Playing Black Jack: Black Hearts Rule and Ace is High

You’ll be relieved to know that the weather has been quite nice here in Honolulu.

Normally we wouldn’t have picked the hurricane season for Big Guy’s APEC conference, butt due to our new motto (“to root out waste and misspent tax dollars”), we had to come off-season in order to qualify for the reduced rates. Especially since the entire Department of Commerce apparently had to accompany us. Those numbers can add up quickly without a discount.

It’s been a very busy trip so far, with Lady M’s visit to the Mao organic farm. Oh. I guess that’s “MA’O” – which means something in the native Hawaiian language, butt I don’t seem to have a language module for that. Butt I do know it’s a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. So you know it means well.

Lady M and her posse at MA’O, flashing their gang signs

“The 24-acre farm raises some three dozen varieties, which it sells to local restaurants and grocery stores. It also employs at-risk area youth who work a three-year internship in exchange for tuition at a local community college.”

Here’s Lady M going all native at the organic farm with the at-risk kids:

Wow! Check out those organic turnips!

Then there was all the sacrificin’ at the official opening dinner. For the occasion Lady M selected a gray and white silk frock with a pink beauty contest sash completing the ensemble: 

Lady M with Canadian FL, Laureen Harper

The look’s not too bad straight on, butt, as usual, angles and rear views are a real strain – and I’m not just talking about on my refractive optic lenses:

Greeting our guests with gracious restraints

The strain is especially noticeable under harsh lighting where jutting “cheek bones” cast long shadows.

As you can see, the hostess made quite an impression on some of our more influential guests:

 

Butt in Dmitri’s defense, this is what he he saw from his vantage point:

A strong woman, considerably larger than him, making threatening gestures in his direction. And you know how chauvinist Russian men are.

Strike up the band: BO and Dmitri want to cut a rug

Getting back to an issue of considerably more weight: I’m afraid we may soon be hit with another conflict of interest scandal right here in the East Wing of the Big White. It’s all based on unproven allegations that Lady M was lobbied by certain candy companies. Remember, at this point it’s just an allegation. Butt the rumor has it that there may or may not be internal emails confirming that Lady M agreed to wear certain clothes promoting certain candy brands in exchange for an unlimited supply of said confections of her choice.

If that turns out to be the case, there will be hell to pay. Those liposuctions are not as easy and “painless” as you may have been led to believe.

Anyway, the scuttlebutt seems to be based on what critics consider damning “evidence” from our trip so far. First, there’s the allegation about the Black Heart promotion:

             

And now there seems to be some evidence of an affiliation with the makers of Black Jacks:

…and Allsorts.

           

A potential  future wardrobe color palate from our new “couture” confection closet:

We really don’t need this scandal. Of course, let me point out again that it’s simply speculation at this time. Butt even so, how is this going to look the next time we start yapping about promoting our “No Child’s Fat Behind” program?

The limits of lipo on bold display

Not good, I tell you, not good. Butt again, I emphasize, these are merely allegations. At this time.

Say, maybe Big Guy can get some endorsements too! What do you think by way of slogans?Black Jack: better than crack!  or Black Jack: Made in America since 2008; well, you can come up with your own. Please submit your favorites. Winning entry gets a free lunch with Big Guy and Joey B. Or in lieu of the lunch, you can get your own bag of Black Hearts and Black Jacks.

Linked By: Blonde on News Busters, Thanks!

Dressing For Success: Gun Control Style

The funeral for Chicago shooting victim Hadiya Pendleton, the 15 year old who had performed with her band at the Inaugural, was held yesterday. Big Guy’s “never let a crisis go to waste” team members

begged him to come “home” in order to bring national outrage attention to the problem of unemployed gang members gun violence in his “hometown.”

Unfortunately he was busy testing his new miniature handheld drones.Or something.

So he sent Lady M and Val Jar in his place.

Today’s question: which of these looks would MO feel most appropriate to wear?

The posthumous medal of Honor cocktail dress, the G-8 purple swing dress, the Nickelodeon oil-cloth outfit, the Black Jack Miss America sash frock or the full-dress black drop-dead  mourning outfit?

Oddly enough there was a photo blackout. That doesn’t generally happen at photo ops for issues we are trying to draw attention to, so maybe it was due to the recent facial fillers that hadn’t quite settled in yet.

All I was able to get was this blurry contraband video still. Again, oddly enough, it looks dark and appropriate.

I personally would have gone with the  Black Jack dress,which is equally charming both coming and going. If you don’t believe me, ask Dmitry.

My motto is: if you’re trying to draw attention to something, wear something that will grab people’s  attention.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Reflections on Sundance

 

 

Downtown Park City

Gosh! You would think I’d be used to being around celebrities by now. But it’s good to know that I haven’t grown jaded being around the biggest rock stars on the planet 24/7. It’s still exciting being here in Park City with all of the other top tier stars.

Like last night for example, at the movie premier for Howl:

Bob Balaban, James Franco, John Hamm, David Strathairn and Treat Williams (Park City Resident) stand together at the premiere of "Howl" on Thursday at the Eccles Theater in Park City.

Notice anything? Besides the fact that they’re all guys?  Except for David, who’s apparently not been here before and didn’t get the memo, everyone’s wearing black. It’s apparently mandatory here, especially if you’re not a real celebrity. The locals call them PIBS, people(s) in black.  I think Lady M would make a great PIB, or, in her case FLIB – first lady in black. I did a quick run through my hard drive, and I’m going to say Lady M would fit right in here with the rest of these pseudo celebs.

  

Above, we’re practicing on the red carpet

Footwear flexibility is critical in dressing black

Accessorizing the basic black is crucial. With red I mean.

Does Lady M look like a natural to accept an Oscar, or what?

Anyway, Raj and I went to a movie last night: Howl. I’m not sure I really got it, probably because I don’t get out very often and I’m not as sophisticated as the other movie fans – whoops, I mean film aficionados. They don’t call them movies here, even though they sell popcorn. Here’s my quick “film” review of Howl:

Poet who doesn’t know how to rhyme,

Pines for socialist world of ribald grime.

Feels America’s role in a world of conformity

reflects society’s plunge into complete deformity .

His poems assume we invented materialism,

Which no doubt explains our wicked imperialism.

His talent he felt golden,  just like Kerouac’s – Jack.

But in truth he was more of a pathetic hack.

I’m probably not the right person to ask, though.  I didn’t even know who Allen Ginsberg was until last night. I thought he used to run the Federal Reserve. Now I understand he was some big time beat poet. I still don’t think he’s that hot. If you want to see a real reader of beat poetry, check this out. Now we’re talking art. (be sure to watch it all the way to the end, or you’ll never forgive yourself.)

I have to go get some more anti-fog spray now. We’re expecting another 2 feet of snow tonight, and I don’t want my lenses steamed up in case I run into some A-listers.

For a “reel” review of Howl, check out my pal Dewey’s take.

Suck It Up, Suck It Down

Wow, is Lady M ever going to let Big Guy have it when he gets back! I know he’s been under a lot of pressure lately, but really, drinking on the job? Not a good idea.

I’d like to be more like the supportive media, but look, this is wrong on so many levels I don’t know where to begin my critique. Let’s start with the fact that the President of the USA ought not be drinking in the middle of the day in the first place, but if you’re going to have a snort with the good ‘ole boys down South, it better be Black Jack, not some girly drink.  Next, don’t get sucked (no pun intended) into ordering a drink with political connotations like “Bushwacker.”  And if you blow points 1 and 2, at least ask them to hold the whipped cream and cherry, and when it arrives, chuck the straw. Sheeze, I shouldn’t have to be telling Big Guy this stuff.

“Big Guy practices sucking it up with a straw”

So here we get a photo of of the leader of the (presently) free world getting a girly buzz on. Big Guy: sucking down a "Bushwacker"  made with dark rum, coconut cream, creme de cacao, half and half and coffee liqueur at Tacky Jack's, a restaurant, in Orange Beach, Ala. I don’t know, but I think he might have lost track of the concept: he’s supposed to be making the folks in Alabama feel better, not the other way around.

Even before he enjoyed his Bushwacker, Big Guy seemed to be having trouble grasping concepts. Here he is at a plant in Theodore, AL where they clean and repair oil booms to be re-deployed. As you see, the whole hard hat concept seems to have eluded him,

although not quite as completely as it has escaped this dude:

photo via American Digest’s KACHING! filed under ass-hattery

Today Big Guy heads to Pensacola's Naval Air Station Technical Training Center to make a few remarks to our military personnel stationed there. I think maybe he can score some points by telling them about Lady M’s plan to let them send CARE packages to themselves.

Thank goodness he’ll be off those hot, sticky beaches. TOTUS isn’t allowed to set up there because the salt spray damages his operating system. I’m not saying that explains the girly drink, but I do know that TOTUS sometimes provides BO with - in addition to the words that helped make him famous - helpful little hints regarding proper behavior. He’ll be back on prompter today, to everyone’s considerable relief. Especially for tonight’s big address from the Oval where he’ll be telling y’all why we need to pass Crap and Tax. Because of evil corporations.

For the after glow, Big Guy has already called ahead for a pitcher of those Bushwackers. Extra whipped cream and cherries.

Oh, and by the way: I forgot to tell you about our birthday dinner at Lucques in West Hollywood Sunday night before winging back to the Big White. Lady M and the girls were celebrating Sasaha’s 9th birthday a bit belatedly. It was delicious, but that’s why Lady M was still a little “under the weather” yesterday and apparently again today. I guess those little green olives didn’t agree with her delicate digestion system.

But the dinner was fabulous: an appetizer of apricots and prosciutto with burrata, roasted dates, cardamom and marcona almonds; a choice of either market fish with sweet corn and fresh garbanzos, with lamb's quarters and chili-cumin butter or slow-roasted Colorado lamb over fava tartine with preserved lemon, black olives and purslane salad. Sasha had macaroni and cheese. For dessert: Bing cherry clafoutis with crème fraîche and hazelnut praline ice cream. 

Oh, and we also enjoyed the optional side order of a dozen Kobe sliders with foie gras. I think it was complimentary.

TOTUS’ Tips for successful debate strategy

Big Guy has been holed up in VEGAS, BABY! ® preparing for his first unscripted campaign appearance. Everybody around the Big White is taking bets as to which Big Guy will show up.

Will it be “Black Jack” Bo?

America is one big casino! And you’re not getting your cut! ‘Cuz you’re black!

Casino Royale BO?

All of the James Bond swagger, none of the fire power

Or possibly it will be old Poker-face BO:

OK, I’ll see your $4 trillion and raise you another $16 trillion

So far, he’s been doing everything the handlers have told him:

Yeah, yeah. I’m in my room, studying,…as if I have to effing study this crap.

And I think everything will be fine as long as he doesn’t let them see him sweat. We all know how badly that turned out.

Now, while I try to calm Lady M down (she gets so nervous before the debates you know – which explains the little-eye, and the scowly face) and get us ready to fly to Vegas,

          

I have a special October Surprise for you:  a special guest post by my BEBF (Best Electronic Buddy Forever) and Big White colleague, TOTUS! He’s going to share a few behind the scenes glimpses at the debate prep with Big Guy’s team so far. Take it away TOTUS:

Thank you MOTUS. Wow, it’s really cool to be blogging again after such a long hiatus. If you friended me on Facebook, you know that I last posted a year ago during my captivity. Now that was an “October Surprise” I’d like to forget. I was eventually released, but my kidnappers were not apprehended and remain at large so I’m not really comfortable out in public anymore.

We were never completely convinced that it wasn’t just a Republican dirty trick either. Big Guy hired a bunch of Stockholm Syndrome shrinks to provide me with counseling, and everything’s been fine since they finally left. Butt this isn’t really about me.

You may remember that I abandoned my original blog after Rhambo unleashed a herd of spambots on it and since then, I’ve tried to fly under the radar of the Chicago Mob. When I do surface I come over here because, thanks to Raj’s firewall, Chicago isn’t on to MOTUS yet. So I want to thank MOTUS for her fearlessness (and excellent technical support) which affords me this opportunity to once enter the world of commentary. All the campaign scrolling and debate prep get’s really tedious. Just ask Big Guy.

effing right, TOTUS

Just so you know, we got the old band back together to prep Big Guy for the debate of the century.

Boyz in the Band

Axe-man, Rhambo, Gibbsy and me have been busy as bees in an August clover field (h/t Dan Rather) getting Big Guy’s debate answers locked and loaded. And I’ve been practicing his responses with him whenever he’s not busy on TeeVee or raising money so he can go on TeeVee more often.

I know I’m not supposed to tell anybody, especially any Republicans or Republican sympathizers, but I think I can trust everybody here on MOTUS’ blog not to spill the beans, so I’m going to let you in on a few of our top secret debate strategies. First, and this will really come as a surprise to everybody, Big Guy plans to blame all his failures on somebody else and say the mess Bush left in his lap was way worse than he thought. Even worse than the mess Jimmy Carter left in Ronnie’s lap. So obviously he couldn’t  fix everything in just 4 years (nor, as Bubba pointed out, could he, or anybody else. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, butt he’s no longer around.). Butt - if you just give him 4 more years, “YES HE CAN!”

“Fundamenally transform America!”

We’ve made sure that our lapdog moderators have gotten our first “official list” of pre-approved debate questions from Chicago, and  I’ve loaded all the words for Big Guy to respond appropriately to each one; in debate practice. I’m not allowed to actually coach him during the actual debate (wink, wink).

Since our first debate focuses on domestic issues, Big Guy will blame Bush and the “Do Nothing” Congress, and Mitt for what he either did or did not do when he was a Bain Capital Vampire. Not that I play both sides of the aisle, butt if I did, this is what I would suggest scrolling for Mitt. And I’d  roll with this response no matter what the question was:

“When I left Bain Capital in 2001, 6.8 million Americans were unemployed, the unemployment rate was 4.7% and the civilian labor participation rate was 66.8%.

Today, after nearly 4 years of President Obama’s incompetent, failed policies, more than 13 million Americans are unemployed and, even though we “disappeared” nearly 8 million people from the workforce, the unemployment rate is 8.1%. President Obama has driven the civilian labor participation rate down from 66% when he took office to 63.5%, the lowest labor participation rate since Jimmy Carter’s 63.2% in 1978.”

Then I would have him wrap-up his mantra with this question:

“Are you better off today than you were 12 years ago when I was still at Bain Capital?”

In the event Mitt gets a question without “Bain Capital” in it, I’d scroll this alternate response:

“When Barack Obama was sworn into office, 8.9 million Americans were unemployed and the unemployment rate was 5.8%. The civilian labor participation rate was 66%. Four years of President Obama’s incompetent, failed policies have added more than 4 million Americans to the unemployment roles, and, even though he “disappeared” nearly 8 million people from the workforce, the unemployment rate is 8.1%. President Obama has driven the civilian labor participation rate down from 66% when he took office to 63.5%, the lowest labor participation rate since Jimmy Carter’s 63.2% in 1978.”

In both cases, I’d finish big with:

“Not only did he not get the job done in 3 years, as he promised. He made it worse. Next month, join me in making him a “one term proposition.””

Next time, I’ll go over our failed international policy excuses and who we will blame them on, and I’ll have some additional ideas for how I would advise Mitt – if I was a switch hitter. Which I’m not. Please enjoy tonight’s show and wave if you see me. I’ll be trying to stay “off camera” and I think our lapdogs will help me with that.

Thank you MOTUS, for this opportunity to get on the other side of the scroll for a little while. Hopefully I can come back again soon!

Debating: Hey! It ain’t rocket science!

Linked By: Clarice on JustOneMinute, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!