdust, there might never have been a Madonna, Lady Gaga or President Obama. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with alter egos…butt I guess there’s a downside to everything.

Dedicated to the proposition that change can be a good thing, in the right hands: “Just gonna have to be a different man.”

“My God! It’s full of stars!”

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

“Hey Bud, Let’s Party With El Chapo!”

Well I didn’t win the Powerball drawing last night. And apparently you didn’t either.

With no winners in Saturday night's record $949.8 million Powerball jackpot, the next jackpot could reach an estimated $1.3 billion, lottery officials said early Sunday.

What would you do if you won $1.3 billion? And since we’re playing make believe, let’s pretend that you don’t have to first give half your winnings to the IRS. I’d buy new appliances and spend the rest buying the 2016 American presidential election. At least I think $1.3 billion would be enough to Make America Great Again (MAGA).

Alternatively, if it begins to look like there are enough Americans who want to MAGA without my investment, I might put a yuge bounty on Sean Penn’s head for aiding and abetting a fugitive. It would be payable only if you deliver him alive to Mexican officials for processing and handling.

There he could live out his anti-American life making some new Mexican friends:

and existing as carbon-free as is humanly possible.

el Chapo’s cell in the celebrity wing of the Mexican prison system

Penn is happy to report in his Rolling Stone exclusive that Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman is not your run-of-the-mill drug lord:

“I took some comfort in a unique aspect of El Chapo’s reputation among the heads of drug cartels in Mexico: that, unlike many of his counterparts who engage in gratuitous kidnapping and murder, El Chapo is a businessman first, and only resorts to violence when he deems it advantageous to himself or his business interests.”

So that’s good: no gratuitous violence! Only if necessary! Just like in Hollywood! Which it frequently is, apparently.

I love it when life imitates art

Butt if you’re upset with the reknowned anti-gun, anti-American, climate expert and drug kingpin fanboy, 

Just remember; like fellow self-absorbed tiger blood drinking thespian Charlie Sheen, Sean’s not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer:

“In school I was a genius of the year preceding the year I was in, every year.” – Esquire

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Kidnapping Plot Revealed as An Inside Job

Have you seen this, it’s yuge! A heavily armed North Dakota man, claiming to be both Jesus and the son of Marilyn Monroe and John Kennedy (which seems mutually exclusive) was arrested in a failed attempt to kidnap one of the Obama dogs. Has anyone heard from Bakkenwag lately?

Apparently the plot was discovered before the man (also allegedly known as Scott D. Stockert) even left his home in North Dakota and he was arrested in his Washington D.C. area hotel room for unlawful firearms possession.

Insider information (don’t ask me where I got it, I’d have to shoot you) reveals that the plot was actually hatched by the one of the Obama dogs (Little Bo)! It seems both dogs are unhappy being held against their will and have long dreamed of a simpler life running and hunting in North Dakota. It seems that both Little Bo and Sunny have filed multiple complaints with their union representative regarding their treatment and living conditions over the years, butt the Big Dog in the Justice Department refuses to take any action, so they decided to take matters into their own paws. The complaints include the following allegations:

Multiple incidents of cultural appropriation:

Micro-aggressions that violate their safe space:

Trans-species sexual harassment:

Victim shaming (Have you been playing in the “organic” garden again Little Bo? Let’s get you cleaned up.”):

Species shaming (“Oh – look at the cute bunny!”):

Unauthorized use of image for endorsement purposes (multiple):

Trans-species appropriation:

White privilege (south lawn, December 2015; no dogs allowed):

Failure to provide adequate safe places:

And perhaps the most serious charge, existence of on-going hostile environment:

Little Bo has been leading the campaign for freedom for years now,

butt since all else failed he grew desperate and orchestrated the jail-break for Sunny and himself.

Better luck next time, Little Bo.

Get ready Sunny – as soon as he opens the door, we’re making a run for it!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network